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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to being even ever so slightly miffed at my s2bxh's request?

85 replies

Citronella · 05/05/2008 21:20

Whilst just about being civil to each other over split arrangements he then said " oh and I would be grateful if you wouldn't throw out any of the good baby clothes for any future children I may have" I was then . I said you're having a laugh aren't you you really think I would let another woman have my babies' clothes? Meaning, another woman of his as opposed to any other woman (I regularly give outgrown clothes to charity shops). He said with a sarcastic smile there you go again being selfish and posessive".
Wouldn't you feel pretty p*ed off at that?

OP posts:
DirtySexyMummy · 05/05/2008 21:51

Not sure what you mean Colditz.. put human feeling aside?

Amapoleon · 05/05/2008 21:52

I think he is being cruel.

Miggsie · 05/05/2008 21:52

Is he really going to start an argument as to who gets the second hand baby clothes?
I suppose he needs them a second time round as he didn't stay long enough to notice them on his current baby. What a git.

Tell him he can have them if you get his pension.

Original poster
Citronella · 05/05/2008 21:52

DirtySexyMummy, that's just it though we are not splitting on good terms except for the dc's sake. If it weren't for them I would rather be a million miles away.
I think you are right KatyH.

OP posts:
KatyH · 05/05/2008 21:55

You should bag them up and give them to him now. Tell him you need to make room for your new lingerie

Original poster
Citronella · 05/05/2008 21:56

OMG Elasticwoman!
Oh yeah and she's 26 apparently.
I have to say for her sake whoever she is I kind of hope they will be happy but I draw the line at handing over my babies' clothes.

OP posts:
Flowernat · 05/05/2008 21:58

The point is if you were just on the point of a tricky split that sort of comment is completly unnecessary,fairly petty and more about point scoring.I really can't believe he actually wanted the clothes so much as to say the rude comment smugly afterwards.Sorry if i'm wrong.If you were splitting on better terms then the comment wouldn't have been made and a little more tact would have been involved.He would have been more thoughtful towards you and I guess you wouldn't have been hot footing it to the charity shop.I'm sure no new woman would want the clothes anyway under these circumstances!!Can understand why your pi$$ed off.

mixformax · 05/05/2008 21:58

Don't wish to answer for Citronella, but when I split with my ex-h, one of the few comforts was that I would no longer have to be involved with any area of his life that I did not want to - free to choose for once.

YOu can keep on good terms if possible, as after all you will probably be grandparents "together" at some stage, attending same weddings etc, but you are under NO obligation to share in his current or future relationships and their produce

lilolilmanchester · 05/05/2008 21:59

now you see, I would keep them and then take great delight in talking him and OW through all the beautiful memories associated with each outfit, one by one, with a big smile on my face. Then remind OW that he walked out on those memories, and might well do it to her too.

KatyH · 05/05/2008 22:03

Aaah didn't realise there was another woman on the scene. Sorry.

Seems all the more peculiar then why he would feel the need to be so hurtful to you. You would have thought that in such a position he could afford to be more magnanimous. Is he maybe using her to score points also?

Original poster
Citronella · 05/05/2008 22:05

mixformax I totally identify with that.

just for fairness, he did not walk out on us but I called time and tbh I think after the initial denial, anger etc was quite relieved.

OP posts:
Flowernat · 05/05/2008 22:09

DSM I don't want to talk for Citronella either but she hasn't completed separating YET so she's unlikely to have made plans or considered how she feels about XH having other children etc etc.One day at a time.Glad things are good for you but in a tricky split you can't expect everyone to be so amicable...She can only work with what she's got!Even from this thread i think he's not making it easy.ANYWAY if they got on fantastically at the point of separation ,they probably wouldn't be separating at all!

DKMA · 05/05/2008 22:10

YANBU - he is a twat and sounds like he just said it for a reaction!

mixformax · 05/05/2008 22:11

Altho its the end of one part of your life (i.e. together) and has sadness, grief, probably anger and all sorts of neg emotions involved, its important to find the positive side too.

My positives were - big bed all to myself, pillows stayed fresh (not smoky), choice of TV programmes, or no TV unless I wanted it, no Grand Prix on Sunday nights!, no MIL visits/phone calls.. the list goes on....

Original poster
Citronella · 05/05/2008 22:11

Must remember some of the responses, although sometimes I just get to the point where I can't be bothered even answering and just walk away.

OP posts:
DirtySexyMummy · 05/05/2008 22:12

Mixformax - no obligation, obviously. But surely you would want to? I know I would want to be involved with my childrens siblings. I would want to know them, see them regularly enough to know them, buy them presents at birthdays/christmas etc, have parties together, be able to babysit if required.. I would definitely want all that.

Citronella - very sad that you are not really on good terms. Hopefully over time you can learn to be friends, believe me it is a lot easier, more pleasant, less stressful and more fun. And a hell of a lot more healthy for your children.

Bimblin · 05/05/2008 22:13

Just read that one out to my dp (and he always, but always takes the man's side in any argument of this type) and he said 'Ooooh, that's a bit unnecessary'. Guess your soon to be ex is trying to get a reaction. Smile sweetly and say you'll need them.

edam · 05/05/2008 22:16

DSM, do you really not see that Citronella's ex was trying to get a rise out of her? It wasn't a neutral comment. It was a dig.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/05/2008 22:40

Bag them up and give them to him now. Tell him that this is helping your crusade to declutter your life and it'll help create so much more room in your life/home for other things/people (delete as applicable). So, you'd* be grateful if he'd take them with him as soon as he's gone. Oh, and that you are really glad that they will be put to good use, particularly for deserving siblings, which is as good as the deserving children who'd benefit from them being given to a charity shop. Say it with a huge, permanent .

Elephantsbreath · 05/05/2008 22:49

oh fgs does he have any idea how much of this stuff accumulates? Take mountains of unwanted dc clothes over NOW and let him deal with it. Bet future Mrs ExH will be thrilled with your hand me downs.

Prick.

dingdong05 · 05/05/2008 22:52

I vote for giving him any you don't need right now too. And every time your lo grows out of some send them on over too.
Def sounds like point scoring to me.
Cunt.
I am not mixing my words tonight

harpsichordcarrier · 05/05/2008 22:52

"slightly miffed"??
my dear, you are a saint
yes, bag up all the clothes and all the stuff you have right now, all th ebaby equipment and let him deal with it
and say "of course, you must keep hold of it in case I need it for the grandchildren"

he sounds like a prize wanker, btw, trying to get a rise out of you.

your indifference is the source of your greatest power. cultivate it well

Original poster
Citronella · 05/05/2008 22:53

lolVVVQV

I wish I had your big heart DSM and I'm sure over time it is easier. We try to be civil friendly for dc's sake but he keeps coming up with gems like this one that just do my head in and I realise why we have got here. There is plenty more but not for this thread.
Mixformax you are sooooo right
My positives - huge bed, get up and go to bed when I want (actually I get up when the dc want), think what I want when I want, watch what I want when I want, wear what I want when I want, eat what I want when i want , and the list goes on!

OP posts:
DirtySexyMummy · 05/05/2008 22:56

Citronella - I do hope things will get better for you and I am sure they will.

Have to say - if you were in a relationship where you couldn't get up when you want, watch what you want, wear what you want, eat what you want etc etc, then you are better off out of it.

Elephantsbreath · 05/05/2008 22:58

DSM find you quite patronising.