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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked him to stop drinking?

38 replies

shipplywu · 19/01/2025 15:37

Just moved house a few days ago. Still all in chaos and need new furniture to be able to unpack . Today DH goes out to meet his dad and brother for lunch. Says that he's just going for lunch about 12, will leave after and be home for teatime. About 130 I see on gumtree some free furniture nearby to be picked up that evening that would suit us and message DH to ask him to stop drinking so in the evening he can drive over and get it ( I don't drive due to disability) . I figure if he's only had a couple of glasses of wine with food by then, then he could stop drinking and they'd be out his system by evening. Apparently I was completely out of order for even asking, that I should have realised that he would have already had a couple of pints and wine by then and he's not planning on stopping and he's angry that I would even ask. That it's apparently obvious that if he's out for lunch he'll be wanting to drink heavily. Was I?

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 19/01/2025 16:27

It depends on the situation really and how “heavily” we’re talking, also how often it happens really. If I had an afternoon planned with my friends or family and was going to have a few drinks I wouldn’t be over the moon if my husband text me that actually I have to cut my time short to go collect furniture because he can’t drive.

DazedAndConfused321 · 19/01/2025 16:29

Is it more that he'd rather enjoy a lunch and some drinks than have to cut it short because you've arranged plans for him? I totally understand he's the driver but it sounds like you've chucked this at him when he already had plans. Maybe you should've asked first if he could collect the furniture?

HenDoNot · 19/01/2025 16:36

I’d be quite miffed if I was at a planned meal out with family or friends and DH text me to stop drinking as he suddenly needed me to drive later that day.

ThejoyofNC · 19/01/2025 16:38

Why couldn't you arrange for him to collect them tomorrow?

JudgeBread · 19/01/2025 16:38

Did you ask him or tell him? That's the clincher for me, if my husband text me while I was at a lunch to tell me to stop drinking and give me my schedule for the afternoon like he's my boss he'd be being told to wind his neck in too.

LindorDoubleChoc · 19/01/2025 16:39

Yes, I think you were being a little bit U.

Alalalala · 19/01/2025 16:40

Is he generally a lazy bastard?

On the strength of this he’s not being unreasonable and is in fact being responsible not to drive after a couple of drinks.

But is there form for him leaving everything to you and buggering off?

aCatCalledFawkes · 19/01/2025 16:45

I would be really unhappy with this request 😟. Especially if I wasn’t consulted.
Also. If I had two glasses of wine, I personally wouldn’t drive.

OverthinkingOlive · 19/01/2025 16:52

Yeah I couldn't be arsed with this either, I'd feel nagged by you. Also if he's had a couple of drinks he shouldn't be getting behind the wheel at all until the following day.

ginasevern · 19/01/2025 17:38

On the face of it you were being somewhat unreasonable. He'd planned to go for lunch with his family which included a drink or three. I personally would have written the rest of the day off in terms of other plans. I wouldn't be too happy if my partner told me to stop drinking and come home to lug heavy furniture but it depends if he's always in the pub.

Original poster
shipplywu · 19/01/2025 17:49

He's not a lazy git, he doesn't do it loads. Although when he does he goes on a bender. I don't drink really so I don't understand why stopping drinking (not leaving early and stopping socialising etc just stopping drinking) is a big deal. Surely you can still enjoy yourself without lots more to drink. I wasn't asking him to come home. I was just asking him to stop drinking.

It was at the time an "only this evening or they'll be gone" offer that was going to save us £500 or more. When he said no I did manage to negotiate and get them saved till the morning so it did end well in the end. But apparently I'm awful for even asking and thinking that he could have stopped drinking.

I just don't get alcohol. But seems lots understand his point of view.

OP posts:
Cattery · 19/01/2025 18:04

Leave him be. I wouldn’t leave a drinking session to pick up some second hand furniture

Mrsttcno1 · 19/01/2025 18:07

The thing is the alcohol is a bit irrelevant here, he’s got plans, he doesn’t want to have to drive to collect furniture later on. Neither would I!

OhTheSilence · 19/01/2025 18:10

I'm not a drinker and have a personal rule of not being with drinkers due to previous relationships with alcoholics. But sorry I think this was an unreasonable request to spring on him while he was already out and had made his own plans.

Nina1013 · 19/01/2025 18:11

I would never stop drinking and plan to then go and drive anywhere later the same day, regardless.

Hohofortherobbers · 19/01/2025 18:11

YABU. he is unavailable, if you want the furniture today you need to find someone else to drive you.

AquaPeer · 19/01/2025 18:13

Yeah yabu. I certainly wouldn’t take kindly to this request in the middle of a social lunch out.

Kangarude · 19/01/2025 18:15

If he had already had a couple, it would not be sensible to drive a couple of hours later.
YABU to impose an instruction on him to stop drinking when he was out as prearranged, just because you have now found something that you want him to.

nodramaplz · 19/01/2025 18:21

YABU
Arrange collecting next available day that suits

LouiseTopaz · 19/01/2025 18:25

It's probably more to do with the fact you don't drive, he's constantly driving you both around etc. and he just wanted to enjoy a meal out and relax People who don't drive don't tend to realise when your constantly relied on too it can be very draining

BellissimoGecko · 19/01/2025 19:24

Hmm. How much does he do eg to organise house things like this new furniture? How much of the emotional load does he carry?

How often does he go on a bender, and what does that look like?

JimHalpertsWife · 19/01/2025 19:26

He is out, he has plans. The furniture can either be collected tomorrow when he is free or you skip it and get a different set another day.

I'd be so mad if dh made me curtail my plans with my sister to go on a pointless errand.

JimHalpertsWife · 19/01/2025 19:28

I just don't get alcohol. But seems lots understand his point of view

But you do get interrupting someone's plans to make new ones for them and that it's rude right?

Ponderingwindow · 19/01/2025 19:32

I don’t push drinking and driving at all. It I have a beer midday, I’m not going to drive in the evening. That I my personal choice for being sure I am always 100% safe to drive.

so to me there seems little point in him stopping because I wouldn’t drive anyway.

im still surprised he was already 3 drinks in that quickly. That seems like an entire afternoon worth of drinking.

JimHalpertsWife · 19/01/2025 19:35

I'd not even have seen the message - if I'm out with friends/family my phone stays in my pocket. I'm surprised he even acknowledged your request.

Why are people saying he is lazy? Lazy for what?

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