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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boyfriend not spoken to me for over a week

45 replies

Lufclfc · 19/01/2025 10:40

Hi just after some advice been with my boyfriend for Over 3 years we don't live together as both had our owe homes before meeting earlier 30,s he bought a house last year and moved from his flat and told me to move in after buying it . He didn't ask before buying or show me the house before doing this . I have been hard work this last year I had a miscarriage and then ended up getting sectioned for a month due to ptsd all OK now.
but just to give background I know I been hard work .I had a few family deaths and legal issues so he , so we only seen each other one a week for a while now I am my mums full time carer he now not spoken to me for a week I have no clue why.
I messaged and called but not replay I just don't know what going on and not a clue how to deal with this when I was sectioned he never come to see me in hospital and only texted my family member one to check in . I just don't know what to do I do my best to support turning up to family funerals ,going to see him the day after I come out of hospital to be moaned at that I am hard work I we haven't sex in ages he left me to have a DNC with frenids support cos he had to work ( was his child) just not a clue what going on can anyone offer insight on to what I can do better going forward thanks please be kind frist time poster and I know I am hard work thanks

OP posts:
HeadacheEarthquake · 19/01/2025 10:41

Leave him and focus on yourself, genuinely.

HipToTheHopDontStop · 19/01/2025 10:44

What you can do better is follow his lead and not speak to him for a week. Then another week
Then keep it up forever. .

He's no good.

Janelle84 · 19/01/2025 10:45

Wow he sounds terrible. Honestly, imo, i would call it a day with the relationship. It doesn’t sound like hes 100% committed (or even 10%). Move on. Spend time getting your MH back on track x

notacooldad · 19/01/2025 10:47

I'd try and not to speak the longest!

He has already left the relationship. If he says he hasn't he has done a good impression of doing so. You deserve better.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 19/01/2025 10:47

He's not the one for you. Dump him and move on.

Merryoldgoat · 19/01/2025 10:47

Read that back as if it was a friend telling you that.

You deserve better than this creep. You will be happier without him.

Not supporting you through your miscarriage or seeing you in hospital are unforgivable. Just block him and forget you wasted any of your life on him.

MsPavlichenko · 19/01/2025 10:49

He is a total waster clearly. Not visiting you in hospital after you’d miscarried his child?

Take this opportunity to block him, and move forward with your life. Look at the Freedom Programme, it will help you with relationships in the future.

Original poster
Lufclfc · 19/01/2025 10:55

Yes he didn't come after the miscarriage cos he was in work or when i got sectioned both times just left me thanks all I will inorge him if he calls now etc just wanted to check I wasn't going mad enjoy your day all

OP posts:
BobbiJo · 19/01/2025 10:58

Semd him a text this instant and tell him to go fuck himself.

Then block him and delete the arsehole from your life.

first rule of ANY relationship.. unless they add massively to your life, subtract them from it. This guy isn't adding to your life, delete him.

myplace · 19/01/2025 11:17

Lufclfc · 19/01/2025 10:55

Yes he didn't come after the miscarriage cos he was in work or when i got sectioned both times just left me thanks all I will inorge him if he calls now etc just wanted to check I wasn't going mad enjoy your day all

I just want to reassure you, you haven’t been hard work. You have had hard things happening to you.

Please focus on yourself and your mum for a while. Make sure you are properly well again. When you date, date people who understand you have other commitments and people who make your life better, rather than harder.

Alphabetalphabet · 19/01/2025 11:19

I think it's so sad that you describe yourself as having been " hard work" when you talk about all the things you have had to deal with. No wonder your mental health suffered.
The fact he hasn't supported you tells you all you need to know about him. You will be much better off without him.
Ficus on yourself and be kins to yourself.

Theuniversalshere1 · 19/01/2025 11:22

myplace · 19/01/2025 11:17

I just want to reassure you, you haven’t been hard work. You have had hard things happening to you.

Please focus on yourself and your mum for a while. Make sure you are properly well again. When you date, date people who understand you have other commitments and people who make your life better, rather than harder.

Show quote history

This 100%

Naunet · 19/01/2025 11:24

He does not treat you with love and kindness, presumably these are things you want in a relationship, (and they should be), so he's not good enough for you.

TypingoftheDead · 19/01/2025 11:24

I’m so sorry, OP. It sounds like you’ve had a ton of crap to deal with even without your partner withdrawing (and I’d also be a bit alarmed at a partner buying a house without discussing it, or involving you if he was expecting you to move in!)

You haven’t been “hard work” - it sounds like you’ve had a feel guilty for having stuff happen to you, but you really shouldn’t. Also a true partner is there for the hard times, yours wasn’t, though.

As for him saying he hasn’t left you - actions speak louder than words is a saying for a good reason. I had a boyfriend who said he “hadn’t dumped me” during a long stint of night shifts (claimed he had to work every night for a whole month! Lies!), but when it came to me trying to arrange meeting up after the month was up, I was completely ghosted.

ZekeZeke · 19/01/2025 11:25

OP you message him, tell him it’s over and block.

BodyKeepingScore · 19/01/2025 11:26

He has ended the relationship. He just doesn't have the decency to tell you.

No man who cares for his partner would allow her to go through a d&c after miscarrying his child alone.

He is no good for you. Block and delete.

Machachacha · 19/01/2025 11:26

Total and utter loser.
Block and focus on yourself.
This is not a good man.
He sounds potentially abusive.
Get away while you can.

WigglyVonWaggly · 19/01/2025 11:30

When he says you’re hard work, it’s hard for us to know if you’re genuinely difficult (argumentative, lazy, grumpy etc) or if you’re just suffering a lot with sadness from the miscarriage, PTSD, bereavement and other events that you are justifiably struggling with. In that case, it could just be that he doesn’t have the sensitivity, compassion, empathy or patience to deal with any of that. The fact that he’s ignored you for a week strongly suggests that’s it’s the latter: he can’t communicate, as opposed to you are merely ‘hard work.’

Whichever it is, I’d bear in mind that either way you deserve to have an adult discussion about your relationships and both of your needs. By ignoring you so completely, he’s failing as a partner and adding to your pain. For that reason alone, I’d be tempted to end things with him. The support just isn’t there, but nor is the open communication or respect for you as a person with feelings.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 19/01/2025 11:31

Sounds like he has ghosted you I'm afraid. He sounds as if he treats you terribLY.

NeedToChangeName · 19/01/2025 11:34

Block his number and move on. He sounds awful

Original poster
Lufclfc · 19/01/2025 11:55

Hi thanks for your message a bit of background we always kept everything split so even though I am not working at the moment as advised by the mh team money wise I pay and run my owe house owe group of friends etc up until my brackdown I worked from 16 now 30 currently volunteering to fill time so I don't think it's laziness but you have to ask him . He never really planned dates hotel stays yes but for date i will plan and pay for these so I don't think it's laziness he just can't be bothered to tell me what he's wants what I said done

OP posts:
2JFDIYOLO · 19/01/2025 11:56

I'm sorry, love. So sorry for your loss and what's been thrown at you.

Some would say 'he's just not that into you'.

Others would say 'selfish bastard - dump him.'

My view is that yes, it's incredibly difficult dealing with other people's problems and the thought of signing up to a lifetime with a partner with mental health issues and caring responsibilities has probably overwhelmed him. They're only human after all.

I'd say walk away. Understand that where you are now isn't what he wants his future to be, and he does have that right. Focus on yourself, with professional help, and not depend on a man to be your solution and support.

It's hard and tough and sad. But he's sending you a very clear message - if he wanted to be with you, he would be.

Chuchoter · 19/01/2025 11:58

He's decided that the best way to end it is just to drop you without saying why.

It's harsh and feels horrible for you but let it be now and move on.

Perhaps block from your end .

LittleGreenDragons · 19/01/2025 12:13

when I was sectioned he never come to see me in hospital and only texted my family member one to check in .
Do not keep a person like this in your life as it will mentally and emotionally harm you more. It's time to get rid of him, although if he hasn't spoken to you in over a week then I think he's already dumped you. He might try to get back for a booty call so for your own sanity it's best to block him on everything. He's not a nice man at all.

Cansomeone · 19/01/2025 12:16

Ignore him now, let him come to you. If he doesn't consider the relationship over and he's a coward.