... To wonder how/why he finds my body attractive?

[Ellbee83]

Would love to hear some body-confident responses to this!

I'm 43F and my weight has always been an issue. At most, 20st, size 22, at best 10.5st, size 10.
Currently around 12st, size 14 ish.

Anyway, the upshot of excess weight, dieting, rapid loss, yo-yo'ing etc., means that although I look ok (even pretty good if I try!) when clothed, my naked self is a mess.
Wobbly all over, chunky thighs, saggy boobs, horrid overhanging belly... You get the idea 🤦🏻‍♀️

Externally, I come across as confident and self-assured but in a clothes-off situation, I'm horribly self-conscious
I'm currently seeing a guy a fair bit younger than me. He's fit, toned etc. (I know, I can't believe it either)
Every indication is that he is attracted to me, likes my body etc. but... I just don't see how he can be!
It might be a terrible thing to say, but I don't think I would be physically attracted to a man who was in an equal shape to me. Although that's not necessarily that case, I just haven't been faced with that situation.
I love sex and being intimate but with lights on, or in harsh daylight, or getting into an unflattering position, I feel really awkward and self conscious and basically, like a great hulking heffalump.
This surely can't be an unreasonable way to feel, in spite of partner apparently not feeling that way?
What can I do to come around to a man's way of thinking? As in, Naked Woman = V Good Thing

Sorry no help, i wonder the same thing! I just assume I'm the nearest one and he needs really strong glasses! 😂 Pheromones?? for 17 years...?!

People have different tastes and some men connect on a deeper level (shock horror, I know). Nothing destroys attraction faster than a partner who lacks confidence, though. So be cautious that your view doesn't become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Should have read full post before replying. Doh.

Sex isn't just about the way people look. Most people's faces screwed up very bizarre during acts of coitus. 🤣
It's messy, sweaty, tactile, sensual. He loves the feeling of your body and your reactions to his touch. He can see you're enjoying yourself and obviously you know how to pleasure him. He probably likes your taste, your smell, the things you say and movements you make.

So I'd say that's at least some of the reasons why he must like your body during sex.

Lots of thin, young people have terrible sex. So I'd say just literally lose yourself in the moment and don't think about your appearance at all! X

Maybe he's mad 😉
Maybe we're all mad!

Maybe he's into chunky thighs and saggy boobs? People are attracted to lots of different body types.

I used to know a slim, gorgeous young woman, who had a thing for massively overweight men. She liked the idea of being crushed / smothered, apparently.

Maybe they're mad 😉
Maybe we're all mad!

Same, in her case she equates it with him being big and strong, although most people would just see a man who was obese.

Because men aren't as shallow as some quarters make them out to be. He sees something in you that you don't see in yourself and finds the whole of you attractive.

Oh, I am mindful of this but thank you for reminding me.
But it'd be great to just fling myself about with abandon and not give af, you know

This is a really lovely way to think about it... Let's not capitulate to MN jadedness just yet 😊

I watched a documentary about women who see bespoke sex dolls in the UK. They all said the majority of men choose bigger, squishier types rather than perky, perfect 10s.

Hmm. There’s a beauty ideal in our society obviously but I think women give it more weight than men do. Most men are not actually that fussed IMO and if they get on with you and you have something about you they find attractive (pretty face, big boobs, whatever) they are quite content.

He would probably love that if you did. It’s not like he doesn’t already know exactly what you look like. You’re not hiding anything by being self conscious.

I think when you really like someone you don’t really care what their body looks like. I was with someone I was crazy about and his weight changed over the course of the relationship- I didn’t care.

Try to relax and enjoy the relationship, size is no indication of attractiveness. I am small /petite and loads of women assume that I would get hit on all the time. But I've never been hit on once (now in my 40s) and never get told am sexy etc etc

I prefer bigger men. Their body TBH is the least interesting thing, and I've dated men from 9 stone to 25 stone
But if I was picking based on body type it would be bigger - I like a bit of squish, a stomach doesn't bother me

Aw, honestly, you don't know how much messages so far have helped.
You're totally right, all the self-consciousness in the world doesn't hide the bits we're self conscious about.
May as well get the hell on with it, huh!

I look forward to more responses but already inspired to be more 'flinging myself about with abandon' 👀

That should have been sell bespoke sex dolls, not see.

I don't want to be the harbinger of doom but as you * *mentioned he is a fair bit younger than you, fit, toned etc please keep your wits about you. Read anything about romance scams and this is how they always start....
If he asks you for so much as a tenner for a McDonald's run for the hills!
Hopefully I'm wrong but I thought it was worth saying.

Naked woman + flinging about with abandon= v good thing for most straight men.

Oh gosh, thanks for raising it but honestly, it's not like that at all.
I'm pretty switched on and quite happy solo, if/when it comes to it.
Just wanted a bit of support n advice to maximise the fun 😊

Life's very short OP. You've found someone who finds you irresistible so grab the opportunity with both hands.

There's nothing more unattractive than someone crippled with self loathing and insecurity.

My.last partner was like this with me. I was similar to you weight history and size wise. He preferred someone voluptuous. I felt like a goddess as he was so attentive. I'd been used to crap sex before. Please try to enjoy it and accept it for what it is, appreciation of you.

I suspect men see “women willing to have sex with me” as “women I am attracted to”.