Needing to make up work hours - should I leave?

[Underthewillowtree1]

Hello!

Im feeling quite stressed, I have a 11 month old and 4 year old. 11 mo is in a childminder (double adult so 6 kids) and 4yo in school. I’ve just started a new job (3.5 months ago) only 2 long days a week (11 hours days). The job is healthcare related and involves seeing patients so I obviously need to be in to do the job.

My 11mo is constantly ill! As I’m sure happens a lot when starting childcare. So far my husband has covered this plus grandparents so I haven’t had to take time off. I had to come home once and I made up the hours the next week with grandparents cover.

Due to various reasons my husband is really struggling to cover currently and his company are making a lot of cuts so he’s worried he might lose his job if he’s not seen in the office. I currently have both children unwell. 1 requiring surgery.

Work are insisting I need to give them another day that I can work next week and it’s really hard getting temporary childcare for a day I don’t usually work, plus I don’t even know if both of them will be back to school etc next week let alone leaving them with a stranger.

i appreciate that I need to do my job in person, should I just leave this job? I feel like this is only going to get worse with the kids being the ages they are and I’m hardly making any money as it is let alone paying extra childcare (I will very much be earning minus!)

With my qualifications this will basically be a problem in most jobs (having to go in person)

Do I need to just quit until they are older? The stress of trying to make up hours and finding childcare is so hard but I feel like this must be really common? How does everyone do it? Especially fulltime?

YABU - don’t quit it will get easier

YANBU - you can’t carry out the job you’ve been hired to do right now so you need to quit

If you have set working days then they cannot ask you to come in on your non-working days to make up time (you might need the money/want to be flexible so will agree to it anyway).

Wouldn’t it be better for your DH to look for a more accommodating job so you can keep working, since his company isn’t thriving anyway?

Not making much money while the kids need childcare (or even losing out) isn’t unusual, childcare is expensive, but keeping working increases your future earning potential. In 10 years time it can make a big difference. If you can possibly make it work it’s worth some struggle - especially since you sound like you really like the job.

But it is hard, employers are not generally very flexible over it (often understandable but, along with expensive childcare, the main reason it’s so hard). Lots of women end up being off a lot longer than they wanted to. I hope you find a way to make it work.

It’s really hard, we have two young DC and no grandparents close by to help. We take a mixture of annual leave and u paid leave when they are ill, with a bit of leeway with working from home when dd is sick as she’s 4 so it’s a little easier then the 1 year old. We split the time off equally between me and DH.

If the job is fundamentally a nice one then I would try to muddle on through. If it was terrible/stressful then, in your position, I’d probably take that as a hint from the universe and leave!

But I definitely second the idea of lining up some alternative paid childcare. I had a real wake-up call when I had to miss an interview because my usual family options were not available. I found a lovely retired lady and used her for regular babysitting, so knew that DC was familiar with her and she could be called upon if needed.

Thanks everyone - I haven’t done nights for a long time - I think they might just kill me off! You are all superwomen!

I think we will have to try and find an adhoc babysitter to cover the extra days and get the children used to them for when I need to make up hours. Grandparents are increasingly struggling with the children and I feel so bad asking them now.

Good to hear how others have managed - though regular being up all night and looking after a baby all day just seems so hard I can’t begin to imagine doing it and now feel like a huge failure that that doesn’t feel possible!!

Hi OP, I totally sympathise and you couldn't stay awake during the day if you did nights.
You have had a particularly rough time with both being unwell and it is likely that this won't be a reoccurring matter. Your 4 year old will be going to school soon and it seems you have some backup with grandparents.
I think that you should hang on in there right now and don't make any major decisions.
Not sure if you work for the NHS but there is a carers leave policy which permits some days off for sick children and breakdown of cc arrangements .
And jobs that you enjoy are worth hanging on to if you can.
Don't make any rash decisions and take care

Any option to do some training/additional qualms while they are little to avoid the CV gap?

If your husband might lose his job then he needs to work with you to make a plan so you don't lose yours too.
Can he take annual leave to cover some days ?

If you can afford it then yes, definitely quit. Your baby is only 11 months old and it's not really much good financially because of the childcare. The gap on your CV would be for a reason. Does anyone even notice gaps on CVs anyway?

Could you do bank work and cover any weekend shifts that are going?

If you can hang in there until this summer it should improve. That first winter in childcare is always hell on earth. I was a lone parent and those early years were just awful, I'm not sure how I survived looking back.

Can you take unpaid parental leave to give yourself a break and keep holiday for ad hoc kids sick days? I think it's worth hanging on by the skin of your teeth until the better weather arrives.

Twilight shifts, out of hours teams have 7-12. Being unsociable hours I've known lots of people make the move and drop hours as the pay is better.
The 1st 12months of nursery was hell for us, was literally a week out every month for one thing or another. However he has not missed one day since preschool started in September. It does get better!

Can you sign up to bank work only?

The ad-hoc babysitter is a good idea if you can sort and want to keep your daytime job

If you move to nights, why would you be looking after a baby during the day? Why not just schedule the childminder days for after your nightshift.

Get a nanny

Can you do very part time - maybe one day a week? Or others have said evening hours or one weekend day when your husband will be at home anyway? Its really difficult but it does get easier once they are at school.

Can you use annual leave?
Can you take unpaid leave?
Can you take parental leave?
Look at your employers policies and don't assume your direct manger knows what's available!

It is hard but I think is a good idea to keep the job and some independence; take each day and week as it comes. just focus on one problem at a time; don’t start thinking what if they get sick again. Face that one when it comes; it is earlier days. Don’t give up so soon.

It is hard but I think is a good idea to keep the job and some independence; take each day and week as it comes. just focus on one problem at a time; don’t start thinking what if they get sick again. Face that one when it comes; it is earlier days. Don’t give up so soon.

If your role is health care look at assessing for PIP/DLA they are always looking for people and you just need to be qualified in a HC role. Suspect it’s largely desk WFH kinda role.

If you work for the NHS or most companies, you may have the option to take carer's leave for a limited number of hours per year. Alternatively, you could use annual leave to cover the day they require you to make up your hours. Many healthcare professionals find it easier to work night shifts, as this can help eliminate childcare costs, provided you and your partner coordinate to manage childcare responsibilities.

Could you tell us what area you work in/what skills?
There are many health care roles which aren't 12hr shifts, but does depend what you do?
A friend is a nurse, who did years of NHS work. She now teaches CPR/first aid to new parents/grandparents in a local hall she rents. Likely not enough to be a full time roll, but might be something to supplement bank/agency work and you set your own hours.

Could you do the night before they are normally in childcare? Then it’s just the odd occasion of no sleep if they are really unwell?

A friend did nights but still used childcare the next day. So if they were ill she was there but otherwise she could sleep

Let me shout it loud - PROBIOTICS! For all of you. Take them everyday without fail.