To end our friendship

[loveforautumn]

So me and my friend live an hour away, I drive, she doesn't but it works, I don't mind going to her or picking her up etc. Over the last 2months we've had plans, her to come here and us meet at a Christmas market, christmas shopping etc. She cancelled due to work. Later find out she wasn't actually at work but ok, maybe she just wasn't in the mood and thats fine we all have those days dont we.

She would never come to me on public transport, she said its too expensive and would take over an hour, which I think is fair enough so I always offer to pick her up and alot of the time we will do something on our way to mine, walks, lunch etc. Anyway she cancelled on me this weekend, said she couldn't make it, i messaged her and said that it's OK and hope we get to meet up soon. She has uploaded that she's at a party, she got a taxi there and it's 1.45mins from her house.
I'm slightly put out, I just kind of think if she wanted to, she would kind of thing & maybe our friendship to her isn't as important as it is to me?
We've been friends for 18years and use to do so much together, my kids use to get so excited to see her when she came over and have always had her around, I kinda feel sad for them too.

What would you do in this situation?
Maybe we've just grown apart, different paths, and all that? I'm not one to argue and hate confronting people but I kind of think she's done this on purpose, why mention the taxi etc.
I think the world of my friends and would bend over backwards for any of them, infact anyone but I think I'm done here, I feel almost laughed at by her.
I will always be civil with her and wish her every bit of happiness but I think i should leave it at that?
Wwyd

Honestly, I'd just phase her out and not get into it with her. Frankly, she doesn't deserve any more of your time and effort. If she asks to meet up, say you're busy. Rinse and repeat until she gets the message.

Out of interest, is it always you asking to make plans with her, or does she ask you too?

Yep let this one go. It's quite hard to actually say to someone we don't have much in common any more without it sounding really rude. While this also seems rude with her cancelling on you, I think she is hoping you get the hint to stop asking.

She's not arsed, and you should feel free to reciprocate in that regard

I would just move on.
Be friendly if your paths cross but don't taxi her about any more.

Honestly,

I’d leave the ball in her court and see if she reaches out to you and arranged to meet up. If she doesn’t make any plans it’s pretty obvious how she feels.

I agree it could just be different paths. Maybe less in common than before.

Does she have kids? I’m just wondering if you always meet when your kids are with you and she’s just in a different stage of her life where she wants to go out for meals with wine and parties rather than walks and lunches with the kids.

She got a taxi to a party 1.45mins from her house? Are we talking under two minutes or 1hr and 45mins?

She's a right lazy cow if it was minutes, btw.

People change and grow apart. I realised this of one of my so called good friendships last year. It became very apparent that our friendship meant a lot more to me than it did to her and looking back over the previous year the signs were all there and it seemed she was using me for convenience.

I won’t be used and so I called it a day. I was sad about it but it actually was a positive thing in the end and I’m actually a lot happier now without all of the strange vibes I was always getting from her and the circle of people she now mixes with.

it might be time to do the same OP.

Your right. She asks me too, if it was all me I'd just assume she never wanted too and would hope I'd stop asking.

😂😂 1 hour 45mins

I’d either say nothing and just fade out of her life, don’t make plans etc and be vague and non committal if she contacts you, or I’d raise it with her without having a go but say something along the lines of

’Hi Sarah, I’ve noticed you’ve cancelled our meet ups the last few times and made alternative plans with others when you said you were at work etc. I’m upset at having been treated that way. It’s fine if you prefer other people but I feel like we should call time on the friendship if you don’t want to spend time with me anymore and you feel like you have to lie to avoid it because it makes me feel dismissed and awkward. Take care x’

Then just cut her off completely and don’t let her try and talk you round.

She doesn't have kids but 90% of the time I meet up without them, they have dad days when I go out. Although sometimes we did plan days out with them, to the zoo, parks etc.
Il be leaving her to it now I think, il never be hostile with her but I think I'd be daft to keep trying

I phase her out. Think sometimes we outgrow people.. I tend to make effort leave it at that. I would suggest dates. Nothing back. Now I cant be assed. All one sided efforts

Definitely stop being the chauffeur. Next time she asks to meet tell her it’s her turn to come to you.

I would also phase her out. The second cancellation is really rude.

I would leave the ball in her court. But if she calls and wants to meet up I wouldn't jump in my car to drive to hers. I would tell her you're tired of driving and she could take the train/bus to see you. Or a taxi😄

Yes good plan. You have done a lot if the running. How about finding a new interest, but if weekly volunteer work or something to widen your circle. If she does get in touch I would be tempted to be ‘busy’ the first day she suggests getting together.

Yes, definitely don't offer to collect her! She can take public transport to see you

She's taking the absolute pee out of you, sorry but she's a upset keep your distance, it only costs around £6 for a day saver and you can use it all day on different buses and trams.

I’d stop being the person that put in the effort. No more contacting her first to arrange anything and no more offering to pick her up.

Its highly likely that when you do that you won’t see her again, that’s fine, concentrate on better friends.

This is exactly what I did with the friend I called it a day with this year. Just stopped being the first to make contact and now I haven’t spoken to her for 6 months and I feel kind of free.

Let her make the next move

Ye sound like ye have very different lives now,

Thanks for your replies, really made me see sense.
Haven't heard from said friend since she cancelled on me. The silence tells me everything I need to know

I'd just leave it alone. It does seem as if she's only seeing you if she gets a lift from you. She's not making an effort towards you.

An hour on public transport every so often to see a good friend is nothing! Lots of people have commutes longer than that. She can't be bothered to make the effort with you unless you're there and doing all the running and she hasn't had a better offer. That's not a friendship any more that's you being a back up plan

She is going to contact you in the future, at her convenience. Don’t get sucked in.