Hi, I (24) had a disagreement with my work best friend (21) that has resulted in her blocking me on every social media platform, including her partner's account.
We met when I interviewed for my current role (we are both expats), and she was the first friend I made here. Before I started, she shared some negative opinions about the company, mentioning a high turnover rate and that some of the team weren’t particularly friendly. This made me hesitant, though I’ve since realized people leave for various reasons, and my experience with the team has been positive. I now see that her perspective may stem from her working in reception, where she’s often isolated. She is only on a temporary contract and intends to leave in June.
At work, I’ve tried to be supportive, helping her with tasks like Excel and Word, as she’s not comfortable using them, and even taking on things like putting up the office Christmas tree. She enjoys talking about her life, which can be quite dramatic, and while she’s engaging, she also has a direct and sometimes argumentative demeanor. For example, she has frequent conflicts with her in-laws, with whom she lives, and has been vocal about not tolerating them despite my attempts to suggest maintaining respect for her partner’s family.
Over the Christmas shutdown, we met twice, but her texts were often negative. She mentioned feeling let down by the holiday, though she had isolated herself from her partner’s family. This behavior, along with her telling a colleague I was “off” with her (when I was actually unwell with sunstroke), left me feeling drained. It also made me reflect on how we might have different friendship needs—she thrives on high-energy interactions, while I prefer a more low-maintenance dynamic.
She didn’t come into work because she struggled to sleep, said she had anxiety, and then she had intrusive thoughts (all while I’m sat at my desk) so I immediately panicked. She said her partner isn’t as supportive; and I reminded her off the Employee Assistance Program and encouraged her to reach out to someone; which she now has, after months of persuasion. She’s a very erratic and emotional person, which I find draining.
She’s very into fitness and dieting and often talks about calories, steps, and gym routines during lunch. While I respect her focus, it has been difficult for me as someone recovering from an eating disorder and on my own weight-loss journey. I’ve tried to set boundaries and explain that this constant discussion is overwhelming, but it hasn’t changed much.
Recently, we were planning a trip with a mutual friend, and her immediate focus was on making it about her birthday (“Can we make it all about me?”), despite it being a girls' trip for our mutual friend’s farewell. Her birthday (and mine) are in April and the trip is planned for end of May. While this was frustrating, I tried to keep things light and reminded her it was a girls trip for everyone. However, the tension grew when she asked me to join her in training for an ultramarathon. I laughed and declined, explaining that I couldn’t see myself doing it, but she insisted I could if I trained now. For context, I can’t run 5k and the ultramarathon is in June 2025.
During lunch that same day, she mentioned wanting to meet people more aligned with her fitness interests, and I encouraged her to join local groups. I also took the opportunity to express that all the gym and calorie talk was becoming difficult for me, hoping it would be constructive (however, I think this did upset her because of my delivery and tone (her style) and used the words ‘unbearable’).
She didn’t take it well and told me I’d been calling her out on things I hadn’t previously mentioned or been “ok” with. I explained that I was trying to protect my peace and help her see how some comments might come across. My exact delivery was ‘some of the things you say come across as ignorant’ which, they do i.e. complaining about immigrants back home when we are immigrants in Australia, or moaning the police do nothing (I find all of this very chav talk). She responded by saying she could tell I was “sick of her” (repeatedly), that I was “too mature” for her and her friends back home were ignorant like her, and that we don’t always have lunch together but then suggested we don’t have lunch together anymore, abruptly cutting things off. I barely got a word in and stayed silent more, and she walked back to the office by herself.
The next day, she avoided me at work, throwing sour looks my way, which felt unprofessional in our corporate setting. I decided to reach out via message to address the situation, but in hindsight, my approach may not have been ideal:
“Hey, I’ve thought about what happened yesterday. I didn’t like how the situation was handled—it felt abrupt. I live in a very busy house and work with a lot of people, and sometimes I just want to have time alone. I’d like for us to stay civil and professional at work, with no sour faces or silence. A polite hello and goodbye wouldn’t hurt as opposed to ignoring each other ☺️.”
I am aware I should’ve left certain parts of my message out, but I wasn’t anticipating her to block me on every platform, including TikTok and her partner’s account. We still work together and will for the new few months, but I just don’t know how to process it or how to respond (if I even should).
At the end of the day, I’m glad we’re no longer friends if this is her reaction but this is my long term career and I feel embarrassed having “drama” with someone in the workplace. It is a very professional and corporate setting where big personalities are discouraged and disliked, and as I am the newer of the two, I don’t want to be painted in a bad light because I genuinely feel like I didn’t do anything wrong besides wording things poorly.
AIBU?