Surely I'm not the only one...

[Sugarspiceandeverythingnice]

I've just had a huge row with my husband because of the way that I dress. I have 4 young kids, ranging from 3 to 10. My husband works full time and is the bread winner in the house. All other life admin and house chores/cooking cleaning for kids and husband I do including school pick ups and drops off etc and all the after school activities. Youngest is also at nursery for half a day so I'm also out at 12 everyday to pick her up. I have very little time for myself in between the cooking the cleaning, shopping and running the household. Husband does nothing when he comes home from work, will play with the kids, eats his dinner and goes off to do his own thing. Even bedtime I do it. I'm usually exhausted by the end of the day.

I also have in laws there are times I will need to take my mother in law for appointments or shopping etc as she doesn't drive.

Last night after putting kids to bed I had to go to mils as she needed a hand with something, which is fine I'm happy to help. Husband was ill and fell asleep at the same time as the kids did. When I came home at half 9, I made the lunches for today, locked up downstairs and came up to bed... Got into pj's (black top with navy floral bottoms) and in bed with a cuppa and DH gets up looks at me and starts going off on one that I'm always in "bin bags", and I'm always "tired". He really went for it, even swore at me. I didn't say a word, got out of bed picked up my tea and got into bed with my daughter and went to sleep. Didn't really speak to him today when he was at work, he did call me and try to have some "jokes", told me to pick some new pyjamas for myself and hell treat me. I didn't humour him, I ignored him really. Hes come home and I told him he's rude and i don't want to talk to him. Hes then gone off on one again, not eaten the dinner I cooked and said he's tried to apologise...when he didnt he called to make jokes but never actually said sorry.

I apologise this has ended up really long. I know I should make more of an effort but really I have a very low libido compared to him and I do get very tired. I'm not fat, I'm a size 10 I do try to look after myself and eat well etc. Surely Im not the only women who feels like this after a long day.

That's fine. I imagine by day 30 he'll have either got sick of them, or learned how to turn on the cooker by himself 👍

This is really awful! Having a go at you for wearing pyjamas to bed? It’s absolutely ludicrous behaviour! God, my DH puts mine on the radiator to warm up for when I get in from work (he’s far from perfect but I know he’d never berate me for wearing pjs to bed!) I feel for you, must of felt awful to have that abuse hurled at you.

Do you have shared finance and does he gives you 50% of the leftovers of his salary so you save it in your name

What a wanker he is.

Good let him get fat on takeaways and then you bc complain that he’s let himself go.

don't do his laundry or any life admin for him either.

How's it going @Sugarspiceandeverythingnice OP?

I assume he's taken over all your jobs and you've had a few days to recharge and feel marginally less knackered?

He helps out?? HELPS OUT?!

Fuck that shit.

You didn't get his breakfast or a packed lunch?!!! Ffs?! YOU ARE NOT HIS SLAVE.
He should be doing that himself!!!! Get a backbone and stop this utter madness.

I am so grateful I am single.

I know you don't want to leave. I'm not advising you to leave over this. But if you financially could not leave if you desperately wanted, that's a problem. Because he knows it and so do you. How can you negotiate, or have firm boundaries when you can't really do alot if he does not respect the boundaries. I don't know how he will react to an adult conversation which is why I feel for women who have no back up in the event they have one which is a man baby. Anyway....

In this situation I think games and sulking are just silly. I recall growing up watching the most immature sulking and tantrums between my parents.

If you knew that you could always look after yourself you can set realistic boundaries so he is taught to stop being a complete adolescent.

I would want to say very calmly,we need to talk please love ( or whatever you call him). And set time aside. He needs to be told exactly how it is for you. He needs to be told about the imbalance atm and how that imbalance means you are exhausted and want comfort over anything else.

If he would like a bit more 'effort' I would calmly ask what he may be able to do to help make that happen. For example, of all your workload, what might he be able to take on himself out of all those things you currently do? I'd list them to him.

I would explain to him that when he just makes comments like that and expects things, it turns your libido right off. It might help to make him understand this. I really think most of them don't actually understand it.

His response will tell you all you need to know.

He sounds utterly horrendous OP. I certainly wouldn't be cooking him dinner. I would struggle to be married to such a prick.

Housework at the weekend is 50:50. It's your weekend too FFS. He shouldn't "help if needed".