Can you teach resilience? What makes one person more resilient than the next?

[Lanzarotelady]

Genuinely interested in this, what makes one person more resilient than the next?
Two people go through the same, ie nurses working in covid ICU, what makes one person cope better than the other?
Can resilience be taught?
I am asking as we have a pot of money to use at work ( NHS ICU ) and people have asked for resilience training, but I can't help but think, you can't be taught it?

I don't think you can be taught resilience.

What makes one person cope better or worse than someone else involves way too much. Their whole current situation, their upbringing, their physical and mental health. All of this impacts how resilient someone is.

People can also be resilient or less so in the face of different situations. One person can seem extremely resilient to turbulence in their personal life, but fall apart easily at work, and vice versa.

Personally I think the best thing you can do with spare money at work is give it to the bloody employees lol. Or hire other people to give overworked employees a break. Or something. Resilience training doesn't sound helpful.

Gosh, I'm not sure you can teach it to people who are already adults and working in stressful environments like an ICU. I would have said it would be more useful to have a periodic proper debriefing process with someone senior and experienced?

I think most resilience is learned when you're younger. I try to model dusting myself off, getting back up and forging on after a failure for my young DS, and not being afraid to try new things and get out of my comfort zone.

But it probably matters whether people were asking for resilence training in terms of dealing with perennially stressful working conditions where people die in distressing circumstances, or whether they mean resilience in the sense of picking yourself up after failures...?

There is a pot of money that needs to be used, someone has suggested resilience training for some of our staff

I agree, I think. Some investment into employees' fitness and making their lives easier, or being better remunerated for their job.

Is anything offered currently if there's a particularly difficult situation at work?

I agree resilience is something "mostly" built in younger years and even then i think you either have it or you dont.

Also feel resilience is different to everyone depending on the subject/situation.

Perhaps more of a course on "coping mechanisms" or similar could be helpful?

I would probably start by having a think about what the gaps are and where people need support in your eyes as it is a very specific environment, maybe a focus group across roles?

I’m not sure that resilience can be taught as such. I think we can learn strategies such as mindfulness or self care that might help people cope more easily with the stress of deaths of patients, for example (but perhaps this might be seen by some as teaching resilience?)

For me, my resilience level changes with my stress/personal issues. For example, when I was undergoing multiple surgeries, two grandparents dying and a friendship breakdown, I was not resilient and really struggled with things at work that normally I’d breeze through. Currently, I’m healthy, I’m happy and these same work issues are a non event. I say all this to illustrate that resiliency is unique to the individual and not set in stone.

I don’t think it can be taught as such, but it can definitely be learned if the individual is at a point in life where they are ready to do so.

IME increased resilience came with a huge mindset shift that started with meditation lessons. Completely life changing.

If there was a pot of money perhaps rather than resilience training as such there could be an easily accessible way to learn how to wind down when stressed. Some sort of life coaching might fit the bill (the real sort with measurable results, not the selling courses on fb kind). I’ve seen some incredible changes in people with that sort of input.

I think you can teach children resilience, I imagine it is much harder for adults whose personalities are hard wired to be the way they are... I'm not very resilient, I have had over a decade of therapy and whilst it has helped me tremendously it hasnt really made me more resilient, so I'm unsure it would work personally.

Some people are naturally more resilient than others but there are definitely coping mechanisms that can build your resilience and reactions to situations. The biggest factor is not to think that it's your job to change the world or fix people. Shit happens and it's only personal in a tiny about of cases.
Save emotional involvement to only those in your immediate family and closest friend. Prioritise eating well and getting enough sleep. Learn how to say no. Above all don't dwell on past mistakes, chalk up to experience and move on. No matter how bad things seem, this too shall pass.

The word "resilience" seems to have lost all meaning recently, it's become such a buzz word (or just a means for older people to snipe at young people). It's not an across-the-board quality, an individual can be resilient in one situation (for example, a physically demanding hike) but not in another (a corporate networking event). And your own personal circumstances will determine your level of resilience at any given point in time.

Resilience tends to come with knowing what you're doing, which is a combination of technique and experience. In an NHS ICU context I would use that money to focus on the former - whether that's the technique to do their actual jobs or specific trauma response techniques.

If you go on the Mind website, it has a section on resilience and things you can do to support it. This is more from a mental health perspective.

I would also add resilience isn't just inner grit/self reliance. It's bounce back ability. Lots of the things about resilience are external. Its Not just your own attitude, although this plays a role.

I also think it's not helpful to think of it as something you have or not.

People can be resilient to all sorts of things, but not others. A quick example is I am resilient to a car breaking down. I have AA cover, I have a mobile phone. I live in an area with great transport links, i have fruends willing to help, i have a garage i am on good teems with.. I can bounce back easy.

I am less resilient to a health issue. My company's sick policy is rubbish, my GP is fully booked. I can improve resilience here by getting rest, taking vitamins, having savings etc.

It's not all just am I a person with amazing self reliance.

I'm more resilient when I feel well rested, when I've got time for exercise and when I've meditated and when I can share experiences with colleagues.
I think any training/space you can make for the above should be beneficial.

I think you can teach elements of resilience.

learning how to put things perspective (is this a serious cut that needs stitching or it is this a minor cut that needs a wash and a plaster helps you to assess the seriousness of a scenario and to react / respond accordingly rather than catastrophically when not indicated. )

similarly learning things such as ‘reframing’ help your resilience - it you can assess the what where’s and why’s of situations snd respond to what is there not what could have been or might have been - you become a more balanced person and I think that is a form of resilience.

I don my think you can teach anyone to see a major car crash and go ‘oh ok - let’s go on’ but by helping people to understand risks and interpret correctly what is happening and also giving them relaxation and coping mechanisms such as talking through scenarios, work / life balance Etc I think you can help people to be balanced in their responses especially to adversity.

a bit like cbt for anxiety - when we ask ourselves - is this really the worse thing that has happened? More often than not - it is not the worse thing in the world - no one is dying, no one is about to get massively hurt - but anxiety tells you otherwise… usually you can get through things - when we learn to put them in perspective.

Resilience is absolutely a skill set and can be taught. There are a range of factors that affect it at a point in time including childhood experiences etc but ultimately, as an adult, we build resilience by a range of factors such as;

Staying physically strong and healthy
Not drinking too much
Investing in good relationships
Self reflection and development
Practicing mindfulness, gratitude and meditation
Achieving financial stability etc

There are good courses on resilience, I used to run one and people loved it. There's a tool you can use to get people to measure their own and how it's broken down in terms of the traits that build it. Good way to spend the money if you ask me!

Yes tbh I'd have thought resilience training was mostly about employing good coping mechanisms, alongside probably some cbt on processing bad thoughts / bad feelings.

It probably can't hurt but, would you be better off giving them all a gift voucher and a couple of hours off to go for a nice walk 😂

As with all things, early years and childhood experiences are absolutely crucial, to answer your question as to why some people are innately more resilient than others.

Resilience is usually something you learn as a child. Unfortunately, you usually learn it because you experience unpleasant situations. Bullying, grief, loss, illness. Not really a training method, I'd recommend implementing at a workplace.

As an adult maybe mindfulness will work.

I understand the sentiment, but essentially you are identifying and blaming some individuals for not being good enough. Maybe that’s true, but perhaps this is performance management rather than resilience training. Sometimes the systems cause failures not the individuals. Maybe those lacking resilience are actually refusing to do unpaid overtime as they have children or health issues they have been mindful of. And those pointing the finger are martyrs to the cause of whatever. Anyway it’s a can of worms that I would avoid. Invest the money on a more pragmatic quality improvement project. Or a nice coffee machine and biscuits - that will probably help build more team spirit and ‘resilience’ rather than any bullshit training course.

Be able to compartmentalise, don’t think about what you’re not doing now.
Only aim to control the controllable things and learn what’s within your sphere of influence vs sphere of concern.
Learn to care enough but not too much.
You’ll deal with anything better if you slept well the night before.
If you’ve done your best, then the outcome will be what it’ll be.

Finally memorise the serenity prayer…
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference between the two.”

no I don’t think so, I always thought I was resilient but the two worst things that have happened in my life I turned into the type of person I was always proud I wasn’t. I think your surroundings, your people and your own personality totally dictate it. You could teach how to prepare for/ manage things better/ self care etc when you’re going through tough times but the bouncing back thing I think is inherent

I did personal development stuff in work and found it invaluable. If I learned nothing else from the session it was that you cannot change people. And unknowingly it was the source of all my frustration in work. I was trying to change people (clearly futile) and when I started focussing on my response it made my life so much better. I used to want to dance a jig of rage when people misuse blue badge parking and now I gently think "asshole" and move on with my life. It's so obvious in hindsight, but the cognitive dissonance between what I could reasonably do and what I wanted to do was massive. So I found that course amazing. It sounds so trite but also focussing on what goes right and what I have and gratitude has made a massive difference as well. It's not going to solve anyone's serious mental health problems but for someone who's doing ok and struggling from time to time it can have an impact so I'd defo go for it.

Did people choose to come on your course of were they forced to do so as they were identified as lacking resilience?

I teach children, and ‘developing resilience’ has been an LA goal for many years. It is totally possible, but challenging and long term. I can’t comment on the likelihood of learning resilience as adults.

However, we have a school counsellor who works with prioritised children. They are very good at their job and have positive relationships with all staff.

Over time they have added time before and after the teaching day for slots for staff - some one off, others more regular. It has been very successful in, I would say, ‘increasing resilience amongst school staff’.

It depends on your budget, but I think counselling services through the work place can be really effective.

Cannot possibly see how resilience can be trained into people.

But I see resilience more as a survival thing- not giving up, determination, like out on the wild, At sea, on a Mountain,
It’s courage and bravery- people awarded MM and MC - and a British Survivor of the Estonia Disaster has resilience, both physical and mental- he helped others in atrocious conditions but it’s innate, it can’t be taught , I don’t think.

Resilience for something like ICU where one sees ghastly things- how can that be taught to anyone?
How can one unsee certain things?

I’d ask the staff at the coalface how they would like the money spent.