Needing to make up work hours - should I leave?

[Underthewillowtree1]

Hello!

Im feeling quite stressed, I have a 11 month old and 4 year old. 11 mo is in a childminder (double adult so 6 kids) and 4yo in school. I’ve just started a new job (3.5 months ago) only 2 long days a week (11 hours days). The job is healthcare related and involves seeing patients so I obviously need to be in to do the job.

My 11mo is constantly ill! As I’m sure happens a lot when starting childcare. So far my husband has covered this plus grandparents so I haven’t had to take time off. I had to come home once and I made up the hours the next week with grandparents cover.

Due to various reasons my husband is really struggling to cover currently and his company are making a lot of cuts so he’s worried he might lose his job if he’s not seen in the office. I currently have both children unwell. 1 requiring surgery.

Work are insisting I need to give them another day that I can work next week and it’s really hard getting temporary childcare for a day I don’t usually work, plus I don’t even know if both of them will be back to school etc next week let alone leaving them with a stranger.

i appreciate that I need to do my job in person, should I just leave this job? I feel like this is only going to get worse with the kids being the ages they are and I’m hardly making any money as it is let alone paying extra childcare (I will very much be earning minus!)

With my qualifications this will basically be a problem in most jobs (having to go in person)

Do I need to just quit until they are older? The stress of trying to make up hours and finding childcare is so hard but I feel like this must be really common? How does everyone do it? Especially fulltime?

YABU - don’t quit it will get easier

YANBU - you can’t carry out the job you’ve been hired to do right now so you need to quit

Well if you can’t do the job then your options seem limited . If you are a nurse or HCA could you not just do a couple of night shifts a week instead , that’s what I did when my children were children .

If you’re seeing lithe financial gain for doing this job it’s not worth it, maybe looks for something more flexible? X

My issue is I don’t really want a gap on my CV and it’s actually a really lovely job - how does everyone else cope with this? It can’t just be a ‘me’ issue?

I could do nights but I don’t think I would cope looking after the kids in the day whilst being up all night?

If by not working you aren't taking a financial hot and you can easily pick up your career it may be worth it for a few years.

However taking time off work for dependents is usually and employers may be difficult about it but they know it happens. They should have a policy about it - some give a few emergency paid days a year and others are unpaid. I've never heard of a job asking you to make up the hours - but then again I work education so it's not like a I can do much about it as school hours are set!

The first thing I would do is ask HR for a copy of the absense policy and see what it says compared to what is being asked of you.

Decide from there.

It’s tough when your do are little. Surely the initial period of picking up every bug going should pass soon? It’s flu and norovirus season too but that will pass soon.

Im in healthcare and did weekend nights when my dc were little, only moving to weekday nights when my youngest went to preschool.

Not going to lie, it was really tough but it meant we had no childcare costs. I only moved to days when my youngest ds was 12.

If you enjoy the job, try and give it a bit longer and see if things settle.

Oh, OP. That all sounds so hard on you and your DH.

There are a lot of factors to consider. Can your family do without your wage for a while? Can you manage emotionally without working for a while? Will you find it hard to restart your career if you take some time out? Are you entitled to any unpaid parental leave, and if so how would your job react if you took it? Could you do freelance work, or sign up to do occasional agency work, where you’d be able to accept work only when it’s convenient?

It sounds to me as though you need to sit down and work out the pros and cons of giving up work for a limited time. Research what benefits you’d be entitled to. Look into alternative work options which are more flexible. Get as much information as you can, so that you can balance up the financial, emotional, and practical costs and benefits as comprehensively as possible.

If you decide that it’s feasible to stop for a while, talk to your employer. Explain the situation, tell them that you hate letting them down but also can’t leave your kids when they’re very sick, so you feel that sadly you will need to offer your resignation. They may accept happily. But they may also be able to offer some kind of compromise when they’re faced with losing you altogether.

I hope you’ll be able to find your way to a better setup, because it all sounds really stressful for you at the moment.

Your DC are only young for a very short amount of time, lots of people have career breaks for many reasons. I was made redundant whilst on maternity leave and whilst we thought it would be a disaster, it did give me the chance to spend more time with my DC and I now look back and am so grateful I did.

It would only be if they're off while poorly. Also, it depends how they are when poorly. DD just slept most of the time , so I slept with her.

Or can you have set days? Like Friday and Saturday night, then your DH would be around during the day to make sure you get some sleep.

Bank shifts and pick up the ones you can do (assuming care work).

I worked nights when mine were little as it was the only way we could make things work with limited childcare. I did send the kids to a childminder during the day so I could sleep, but on the days when they were sick or childminder on holiday I'd just have to stay awake until DH got home.

It’s not a “you” issue. It happens to us all when they start nursery as they pick up bugs but you just have to wing it with other half and grandparents. Can you not take it as leave instead? Either holiday or one of the family friendly types like carers or emergency leave?

Could you work on the bank for your trust and still work the same days but not on a contract? You wouldn’t get sick pay except statutory but you might still accrue holiday pay .

Split nights or at least 1 weekend ( Fri / sat) works well if your partner works Mon/ Fri . I eventually just moved to 1 night and the odd bank shift . Are you a qualified nurse as you could always just do bank and agency for a few years .

Your husband needs to step up and do half. His job is at risk - what about yours? why is yours less important?

This

I don’t know, but I have a very flexible job and two children with additional needs.

There have been months where I’m barely at the office but I’ve been able to wfh, work evenings, take leave etc to cover (although it much better now the youngest is 7) and if I’d had a job with zero flexibility I’d have had to leave.

Husband has been covering it. Plus, I assume he might works full time so they would miss his wages

I work night shifts and weekends. I have 3 children 8, 4 and 8 months. I stay awake after nights to look after the baby and am around for school runs, school events and if anyone is unwell. Means I never miss work. It’s bloody hard and I do get very tired but I only do one night shift at a time and only 2 shifts a week. We have absolutely no family or friends to help with childcare so it’s the only way we can work it. And I’m grateful that I get to be around for the children as much as I do, I count myself very lucky to not miss anything and to have the flexibility of working shifts.

I don't have advice for you tbh but just wanted to reply that I sympathise so much. My kids are older now (8 and 4) but I remember thinking life was like a house of cards, ready to fall down round about me if anyone became ill. I'm out of those trenches now but remember it so well. I also work in healthcare and used to compress full time hours over four days which newly broke me. I work part time now in a job that can be done largely from home (which would have been even more idea years ago!)

If your husband’s job is looking shaky it is worth sticking it out and switching to nights just to make sure that your household retains an income.

Could you work nights and book the children into childcare for the following day whilst you're asleep? Then if they're ill you miss out on sleep rather than work (and can probably nap with them anyway).

At my job I have to take the time unpaid or work it back. I can't work back really as similar issues to you re childcare. They are already in wrap around full time and my DH works 40 hour weeks too. So I have to take the days/time they are ill unpaid and it's a nightmare as money is already tight.

You don't realise just because your a nurse doesn't mean you have to work f2f. I wfh attend clinic one day a month. You could also be a pip assessor

Nights and weekends.
It’s tough but better than unemployment

When mine were little ( I'm a HCP) we used our babysitter ( over 60 - granny who liked some extra £££) who would cover at short notice until one of us got home . I have 3 kids and only took time off for elective surgery for one child once . Can you get a grandparent to help for the surgery convalesces ?