Was I in the Wrong?

[LemonWriter]

Hi, I (24) had a disagreement with my work best friend (21) that has resulted in her blocking me on every social media platform, including her partner's account.

We met when I interviewed for my current role (we are both expats), and she was the first friend I made here. Before I started, she shared some negative opinions about the company, mentioning a high turnover rate and that some of the team weren’t particularly friendly. This made me hesitant, though I’ve since realized people leave for various reasons, and my experience with the team has been positive. I now see that her perspective may stem from her working in reception, where she’s often isolated. She is only on a temporary contract and intends to leave in June.

At work, I’ve tried to be supportive, helping her with tasks like Excel and Word, as she’s not comfortable using them, and even taking on things like putting up the office Christmas tree. She enjoys talking about her life, which can be quite dramatic, and while she’s engaging, she also has a direct and sometimes argumentative demeanor. For example, she has frequent conflicts with her in-laws, with whom she lives, and has been vocal about not tolerating them despite my attempts to suggest maintaining respect for her partner’s family.

Over the Christmas shutdown, we met twice, but her texts were often negative. She mentioned feeling let down by the holiday, though she had isolated herself from her partner’s family. This behavior, along with her telling a colleague I was “off” with her (when I was actually unwell with sunstroke), left me feeling drained. It also made me reflect on how we might have different friendship needs—she thrives on high-energy interactions, while I prefer a more low-maintenance dynamic.

She didn’t come into work because she struggled to sleep, said she had anxiety, and then she had intrusive thoughts (all while I’m sat at my desk) so I immediately panicked. She said her partner isn’t as supportive; and I reminded her off the Employee Assistance Program and encouraged her to reach out to someone; which she now has, after months of persuasion. She’s a very erratic and emotional person, which I find draining.

She’s very into fitness and dieting and often talks about calories, steps, and gym routines during lunch. While I respect her focus, it has been difficult for me as someone recovering from an eating disorder and on my own weight-loss journey. I’ve tried to set boundaries and explain that this constant discussion is overwhelming, but it hasn’t changed much.

Recently, we were planning a trip with a mutual friend, and her immediate focus was on making it about her birthday (“Can we make it all about me?”), despite it being a girls' trip for our mutual friend’s farewell. Her birthday (and mine) are in April and the trip is planned for end of May. While this was frustrating, I tried to keep things light and reminded her it was a girls trip for everyone. However, the tension grew when she asked me to join her in training for an ultramarathon. I laughed and declined, explaining that I couldn’t see myself doing it, but she insisted I could if I trained now. For context, I can’t run 5k and the ultramarathon is in June 2025.

During lunch that same day, she mentioned wanting to meet people more aligned with her fitness interests, and I encouraged her to join local groups. I also took the opportunity to express that all the gym and calorie talk was becoming difficult for me, hoping it would be constructive (however, I think this did upset her because of my delivery and tone (her style) and used the words ‘unbearable’).

She didn’t take it well and told me I’d been calling her out on things I hadn’t previously mentioned or been “ok” with. I explained that I was trying to protect my peace and help her see how some comments might come across. My exact delivery was ‘some of the things you say come across as ignorant’ which, they do i.e. complaining about immigrants back home when we are immigrants in Australia, or moaning the police do nothing (I find all of this very chav talk). She responded by saying she could tell I was “sick of her” (repeatedly), that I was “too mature” for her and her friends back home were ignorant like her, and that we don’t always have lunch together but then suggested we don’t have lunch together anymore, abruptly cutting things off. I barely got a word in and stayed silent more, and she walked back to the office by herself.

The next day, she avoided me at work, throwing sour looks my way, which felt unprofessional in our corporate setting. I decided to reach out via message to address the situation, but in hindsight, my approach may not have been ideal:
“Hey, I’ve thought about what happened yesterday. I didn’t like how the situation was handled—it felt abrupt. I live in a very busy house and work with a lot of people, and sometimes I just want to have time alone. I’d like for us to stay civil and professional at work, with no sour faces or silence. A polite hello and goodbye wouldn’t hurt as opposed to ignoring each other ☺️.”

I am aware I should’ve left certain parts of my message out, but I wasn’t anticipating her to block me on every platform, including TikTok and her partner’s account. We still work together and will for the new few months, but I just don’t know how to process it or how to respond (if I even should).

At the end of the day, I’m glad we’re no longer friends if this is her reaction but this is my long term career and I feel embarrassed having “drama” with someone in the workplace. It is a very professional and corporate setting where big personalities are discouraged and disliked, and as I am the newer of the two, I don’t want to be painted in a bad light because I genuinely feel like I didn’t do anything wrong besides wording things poorly.

AIBU?

I’m not being dramatic about it either, she’s the one that felt I was sick of her, decided for us to not have lunch, walk away and block me, all because I told her how it is (maybe in a not so polite way).

How did you expect her to react? “Oh you’re right I do go on and on, I am quite overbearing - thank you so much for bringing to my attention”? You told her how it is for you, she’s perfectly entitled to withdraw from the friendship - and to find it hard to be pleasant. Truthful or not what you says to her would have hurt, there were better ways to negotiate the friendship other than your scorched earth approach.

All you need to do is be professional with her in the workplace, and not concern yourself with her behaviour. If it’s that bad someone will notice and have a chat to her but the friendship was never going to survive you “telling it as it is”.

You both sound awful tbh
You sound judgemental about her home life as well as what she's like at work
You arent friends so just leave it at that

You don’t like her, and from what you’ve said about the conversant messages you sounded patronising so I’m sure she’s in no doubt. You do sound like you behaved unpleasantly too with your tone and language. If you don’t want to be friends why do you care that she’s blocked you?. Just let is go, act professionally and move on.

My advice would be to give her a cheery Hi and Goodbye every day as you go through reception if she is working there. Other than that, the relationship has run its course and she clearly didn't like hearing that you considered her ignorant (of the facts of what was being discussed at the time) and that you think she has a sour face (now that she has established what she feels are suitable boundaries) and she feels that you are too mature for her.

Time to give her as much acknowledgement as she gives you.

I’m 25 and what you describe here is high school drama. It’s ridiculous. You both are wrong and shouldn’t be friends.

ETA - she’s not going to risk her job becuase of a petty squabble either.

You've hurt her feelings and from what you've said, I'm not exactly surprised she doesn't really want anything to do with you.

You don't need to be friends or to have a chat - just get on with your work and let her be.

You both sound very intense. Move on find new friends you just aren't compatible

You did absolutely nothing wrong. It's a friendship. Why was it all about her and her needs? It was good of you to speak up. This way, you can both get out of this pretend friendship and move on to greener pastures. You can tell everything has to go her way with the way she even used her partners accounts to block you lol, such a child. YANBU.

So she's only 20/21?
She's very young still.
You sound very high and mighty..

Your ex-friend sounds like exceptionally hard work, to the point where I'd be wondering if she has something like borderline/emotionally unstable personality disorder or something similar.

You've done nothing wrong. You explained clearly to a pushy, hyper-sensitive, selfish, difficult, needy drama queen that you struggle with talk of calorie counting because you're recovering from an eating disorder. You needed to do that for your own wellbeing. Her wellbeing isn't more important than yours. You did the right thing and she is in the wrong. By all means say a polite 'Hi' when you bump into her but that's all you need to do.

Why did you need to say anything to her? Couldn't you have just slow faded, not responded etc. you work together and you created a confrontation which she's responded to by completely withdrawing. Did you want her to acquiesce/apologise/beg you for forgiveness? That was never going to happen. You couldn't handled the situation in a much less combative way using grey rock.

I just think even from the first bits of the post it sounded like you just didn't like her very much

Getting Year 9 girl vibes from this thread.

I don't think I would have been friends with her, if she were at my workplace. She sounds attention seeking and far too much energy and lack of focus for me.

However, you did form a friendship. You then got to know her better and realised she wasn't someone you enjoyed spending time with. Rather than cooling the (presumably fairly new) friendship, you critiqued her, commented on her shortcomings, insulted her.

She then blocked you. She hasn't ever said anything nasty to you, or critical. She hurt you either way her calorie talk, but that was thoughtless rather than insulting.

And then you messaged her because you thought she'd looked at you with a sour expression. You questioned her professionalism.

It sounds very tit for tat to me.

She's hurt. A young woman away from her home country, living with ILs she doesn't feel close to. Her job is insecure. She latched onto you and didn't read your reaction to her overbearing behaviour. She's lost a friend.

You aren't meant to be friends, but even you can see you've made mistakes. It's not all on her and her immaturity.

Really can't see what you could be getting from this friendship. I would be relieved she blocked me and put my energy into finding a more equal friendship.

Friendships come and go. If this was a partner you know exactly what you would tell yourself.

I feel like you're just not a good match at all, and probably became "friends" because you needed someone, being new, and she likes chatting to anyone and everyone. You actually sound like you've nothing in common. I feel like, given her personality, you were too blunt (but I can see how you got there), I'd personally have gone for a "phase out" approach of just not being available and being "too busy" for her. Given she's high drama and falls out with people it was inevitable she'd react like this unfortunately. There's nothing you can do now, you just need to suck up the grumpiness. Nobody else will know she's blocked you, they might see some grumpy side eye, but I suspect everyone knows what she's like, and it sounds like she will be professional from your updates.
Just avoid her, move forward, ignore the drama. I would suggest, gently, that you do seem quite keen on "correcting" people and airing your points, in the way you've described your interactions with her and the responses here. I'd suggest with new friends or annoying people at work, just letting things slide- you don't need to teach them, tell them, or share your view of their behaviour. I always say "you do you", focus on your behaviour, your relationships etc, and if you don't like someone else's behaviour just ignore it and distance yourself because you can't change them or make them agree with you. You'll find life much less drama going forward.