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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think people can make more of an effort with their gardens

312 replies

Lovelybitofsquirrel3 · 18/01/2025 23:01

Due to circumstances changing I moved from the family home (owned, not by me, by family) to a council estate a few years ago.
Generally people don’t bother to plant anything/haven’t bothered with their gardens. There are hardly any bees, butterflies or insects that visit and I’m finding it depressing. A lot of people haven’t bothered with their gardens.
I planted potatoes last year which were never pollinated, and one or two bees visited, I don’t know where from and they died quickly.
I’m not looking for excuses as to why people don’t plant but surely it’s simple to buy a few packets of seeds and turn over some turf.

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 19/01/2025 06:01

I can do about half an hour of gardening before my back goes and I'll have a couple of weeks of pain. I can play tennis for 2-3 hours without the same effect, so guess what I'd choose to do.

I doubt nowadays growing food saves much money, if anything I think it's probably more expensive except possibly long term hardy plants.
All the suggestions cost money to start up. Make your own compost =compost bin and the compost will take time etc
Tomatoes cost of plants, feed, and round here you'll want grow bags and slug detergents or you'll have a row of little stumps left by day 3.
I'll swear slugs round here have homing devices to any new plants.

Even our fairly well established Apple trees if they don't get fed regularly don't produce anything of note. We love the fresh apples, but I don't think we've saved any money.

Just buy a few pots isn't cheap easy answer. Pot £5, plants to put in £10. Now you need to feed it and remember to water it when hot. Oh, now it's growing out of the pot so I need a new one...

And op isn't exactly selling her garden. Potato plants that didn't produce doesn't fill me with hope that she knows how much effort it is.
Ds (12 at the time) grew potatoes in lockdown. He dug a trench (in the middle of the lawn!) Planted lots of seed potatoes, and got a good return.
But he was out there daily watering, twice when it was hot, weeding, feeding them, removing bugs, and then harvesting. It took a lot of time.

Antiopa12 · 19/01/2025 06:02

I grew up in a third floor flat in a council block . We had a window box on the balcony. The whole estate was devoid of greenery. I started to notice front gardens in the posh area I had my paper round. I really think that if you have a patch of land however small it should be treasured. Yes disability and spare cash and time will affect what you can do. Just do something small to attract butterflies . Watching them fly and alight on something you have planted will be so lovely. Our wildlife is seriously under threat with species disappearing or reducing in number

GreenTeaLikesMe · 19/01/2025 06:02

Re: the whole "Weeds support wildlife too!" Yes, they do. But they also make places look really really rundown and depressing, and there are valid and probably reasonable concerns that they attract antisocial behavior and crime.

Abandoned villages/towns are not common in the UK for a bunch of reasons, but I've seen enough of them in some parts of the world. The plants growing all over and in and out of things, higgledy piggeledy, sprouting out of walls and buildings, piercing pavements, give places a depressing and eerie look - the look of a place that lacks people or where people don't go any more.

If UK towns and cities are finding it increasingly hard to create tended, tidy-looking flowers and greenery inside their city boundaries, it would make more sense to shrink and densify cities so that more and bigger wildnerness areas can be left pristine and untouched OUTSIDE cities. Rather than letting cities stay oversized and sprawly with all the wilderness bits all over them, within the boundaries of the cities, making the place look like some run-down semi-abandoned post-Soviet village where everyone's moving away and preparing to let the place disappear.

Ciri · 19/01/2025 06:16

i do think think the time thing is only partly true. Most of us spend way too long staring at our phones. I really worry for our kids. It is having an increasing impact on them.

GreenTeaLikesMe · 19/01/2025 06:20

I think the UK needs to have some kind of Big National Conversations about housing formats and gardens, to be honest.

I live in a condominium outside the UK. We have good soundproofing, multiple elevators, big airy balconies for sitting out on and potted plants and kids' chalk/padding pools, and there are playgrounds and good parks within reach, and a big carfree plaza at the foot of the building for biking and rollerblading, and life is good.

I've had some REALLY weird responses from people in the UK when they discover I'm raising children in a flat without a garden. Almost like I've suggesting raising children inside a cage, basically. People are often very very negative about it.

I don't really see when I'd have time to tend or use a garden. My mum was a stay at home mum in a culdesac of other SAHMS, many of whom had three (or more) kids. I can see they found it very useful to be able to turn their kids out into the garden as they were around the house so much, and their gardens were used for years; the mums had loads of time to make the gardens really nice, too.

Fast forward to 2025: I, like, most mums work almost fulltime. My kids use afterschool cares and daycares, which take them to parks and playgrounds. Weekends, we're out most of the time. Weekend mornings already have to be spent catching up "things that didn't get done in the week" (letters/papers, housework that didn't get done, fixing things round the flat); if I also had to find time to deal with a sodding garden, I think I'd scream, frankly. And we'd seldom use it.

In the UK, climate change is making the UK's already wet, rainy summers even rainier and wetter; my UK friends with gardens mostly seem to describe them as mud-generation spaces or barely used at all, in the last couple of years. Few families have 4-5 kids these days, and the idea is to pack a couple of kids in tight so you can return to your career, so the years when children actually use gardens to play in are very limited. Companies are ordering people back to the office. All in all, it's hard to avoid the feeling that a lot of UK people like the idea of having a garden more than they like the reality.

Of course it's complicated, because I also do know people who genuinely love their gardens, do lots of work in them and turn them into real bowers of Eden for all the birds and butterflies, and I'm happy that they have their gardens to bring them joy.

But, perhaps there is a need for a national conversation about the need to consider a bit more variety in household styles - like, many not everyone has the time or inclination or garden and/or is likely to use one much, and perhaps it's OK to suggest some alternative living styles that some people might like? Apartment living with nice spacious balconies, tall narrow townhouses around shared courtyard gardens with maintenance fees. Leasehold reform would really help, here.

Thing is, every person who lives in an apartment is saving a whole bunch of wilderness from the concrete-spreader: not just because of the housing-land-footprint they are saving, but also because if you want to give people private gardens, you have to let developments sprawl outwards, which in turn means more car usage: more roads must be built, existing roads must be widened, more and more parking spaces will be required all over cities. The "concrete/tarmac footprint" required to provide a single family with a garden is massive, after you take all the above into account. And yet the UK is planning to build several million more homes. And it's already one of the world's most nature depleted countries.

Bearing all this in mind, I do think the UK is going to have to have a hard think about "Are we going to continue to insist that everyone with a child must live in a house with a garden, even though a lot of the time it barely gets used and the parents quite often have no time for it and resent its presence?"

ShadowsOfTheDays · 19/01/2025 06:24

I don't give a single shit what the patch of land adjacent to my house looks like tbh

MangoAndMelon · 19/01/2025 06:24

Op you are on a site where people argue to death that 7 minutes of exercise day is not doable time wise/money wise. Of course they will argue about basic gardening not being doable. 😂

It's a shame, you are right, for environment. I slowly built up garden with many on sale plants, had lots of bees, butterflies and other creatures, minimal tools and maybe an hour a week all together spent on it, winter weeks not even that. Little bit more 2x a year - spring and autumn, for clear up/start up.
It has positives for MH generally as pp mentioned too.

MyMyMySharona · 19/01/2025 06:27

Lovelybitofsquirrel3 · 19/01/2025 00:06

I was hoping this thread would encourage people to start planting

Hopefully it will do.
BUT
sometimes with the best will in the world, people have money restraints, time restraints, and health restraints.
I agree that some may have zero interest, or to the other extreme, they use their space as a dumping ground.

I would love to garden more than I do, I've battled a chronic illness for forty years.
I've seen neighbours openly looking at my front garden at times, and I am not neurotic, but you know when you're being dissed.
I hope you can create a beautiful garden, I love to look at a well stocked creation.
I just can't do it myself.
Maybe you don't mean to be, but please think before you judge, it's not always as simple as just buying a few seeds.

telestrations · 19/01/2025 06:40

Your estate should be part of a tenants association, join, get involved and start a gardening club! Try the TA, council, parks team, garden centres etc. for funding or donations even of old or damaged stock, plants that need a little TLC. Or failing that family bulb planting days for a small donation or bring your own.

ThewrathofBethDutton · 19/01/2025 06:42

Are you my judgy elderly neighbour?

Because if you are, I will tell you again, I have 2 kids, I work on average 50 hours a week, I have a mother than needs some care, it’s a struggle to keep on top of the house cleaning, food shopping, after school activities, menopause AND be there for my kids.

So mind your beak, if it bothers you that much, don’t look at it and pick your dog shit up.

Gemütlich81 · 19/01/2025 06:44

Lovelybitofsquirrel3 · 19/01/2025 00:06

I was hoping this thread would encourage people to start planting

Well if you had written a more empathetic post and perhaps kindly given some easy gardening tips - like where to get free seeds, how to maintain a garden with not much work, easy things to plant etc that would have been more helpful.

Your post was unfortunately critical and condescending.

gerispringer · 19/01/2025 06:49

If you have the privilege of some outdoor space it’s a shame that you don’t or can’t look after it. If you have no time/ money/ interest then there are schemes in some places that lend your garden to others as an allotment. They grow produce and will give you some of that produce as rental.

GreenTeaLikesMe · 19/01/2025 07:06

OMG, that is actually a brilliant idea - the "let other people garden in your garden" thing. I see ridiculous waiting lists for allotments, and with the need to build more housing, there is really no scope for putting aside extra land in cities to increase the supply of allotments. Letting people with no time to garden offer or rent out their gardens could make a lot of people happier.

LegoBingo · 19/01/2025 07:06

I think you should Google how to grow potatoes

LegoBingo · 19/01/2025 07:08

Lovelybitofsquirrel3 · 18/01/2025 23:01

Due to circumstances changing I moved from the family home (owned, not by me, by family) to a council estate a few years ago.
Generally people don’t bother to plant anything/haven’t bothered with their gardens. There are hardly any bees, butterflies or insects that visit and I’m finding it depressing. A lot of people haven’t bothered with their gardens.
I planted potatoes last year which were never pollinated, and one or two bees visited, I don’t know where from and they died quickly.
I’m not looking for excuses as to why people don’t plant but surely it’s simple to buy a few packets of seeds and turn over some turf.

I’m not looking for excuses as to why people don’t plant but surely it’s simple to buy a few packets of seeds and turn over some turf.

Ok you don't want excuses but if you genuinely want to encourage people you do need to understand WHY for them it's not simple.

Shoxfordian · 19/01/2025 07:16

Not everyone likes gardening

HPandthelastwish · 19/01/2025 07:18

AlpacaMittens · 19/01/2025 05:15

Can you recommend a particular wildflower mix by any chance? On my list of things to do in the garden but reviews around seed germination vary wildly between brands/supppliers

I got mine from MeadowMania online, however I'd warn against a general mix if you want any actual nice turf left. As they are ofcourse largely considered weeds and they spread and take over like you would not believe. You also want low fertile soil, otherwise the grasses just out compete them. When we built the pond I ordered a couple of tonnes to go around the edges but turns out my sandy Norfolk soil was just as good

The first year with all wildflower mixes you get the pretty Meadow flowers we think of as wildflowers, the cornflowers etc and then after that each year is different.
The original mix I had flowered over the 4 years and it was great as they flowered at different times so you had a sea of colour from March - December.
Cornflower
Scabious
Red champion
Ox eye daisies
Wheat grass
Oat grass
Variety of poppies
Sorrel
Thistle
Teasle
Knap weed
Evening Primrose
Yellow rattle
Yarrow

We've dug the 'turf' over and covered it over the winter as it really had got out of hand. Instead I'm laying a pure Clover mix also purchased from MeadowMania.

Clover mix flowers for pollinators but is also drought resistant and stays green all summer regardless of weather which can not be said for grass particularly as Norfolk tends to be dry and a bit Mediterranean in the summer. It also only grows 6inches tall and only needs lawn mowing twice a year.

Pat888 · 19/01/2025 07:18

No one likes housework but it gets done. And the house looks tidy.

NattyTurtle59 · 19/01/2025 07:21

Typical MN. According to many threads on here people obsess over housework and spend far more time than necessary getting everything "perfect", to the extent that it feels as though we have gone back several decades in time, but don't have any time at all for their gardens. 🙄

HelpNeededBeforeIHaveABreakdown · 19/01/2025 07:25

HaddyAbrams · 19/01/2025 00:11

I don't know anything about gardening. I dont particularly enjoy it on the odd occasion I do it. My garden is mostly concrete and as I rent I'm not spending out to change that. I can't afford to anyway. It takes all my mental energy to do things like eat an do some minimal housework most days thanks to various physical and mental health issues.

Is that enough reasons for you?

Gardening is brilliant for improving mental health.

Maverickess · 19/01/2025 07:26

Gemütlich81 · 19/01/2025 06:44

Well if you had written a more empathetic post and perhaps kindly given some easy gardening tips - like where to get free seeds, how to maintain a garden with not much work, easy things to plant etc that would have been more helpful.

Your post was unfortunately critical and condescending.

I agree with this, @Lovelybitofsquirrel3 has come across as patronising and condescending "I'm not looking for excuses".

I didn't particularly factor in a garden when I grabbed the opportunity of somewhere to live with both hands, I was lucky and am extremely grateful to be offered anywhere tbh. If that comes with a garden then it is what it is, but that doesn't mean it has to turn into my priority, or other people get to tell me off because it's not.

Maybe we should be looking at the reasons people need to work so many hours to just keep surviving in life when they have the cheapest accommodation going and budget rigidly, because everything is so damned expensive, some full time wages don't cut it, and not look for excuses as to why that happens, rather than judging people for doing it, and not having the time, resources, knowledge or motivation to keep up with the gardening expectations of randomers who have decided that what they think should happen, should happen, with no excuses.

Guavafish1 · 19/01/2025 07:29

No time

LlynTegid · 19/01/2025 07:30

I think your criticism is of something that when it comes to gardens, would be well down my list. The gardens that have been paved over because someone has an SUV which in 99% of cases is not needed would be the first to be changed.

H34th · 19/01/2025 07:30

We plant tomatoes in our tiny garden every day. Literally 6 to 7 plants as we don't have room for more. Bees and small children love them.
They are super easy, as easy as weeds really.
Every other vegetable we tried to grow was eaten by slugs.
My front garden has lavender - again very little maintenance, looks great, smells nice, have dried and sold some over the years, full of bees.

"Life is busy and time to garden is a luxury."

Actually not having to use your little garden to grow food is a luxury. Food in this country is an abundance and relatively cheap, so people are not inclined to toil over it.
Some gardens are very pretty with flowers and exotic plants but that's because it's become a symbol/ wealth status for some.
If you go to the countries in Eastern Europe you see real poverty with a house barely standing but the garden is full with veg and fruit trees simply because they need to grow their own food.

H34th · 19/01/2025 07:31

Every year* not every day