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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend annoyed at me for this

56 replies

OneBrightAzureBiscuit · 17/01/2025 15:55

i have a best friend who I get on so well with, she’s like a sister to me and we have known each other years. Anyways, we were talking over the past month about seeing a certain film at the cinema. She loosely mentioned it a few times but plans never materialised. I was waiting for her to get back to me about it.

anyways, yesterday me and my partner went to see the said film and she found out that I went and watched it with him. She texted me today in an ok mood but kind of passively aggressively confronted me about it- she was like “I see you saw “said film”
I explained and said “sorry if I upset you, you didn’t make plans with me and I was invited so I went, I would of gone if you had arranged it with me”
she then said “I see you’re sorry, I was just shocked but it’s ok now”.
we have now planned to see it next Thursday but I just don’t understand. I could definitely understand her emotion if it was another woman like in the sense of replacing her but it’s my boyfriend! We been together 6 months!
I apologised a few times but my boyfriend said I need to stop defending myself

any advice/ what are your thoughts? X

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 17/01/2025 16:58

I’d have checked with her first too - she might have been waiting for you to get back to her about it?

MassiveSalad22 · 17/01/2025 16:59

WhenTheyComeForYou · 17/01/2025 16:28

If she mentioned it a few times, why didn’t you make any steps to plan the trip? Why were you waiting for her to do it?

If I knew a friend wanted to see something, personally I’d check with them before I saw it with a boyfriend - although to be fair you’re fine seeing it twice so I guess it doesn’t matter.

I wouldn’t make this into a big deal if you otherwise get on well.

Because OP had tried making plans and friend hadn’t got back to her, and it had been a MONTH. Cinema plans shouldn’t be such a slog 😂

From the OP: we were talking over the past month about seeing a certain film at the cinema. She loosely mentioned it a few times but plans never materialised. I was waiting for her to get back to me about it.

If friend wanted to go and see it so bad (let’s face it, it’s probably Wicked), she could/should have done so by now.

Spirallingdownwards · 17/01/2025 16:59

Stop apologising to her.

It was mentioned loosely. She never got back to you. That's on her. Don't let her make you feel bad when she is the kne who didn't get back to you

biscuitsandbooks · 17/01/2025 17:01

Hmm, I'm torn here.

While I think your friend has overreacted, you knew she wanted to see it - so in your shoes I'd have asked her if she wanted to join you, I think.

sonjadog · 17/01/2025 17:04

This happens with me and my friends all the time. It goes: we talk about going to see a film, we never quite get round to planning it, one of them goes and sees it with their partner, we go and see something else at the cinema instead. I don't think it needs to be harder than that? It's just a film, not a once in a lifetime experience. If you wait long enough you can probably watch it together on Netflix.

JLou08 · 17/01/2025 17:06

Why do you keep apologising? She said it was okay. You seem to be over thinking this. I can't see what the issue is, just move on from it.

MarkingBad · 17/01/2025 17:09

Why did you apologise? Neither of you actually made any plans to go together for real, it was just a thought. She is not your keeper and has no rights to expect you to wait on her whim.

Why others are suggesting you should have asked her permission to go with your BF is just downright odd. You could have gone all together but who wants to be a third wheel or have a friend tagging along when you are with a partner? It's not like going to see a film is a group fun night out.

She has a problem not you. Stop apologising to her, it gives her power over you that she shouldn't have.

CandyCane457 · 17/01/2025 17:17

50/50.

She asked you if you fancied seeing it but plans never materialised… you were waiting for her to sort it out, could you not have solidified the plan with her? Do you always just wait for her to sort the logistics? You knew she wanted to see it with you, so when your boyfriend suggested it I do think that could’ve been a good time to say to him “Oo actually xxxx did mention seeing that with me but it never got sorted, I’d best just check with her if she’s still up for it as I should probably go with her” or if it works in your dynamics, you could’ve asked her to go with you and your boyfriend.

I do also think that her reaction is very childish/dramatic. If I was her in that position I might be a bit miffed and just say to my boyfriend “oh that’s really annoying I asked xxxx a few weeks ago if she wanted to see xxxx with me and she said yes, but I’ve just seen she went with her boyfriend!” And after that little moan, I’d move on. I’d never call my friend out for it as it’s just too insignificant to cause drama over.

Also just curious- how did she find out you’d seen it?

Hipalong · 17/01/2025 17:27

saveforthat · 17/01/2025 16:33

Anyways, it's anyway.

Except where it isn't.

poemsandwine · 17/01/2025 17:38

biscuitsandbooks · 17/01/2025 17:01

Hmm, I'm torn here.

While I think your friend has overreacted, you knew she wanted to see it - so in your shoes I'd have asked her if she wanted to join you, I think.

Yeah, this. I would have checked.

ItGhoul · 17/01/2025 17:42

I think your friend's being an absolute baby, personally. It's not like you seeing the film with your boyfriend now means she can't see the film at all. She can see it with someone else or go on her own or whatever. It's a non-issue and she's a giant twat for being 'shocked'. Your boyfriend's right.

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/01/2025 17:45

My advice would be to stop apologising.

"Anyways, we were talking over the past month about seeing a certain film at the cinema. She loosely mentioned it a few times but plans never materialised. I was waiting for her to get back to me about it."
What does this actually mean? Was the phrase 'I want to see this film' (or equivalent) ever said? Did either of you say 'when do you fancy going'? Did the conversation get as far as 'I'll check my diary and get back to you'? Were you passive throughout, waiting for her to materialise these plans, or were you active and she didn't respond?

Curtainqueen · 17/01/2025 17:56

Is your friend 6?

PennyApril54 · 17/01/2025 17:58

Yes just forget it. It's extremely decent of you to go and see it again with her. Don't listen to any of her moaning about it. She's behaving like a 10 year old.

Poppins2016 · 17/01/2025 17:59

Why didn't the plans materialise? I wonder whether the bigger picture (and reason for passive aggression) is perhaps that you're never available for plans due to the new(ish) boyfriend? I've found myself in similar situations (suggest doing something, friend isn't available, then friend does the suggested activity with new boyfriend... it feels rubbish) and friendships have drifted as a result.

AsmallabodeIsallweWant · 17/01/2025 17:59

She is one of those who loves their friends intensely , like family. Both a blessing and a curse; Nice when you have no one, so she is always there but annoying when you have a boyfriend

Tittat50 · 17/01/2025 18:03

HelplessSoul · 17/01/2025 16:24

Your friend sounds like a snowflake cunt.

No need to explain why you went to the cinema etc to her. Wide berth and start being unavailble like she is to you.

This is the funniest thing I've read all day ' snowflake cunt ' 🤣 - legend.

OP, I sense your friend is the boss in this relationship and on some level you're scared to stand up to her. I understand this as a people pleaser in the past.

' I was waiting for you to firm up plans and was really keen to see it. You fancy catching up for a drink on xyz?'

No sorry FFS. You have nothing to apologise for.

BeMellowOchreZebra · 17/01/2025 18:04

@OneBrightAzureBiscuit your friend sounds like high maintenance.

I'd she wanted to go and see it with you then why didn't she ask??

And why are you going to see it again? That's daft!

Hellofreshh · 17/01/2025 18:16

Some harsh comments here. OP is in a new relationship of only 6 months. We don't know the friends situation however OP seems like a good person too. I think OPs aware she's in the wrong here hence the post. Nothing to fall out over though!

HoppityBun · 17/01/2025 18:19

Hellofreshh · 17/01/2025 18:16

Some harsh comments here. OP is in a new relationship of only 6 months. We don't know the friends situation however OP seems like a good person too. I think OPs aware she's in the wrong here hence the post. Nothing to fall out over though!

I don’t think she’s in the wrong

Greyish2025 · 17/01/2025 19:09

HeffalumpsAndWoozlesAreHoneyRobbingTwats · 17/01/2025 16:29

Tell her to fuck off and get a grip. Also, why are you paying to go see it a second time? Was it marvellous enough for that?

Exactly, why on earth are you seeing it a second time?

LunaMay · 18/01/2025 06:34

Yeah, i don't understand why she wouldn't of come to mind once the film was mentioned if she is your best friend and you had had several conversations about it.

Don't let a new boyfriend pass comment on your friends, especially your best friend. No good will come from that.

AlpacaMittens · 18/01/2025 06:46

Does she suffer from anxiety and/or depression? I can see myself in her cringey behaviour and in my case it was because of generalised anxiety disorder. Still not your fault! Just trying to find an explanation. You did nothing wrong.

AlpacaMittens · 18/01/2025 06:49

Also you might get some confusing results in the votes - I was tempted to press AIBU as I felt you were unreasonable for apologising so much to her about something so meaningless.

Voting guidance needed! 😬

susiedaisy1912 · 18/01/2025 06:52

user2848502016 · 17/01/2025 16:51

Hmmm I think i'm with your friend actually. You said you would see the film with her then went off and saw it with someone else without checking with her or inviting her along? Why was it up to her to organise it?
Maybe she had other people she could have gone with but turned them down because she had already said she'd see it with you

This.