To have asked him to stop drinking?

[shipplywu]

Just moved house a few days ago. Still all in chaos and need new furniture to be able to unpack . Today DH goes out to meet his dad and brother for lunch. Says that he's just going for lunch about 12, will leave after and be home for teatime. About 130 I see on gumtree some free furniture nearby to be picked up that evening that would suit us and message DH to ask him to stop drinking so in the evening he can drive over and get it ( I don't drive due to disability) . I figure if he's only had a couple of glasses of wine with food by then, then he could stop drinking and they'd be out his system by evening. Apparently I was completely out of order for even asking, that I should have realised that he would have already had a couple of pints and wine by then and he's not planning on stopping and he's angry that I would even ask. That it's apparently obvious that if he's out for lunch he'll be wanting to drink heavily. Was I?

Yabu. Your DH had plans. Plus it's not advisable to drive after any alcohol really. Here in Scotland a few sips would take you over the limit

I think if OP was a man who said he asked his DW to stop enjoying a drink with her mum and sister there would be all sorts of mayhem on this thread.
You were being unreasonable. You said yourself he doesn't do this very often. Surely the best option was to contact the seller first to see if they'd hold it over for you and go from there if they wouldn't.

It's a Sunday, he has plans with his family. Furniture can wait. It was unreasonable to ask him to stop, unless he has had problems with alcohol in the past which would be the main reason rather than that you want him to drive

If it was to collect someone from hospital maybe, but for furniture… no! He’s out, leave him be!

You don’t drink so you don’t get it! Once you’ve bad one and are in the mood why stop for something like that?!

If I have any more than one drink that’s it I’m not driving for the rest of the day. That’s the responsible thing to do IMO.

I would never text DH and order him to stop drinking. If there was an emergency I’d ask if he was able to drive but he’s the same as me and very cautious about alcohol and driving. Why didn’t you ask about picking it up the next day before telling your DP to fall into line and do what you wanted?

If you’re worried about his drinking generally then have an honest conversation about that. Don’t try to control him, it won’t work and will damage your relationship.

I don’t drink, but I think it’s okay to ask but not to tell him. If he said, yes, that sounds like a great plan, yes, totally fine. But if he says, no I’d rather not risk it because I’ve already had a couple and I’d prefer to carry on enjoying my lunch, that’s fine too. It’s not the drinking (I don’t drink at all), but I wouldn’t want my plans to be changed just to go chasing some flaky person on FB marketplace who probably won’t even come through.

You don't drink so, perhaps, you are not aware that it takes approximately an hour for 1 unit of alcohol to clear from your system. Plus an additional hour it takes for it to hit your bloodstream. So, if he started drinking at noon and had two glasses of wine, he would not be legal to drive at least until 7pm. And, personally, I wouldn't drive at all on days I was drinking because legal doesn't always mean safe.
And this is leaving aside the issue of you arranging his diary in his absence. So yes, YABU.

Seems there's more to it, that he's fed up that just because you don't understand him liking a drink with his friends or family, he is still allowed to enjoy that should he want to.

You are out of order. If you didn't want him meeting his family and having a drink because you, collectively, have got a lot on, then that would be something that you could have agreed in advance. It looks like it has turned out OK in the end, but please do think about what you are expecting here iro of always having a driver at your disposal, especially when they have agreed other plans. I get that there will be moments where you have to have a cast iron guarantee that someone can do the driving (e.g, DC is not well, and there may be a hospital trip, trains are cancelled etc. too many to think of actually) but you getting an unexpected offer of something that needs picking up while he goes about his pre-arranged plans is not it. I realise that you do not drive due to disabilty, and this is part of your agreement together, but sorry, this doesn't sound fair on him.

I agree that you was unreasonable to ask him when he'd already made plans, hope you can see that and let it go.

It's not really about the drinking or the volume. It's that he had plans and you thought what you needed him to do was more important than that. It's selfish.

If you can't drive perhaps don't go looking stuff up on gumtree that you've got no way of collecting.
Or wait until your husband is around to discuss when it convenient rather than disrupt a family meal.