To ask if you’ve ever regretted no contact?

[PumpkinSpicedLatte]

Just that really. I think I’m going no contact with 2 family member.
Don’t want to drip feed, so I’ll try not to. It’s a close family member, and I’ve always felt like the black sheep in my family. I’ve had a lot of therapy over the years to get over things said to me growing up.

I am under no illusion that no contact is a huge thing and really painful, my partner is no contact with some of her family. But I can’t see another way around this. They live in the next county and work different hours so I have a chance of bumping into them but slim. My parents will have something to say to me when they find out. I just need a hand hold, I’ve blocked both members numbers so that I don’t receive any other messages off them but it won’t be long until my parents get involved. Will it ever be ok?
31 year old independent Mum of two, but still feeling scared to make my own decisions because of the repercussions.

AIBU-You’ll regret it
YANBU- You won’t regret it

Don’t be a drama llama
sounds like you barely see them and have very little contact with them anyway

@kimchisauchio 🦙 I wish I was just being that. It’s actually been a really traumatic time. But thank you

You might find it helpful to visit the Relationships board and look for the 'stately homes' thread (for people who have abusive family members).

Never regretted it for one moment. Best thing I ever did.

Nope never regretted it!

I think your worry about your parents getting involved, I'd just have a stock response to say to them "I won't be having any contact with them going forward, please respect that that's the boundary I've put in place. Let's talk about something else."

Sadly if they don't respect that, they may find you go lower contact with them.

It is difficult, and you will get push back from other family members but you have to look after your own mental health. You are an adult and your parent can't control your relationships with other family members.

I did go no contact for a little while with one of my siblings. It was to do with how she behaved when she had a really horrible partner whom she started emulating. She broke up with him and we became friends again.

My point is that people can change. I'd go v low contact / grey rock them and be less available instead of making a big statement burning all your bridges. But depends why you need to go no contact. Sexual or serious physical abuse for example I don't think I'd forgive ever

Can relate. You've tried people pleasing and it ended up with you needing therapy. If they don't take care of your feelings, cut them off. They're not on your committee any more. Don't look back. Good luck (10 years NC here and best thing I did)

I have been nc with my (I call her) ex sister for about 9 years now. She didn't even come to our mothers funeral as she knew what she'd done.
I do feel sad when I see my friends and their lovely positive sister relationships , but she caused so much damage that I can't justify ever seeing her again.

Also, it made me understand how revolting my female cousins are - they took her viewpoint as gospel so they are no longer in my life.
Sad my kids don't have an aunt or a cousin anymore (adult nephew equally awful), but I have a great family, and that's how it is

I occasionally have a wobble and think about contacting my dad. Then I remember what a narcissistic, lying,self serving,neglectful asshole he is.

I agree with this.

The chances of regretting it very much depends on what the person did.

YANBU OP

You know your own mind better than anyone !

Nope. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. I put up with that shit for far longer than I should have.

Just because you're related to someone doesn't give them carte blanche to treat you like shit.

This. Absolutely this.

Do what is best for you. Simple as.

@YeezysBeans this is brilliant thank you so much. I was really struggling to find the words to have for when my parents question my choice. Thank you again

My thinking is even if you do have the odd pang of regret, it will be less than the trauma and angst of continuing a toxic relationship. Your regret may well be more like wishful thinking and not based on a reality anyway! More like how you wish things would have been. All the best to you. Be firm and don’t explain too much as you don’t need to justify your choices. X

@Plantmumfailure thank you. It’s a sibling. Lots of contradictory messages where he wants to see me and my family (me, my partner and two kids) but then has a word with his wife who told him she was upset that I’d put a boundary in place saying I was hurt by a message she sent me where she said she didn’t want to accept my partner into their life (same sex relationship if it’s relevant) . He had apologised for how the message was worded to me and that he’d like to move on and forget they’d ever sent it, but then messaged me last night saying he’d spoken to his wife and that he takes back what he said and that they don’t want to see me until I apologise for telling him how the message made me feel. So I responded saying I am not sorry for speaking up about being hurt and then blocked their numbers. I’ve never put myself first before

@CocoKenny thank you so much

Are you saying she is homophobic and is he enabling her bigotry? Then yes, go no contact and tell them why 💐

No regrets, bit of sadness but mostly a sense of relief
I didn't visit my Father in hospital when he was dying (claimed he was so many times before) and I didn't go to his funeral.
Absolutely the right decision

I think you can just stop replying to any messages? Sounds like it's a relationship that's going to fizzle out any way. You don't have to make a big "I'm going no contact" gesture. Although if you've now blocked the people concerned, won't they know? I've no idea as I've never blocked anyone.

Your explanation is very confusing but if it boils down to your sister in law being homophobic then that is reason enough if your parents ever question you.

I definitely have regrets but I still think it was the right decision. I do wish things had turned out differently.

the boy who cried wolf - this is the story in action

@PumpkinSpicedLatte I'm NC with most of my immediate family and I must say apart from the fist couple of weeks when they were constantly ringing my landline (blocked on mobile) which I just ended up unplugging and a few random visits where they were told to fuck off and had the door shut in their face, it was the best thing I could have done the peace, quiet and lack of abuse is bliss.
I can honestly say that after more than a decade the only that that I regret is not doing it sooner