How to deal with patronizing manager

[spanieleyes22]

So I have moved teams- not my choice but was told I had to- and my new manager is just giving me the ick. I don't like her but that doesn't matter I'm always professional. She keeps sending me pm's thanking me for doing tasks- nothing extra (lol) just my job- and thanking me profusely. Then she sent me a pm telling me she will always be there to help me and she has every faith in me that I will rise to the challenge of this new role. I find it quite patronizing. Aibu. I'm pretty experienced in my role and am not nervous about this new role lol. Maybe aibu and she is trying but it's ugh to me 🤣

Is she a new manager? She sounds like she’s uncomfortable delegating. I would find her patronising too.

lol yea first time as a manager. She's either very bossy - or ultra thankful. What shall I reply to her messages. I haven't replied to 2 of them yet - a thanking one and a I have faith in you one. Want to knock it on the head diplomatically

My first thought is that she is quite an inexperienced manager. I'd probably just keep replies minimal so as not to encourage this sort of pep talk and just say reply thanks with a thumbs up or something 😄

Yeh don't even want to give it a thumbs up. Suppose
That's the most succinct tho!

Ok how about a good old fashioned "np". Don't give in to any urges to add a kiss x

Try to continue to ignore them, she sounds silly
She would drive me nuts though

lol ha ha like it !

I wouldn’t do that, it looks childish, if you don’t want her treating you like a child don’t behave like one

Yeh I won't do it for real. Am too professional 🤣what's a good response to all the thanking .

Need to say something to shut it down

Is a reply required if someone is thanking you for having done something? I think I just wouldn’t reply, unless there was a question in there.

'That's very kind,thank you.So about the Xyz project...'

Why do you need to thank someone for thanking you !? It will never end 😁

Just ignore. The thank you would be the end of that particular conversation as far as I was concerned

I think saying thank you and acknowledge work is a lost art. I also think knowing how to respond is becoming a forgotten skill.

I do not think she is being patronising and I know I am going against the grain here but if she is saying thank you and acknowledging she is around if you need her to. It is in my opinion more likely she is aiming to create a inclusive work environment where her team know they can count on her.

For responses.
You're welcome
Thanks for this, I'm OK
I will keep this in mind.
All OK here, thanks
That's kind of you
I'm glad.it was helpful
I'm glad you liked it
Anytime
Off course
My pleasure
I'm glad I could help
I appreciate your gratitude.
Absolutely
It was my pleasure

Oh no a manager actually took the time to thank you for your work and to reach out to let you know they're there to help. How awful

You say she's a new manager. She's probably been on a course which says to remember to thank your staff and make them feel valued and to make sure they know you're there for them.

You might feel confident but another member of staff being promoted/moving teams might not and would find the message a relief and a help.

You don't need to keep replying to the thank you and the "rise to the challenge" just say "thank you for your confidence in me. I feel pretty comfortable at the moment but if there is ever any problems I'll remember to talk to you" or similar.

I agree with this. She perhaps realises you were reluctant to move teams, and this is her way of making you feel welcome. It may ease off once you've been there a while.

You could raise it in a one-to-one by saying something along the lines of "It's kind of you to thank me so often, but I'm just doing the job I enjoy, so don't feel you have to spend time doing this."

No need to reply to the “thank you” messages for routine tasks. As for the message about the new role, I’d be inclined to say something quite brief along the lines of thanks, and you’re hoping that your experience in [doing the role or an equivalent] will stand you in good stead. Might get the point across that you’re confident - and
not a rookie.

No need to thank me I’m just doing my job?

Goodness I wish my Manager praised her staff!

I know what you're saying @MartinCrieffsLemon I can't explain why it makes me cringe

I used to wish this too @RabbitsRock lol. It's just too effusive and o can't explain but it makes me feel the opposite of cause I can't explain. All I can relate it to is where someone is constantly praising a child or an old person for doing something simple. It feels patronizing.

Managers can't really win. For every person finding it patronising there'll be another saying they want more acknowledgement and positive feedback. I got 360 degree feedback last year and in the things to improve box were directly contradictory things. To an extent you have to tailor your approach but it takes time to learn people's preferences, and sometimes the contradictory requests are about things that would impact the whole team. You can't please everyone. I think I would say something along the lines that you're fine and just doing your job.

The thank yous etc I would not have a problem with, the 'you'll rise to the challenge' type messages I would have an issue with and I'd wonder what they'd been told about me or what vibes I was giving off. If it carried on I'd have a chat with them about it and try and build the relationship to make it stop. Hopefully you can give the manager a bit of time to settle in to the role and managing you and get on with the day job.

I agree with @Enko especially given the low state of staff morale in so many workplaces up and down the country. The manager can't win really. If they leave you to it they can be seen as uninterested and out of touch, if they encourage you they're apparently cringe and ick- two of the most childish terms around at the moment. If anything I am wondering where the discomfort comes from for you and why you feel you don't deserve praise unless you go above and beyond. Sounds to me like your manager is unintentionally bringing up some stuff in you and that's why you're so uncomfortable with the kind and encouraging emails.

Ah OP, so many people are uncomfortable about accepting a compliment. Just reply (when a reply is required) starting with the lightest touch of grace - like @Enko suggested, then go heavier on the professionalism thereafter.