How to deal with patronizing manager

[spanieleyes22]

So I have moved teams- not my choice but was told I had to- and my new manager is just giving me the ick. I don't like her but that doesn't matter I'm always professional. She keeps sending me pm's thanking me for doing tasks- nothing extra (lol) just my job- and thanking me profusely. Then she sent me a pm telling me she will always be there to help me and she has every faith in me that I will rise to the challenge of this new role. I find it quite patronizing. Aibu. I'm pretty experienced in my role and am not nervous about this new role lol. Maybe aibu and she is trying but it's ugh to me 🤣

There's a difference between praising someone, and being thankful to someone.

Set up a chat with her and tell her she doesn't need to thank you so much, these are normal tasks for you and your job, and you're happy to do them.

No need to be passive aggressive about it. Communicate. She might be trying her best to seem thoughtful, she might be stressed and overwhelmed. You could be more feeling more confident in your role than she is hers. Have some empathy. Communicate!

My manager is nudging me toward expanding my role and I find his “you can do it” reassuring. He is stuffed as in there is nobody else he can give this extra responsibility to, but it still helps, placebo effect.

It's probably really well intended and she doesn't mean to cone across as patronising.

To be fair you were made to change teams against your will.She may have been briefed as to reasons why you had to come to her and she’s responding to that. For example if your performance wasn’t great or you lacked drive and motivation etc.

Huh??? No it's because the other team
Have lost staff to redundancy and sickness and there's a recruitment feeeze so we are being moved around to fill
Gaps. You're charming! @Coolasfeck

Is she doing it to other people aswell of just you

What’s ‘charming’ got to do with it? How am I to know why you were moved? All you said was that you had no choice but to move? I don’t know you.

ChatGPT is your friend.

Type what you want to say. Then write your instructions along the lines of “Rewrite this email in a friendly, diplomatic and corporate tone”.

What’s np please?

There's a manager like this in my workplace. It feels 'icky' because it's over the top and insincere.

'thanks for doing that' - fine, normal response.

'thank you for doing that, you're a star, I really appreciate you, your doing so great at your job' - patronising and insincere.

I would find really annoying but I would give her the benefit of the doubt. It could just be that she's overdoing it in the "praise" after a training or coaching she has received.

I'm on the opposite scale as I'm aware I don't give enough positive feedback to my team. But I've seen some really stupid training from top management that would push for that kind of behaviour.

@Coolasfeck yeh but you just assumed negative stuff 🤔

More OTT thank yous in person
And by message today. I'm not sure if she does it to the others I haven't noticed her thanking them but she could
Be pm ing them

No problem

I can think of a lot worse things than being thanked more than perhaps is necessary. Maybe she senses you don't like her, as you've stated, and is trying to change that. Most people prefer to be liked and managing others isn't easy. Try being more warm towards her and maybe she'll gain confidence and won't feel the need to try so hard with you.

This works well.

True, but they're always useful to save into your appraisal folder - and are even more useful when six months later, you get an email with a cast of thousands CCd in that's bollocking you for doing exactly that thing they thanked you so effusively for (the main benefit of Reply All and Forward as Attachment, IMO).