To wonder why it feels like we have no money?

[Wheredoesitgo]

DH and I earn well between us. We aren’t mega wealthy or even close but we should be very comfortable and I just feel like we aren’t.

I just feel like we have no money? DH is self employed and had a tough few months last year and the tax return coming up isn’t helping but even month to month my earnings just seem to disappear with not a lot to show for it…

Would love to go away (2 primary school aged DC) but a week in Spain in July (just before school holidays by a few days to try and reduce the pride a bit!) is coming in at around £1100 plus each for a week AI (we spend less this way with the kids than self catering usually as they are fussy). They need spring/summer wardrobes but feel like I can’t really buy new and can only afford bundles on Vinted which I never find exactly what I want.

I dread the food shop as there’s just no way to get it cheaper.

I’d love some new boots but can’t justify the cost.

As I said we earn quite well so it just seems crazy to me that things feel so tight - anyone else in the same boat?!

@EdithStourton I agree...

And the thing is, because things like Disney, Lapland UK, Legoland, extracurricular clubs etc are more & more common, I feel like I'm letting our own DC down if we can't do those things. (I know this is a me problem & I shouldn't compare).

Many of the mum friends I have, only have 1 DC, no child maintenance etc. so disposable income-wise probably have a lot more than we do.

I need to stop the mum guilt to be honest, kids are as happy with a caravan or lodge in the UK as they are abroad usually.

And all those things could add up to way more than a mortgage for many families.

Yet people don't seem to appreciate the cost because it's spent in dribs and drabs rather than one monthly lump.

I always wonder when people say things like 'we discuss large purchases eg over £250' if they also discuss their monthly/annual coffee and lunch bill or hair and grooming costs that add up to way more than £250 over a year. I suspect not.

Yet 'look after the pennies and the pounds look after themselves' can be very relevant for a lot of people who never seem to be able to save for large purchases, but regularly spend on the things mentioned above.

It's draining when you work so hard and never feel you have anything to show for it. Have you tried sorting your income into wallets so you have a set amount to spend on specific items? I found that very helpful when I needed to budget when DC were little.

You really can get away for a fraction of the cost you mention. A cheap flight and airbnb or self catering villa would be less than half that amount, and you would still have fun, sand, sea and sun. How is AI cheaper than SC just because they are picky eaters? Just pack some food you know they will eat and then buy delicious local food from markets or delis. I used to let DC have more treats on holiday - brioche with nutella for breakfast or pizza and fries, just so we could all relax and have fun and not worry for a week about 5 a day (very picky eaters here too.)

Yes, it does certainly sound like he's the sticking point here rather than your budget.
If he won't budge on the car, sky etc, there's not much you can do about it sadly.

I think people are being pushed into spending money: e.g. lots of articles in the press atm about 'how awful January is' and 'you need to pamper/treat' yourself. So they suggest high end chocs/moisturisers and perfumes which are top of the range/new PJs/and, this is the one which made my jaw drop 'box fresh' bedding. In other words -new! And not something from Dunelm or M&S either. People are being massively fooled into thinking they have to have this amount and level of stuff. OK - if you're fed up with January, have an earlier night with a hot water bottle, a good book and a hot drink. Or buy a cheap bunch of flowers or a potted hyacinth. Or find some colourful postcards or even cut something out of a magazine and blutack it to the wall for something different and cheerful to look at. Have a bath using whatever bath products you already own (or add a bottle of something to your next supermarket shop) If you haven't got it, you can't spend it, unless you go into debt. And if you have got it, splashing out every time a journalist tells you that a certain (expensive) product is a 'must have' means you'll soon be broke.

We live like this!! I pride myself on free activities over half terms and one of our favourites is getting the bus or train to the city centre and having a walk round local land marks. We also love a bike ride to the woods or walk to the local park for ice cream. I very rarely spend a lot on taking my children out for the day and never have. It makes my eyes water to hear of what others spend on days out that I think sound hellish as well as expensive!

Anyway, OP, I sympathise as yes, money goes nowhere at all these days. We are on a similar income to you: ours varies between about 120-150k depending on my husband’s earnings that year (I did work three days but now work four and am increasing back to full time soon for pension purposes). I think our mortgage is lower though (1.2k a month) so we feel fairly well off really; that’s probably the difference! With our outgoings, we’d struggle with less but as it is can afford not to watch our spending. Is there no way you can downside? How long will you be paying a large mortgage for?

@exitstrategyideas definitely can’t downsize. We need this size house and any that are marginally cheaper you wouldn’t benefit after stamp duty and moving costs anyway.

My children never went to Disneyland - they seem surprisingly undamaged

Honestly, we were tight-wad parents. We started out with very little money, and continued to act that way, apart from a bigger mortgage, the odd expensive holiday and slightly better cars, when our income rose. I don't feel that the DC suffered for it.

Cheap days out are very possible - most children love a picnic. Once you have shelled out for the kit, camping holidays are an absolute bargain and can be a real adventure. You can get a pitch for a week in Norfolk in August for a big tent and 4 people for £200. Even you decide to go to France where the weather is better, it's still a cheap way to have a really good holiday.

ETA A church local us did a 'summer camp' - a week of morning activities. Dirt cheap and the DC loved it.

@Discombobble I also never went to Disneyland and am doing okay 😅

@EdithStourton yes ours do loads of summer activities (childcare - so needed!) so I shouldn't really feel the need to do stuff in half terms on top of their holiday clubs really. this is definitely an area I can work on, reduce price (and guilt lol).

Currently looking at some UK holiday options for easter half term which are much, much more affordable than the options I was previously looking at

My sister goes to euro camps in France which is kind of like centre parks but much cheaper apparently

For me, the half term stuff is keeping them off tech for a bit and getting some quality time. I know that doesn't have to mean expensive days out, but as they get older trips to the park don't always quite cut it. When I was growing up we had a lot more freedom than I perhaps would feel comfortable giving mine.

I manage it by having a set budget for each school holiday.

@Wheredoesitgo have you joined sites like topcashback and Lloyds offers to make sure you're getting money back where you can on purchases?

Have you made sure you've got a cash back credit card/points one and considered switching current accounts for the extra cash? All on money saving expert.

You're not alone - the reality is that we are all much less well off than 4 plus years ago and it's not going to get better soon, so we need to make permanent shifts to our spending behaviours.

It's painful I know but at least we can downscale.

As people have said, I'd look at my mortgage term too in your shoes and also try and get your dh to engage and take steps as he does sound like he's not adjusted and suffering from an inflated view of what he can buy.

Oh don't forget you could also consider home exchange for a holiday - know several who've done that.

It's whether the possible inconvenience of you maybe being without your car for 4 days every other year is worth 5k a year, that's the real question. Don't you still have to book your car in for a service anyway? You know the AA exist and will come and fix your car and take you to where you need to go right? Even if you got taxis everywhere in the eventuality that you needed to book your car in for a few days, you'd still save near 20k in 5 years

I never went to disney but I do remember grieving about it when my best friend went. It's made me very determined to take my son to disney and then I get to experience it too! My poor mum, i was literally crying about it for days when my friend went 😂 and as an adult she has said it's her idea of hell and even if we were millionaires she'd never have taken us 😂😂

It because tax is so high and everything is expensive.
And the more you earn the more you pay....

@Magnoliafarm this is it - lots of my friends did go and I wished I could - that's why I want to give my kids what I never had.

One of my most vivid memories around a similar topic is quite funny in hindsight, I remember going to a friends and she pulled at the holiday brochure/catalogue and showed me the hotel her parents had just booked to go to in the summer - 2 weeks all inclusive in Benidorm 😆 but as a child who had never been on a plane it seemed like total luxury to me at the time and I remember wishing so much I could go on holidays like that!

Yes, if I won a free trip to Disney I'd have to give it away 😂 my kids have never mentioned it!

Otoh, my dc have been on fancy holidays and honestly, it meant nothing to them, the question of whether there was a pool to swim in or not was their only concern...

1000% agree. I don't work but DH is a higher earner and we just can't seem to get more into our savings. We have had a lot of unexpected emergency spends recently and we are struggling to make future plans.
Last year our usual shoo was £60/70 weekley now it is over £100. I keep the sqme shopping list and nothing new has been added. It is crazy.
Due to the cold starting sooner and lasting longer we have had to have the heating on earlier this year we have 2 small DC so we me so the house warm for them. If it was just us 2 we would compromise more with heating.

Crazy to think that my DM & DF were able to afford a house mortgage free on labour work. And now a high professional Can't do the same adter 15years of working. Crazy.

At this rate we will be moving abroad within the next 5-8 years.

You're right. I am very run down right now so clicked on a news article on '9 ways to take better care of your health'. I was expecting some soup recipes or yoga practise for getting moving after flu but no. Item number one was: buy sandals with precious stones in the soles because those crystals will really help you heal. WTF? Shoes you don't need that are highly unlikely to make any material difference to your wellbeing at all.

You do so well financially because you don't use a credit card. When you handle cash you notice all money being spent more because you physically have to hand it over. It's so so easy to put things on a credit card and because it's not like handing over physical cash it feels different some how. It's so easy to be extravagant when you use a credit card and font physically hand over your cash.

If you bank with Lloyds you also get free cinema tickets or Disney plus subscription. It's one less thing to pay for.

Well you don't "need" your oversized car, so there's your answer.

Go onto Gumtree and look for a cheap second-hand B-segment car. Thank me later.