Stranger asking personal questions

[Cherryupandblossom]

Was speaking to another mum I've never met before at a group and she was asking loads of questions, child's birthday month and day and age, what child's school, childs name, family mum dad how many brothers sisters, where i worked, where i was born, where my partner works, etc etc

Just felt it was alot, I answered the questions to be friendly but I didn't know how to stop the personal questions or what to say. I prefer to keep things private to protect my children and myself etc

How do i manage a situation like this next time? And avoid giving out my personal information? Would you be ok with this?

AIBU yes - this is normal chat w strangers/meeting people
Not AIBU - too much info or too soon

I have a vague acquaintance who asks questions like this. Vague as in I have only met her twice through her husband who attends a hobby club my DH attends. It's really disconcerting. I think some people are socially inept and think this sort of interrogation is polite. Or they store the info up to regurgitate to others.

I am the Queen of Deflection. I am quite shy and don't much like talking about myself. So i usually try and turn the queries back ' what about you? ' usually people are happy to talk about themselves.

You don't have to answer.
And some of that sounds well dodgy.
Could be used for fraud.
You must drill yourself to not be led by others so much.
Could put yourself in jeopardy.
Could just smile in a dreamy way and say well that's an interesting question.
Just side step.
All the best.

YANBU. Could she have been a scammer? That’s all potential security info. Have you got all your cards?! Think I’d have been polite but given false dates etc.

I’d answer vaguely.

How old are you? Wrong side of 40
Where were you born? Up North
Child’s birthday? Summer

it was probably innocent and she was just trying to get to know you in a very analytical way. Although you should watch out anyway.

It is one thing for a stranger to ask how old a child is, and completely another to want to know the date, and month, and all the rest that was asked. You did not have to answer all those types of questions. Learn to deflect such intrusions.

the answer is
What about You

It did feel too much, I just didn't know what to say and it was alot, I didn't stop enough to think

Am my little ones or I at risk? ☹️ if so how do i fix it?

How do i deflect in future? I did ask what about you but it was after answering the questions, I agree i really need to learn how to deflect and be vague and not be led. What's your tips? What do you say? Whats your go to answers?

I really hope it was someone trying to get to know me with good intentions and a lesson learned

Turn it back to them. Take control of the situation

I hate being interrogated like this 😂 I used to go to a beauty therapist who would spend the whole time quizzing me. I fucked her off in the end.

It sounds a bit much. Maybe she wants to do your star chart?

Exactly that...'where do you live'? give an answer...then ask 'where do you live'?
Then talk about her area, etc...most people like talking about themselves anyway, so you are off the hook from being interrogated.

Stop being such a people pleaser. Just say “oh, enough about me” and then either ask her a raft of rude questions or turn and walk away.

I haven't got time for all that.
I usually give them a questionnaire and ask them to complete and return it to me next week.

I'll admit, it's a bit hit and miss. Some people do (one did) but most seem to avoid me whenever I see them - I don't know why.

Assuming she wasn't taking notes, then I suspect it was just trying to make conversation rather than work out how to scam you.

I mean, when I was at toddler group I was so tired it was hard to remember my own name let along someone else's details on the off chance you could use them to scam them.

She’s out of conversation topics so has to run through all the boring stuff.
Give her something back, and move onto more interesting stuff like what was on TV last night and whether it will rain!

On other threads people complain when no one speaks to them.

We are programmed from a young age to be polite and reply to the adults asking us questions.

I would deflect with a joke

"Blimey, are you in MI5?"

"You'll be wanting my mother's maiden name and name of my first pet next!"

If that doesn't get through, say you have to be somewhere, or pretend your phone is vibrating or you've had a text and need to step away to make a call.

Or when someone asks you questions that make you feel slightly uneasy, recognise it sooner and start really thinking carefully about the answers. Answer very very slowly and they'll hopefully get bored. "Oooh, now there's a question, let me see if I can remember...."

Some people (inc. new mums) can find social situations new and challenging. Maybe she was nervous and asked too much without thinking because she was trying too hard. Don’t necessarily assume scammer. Saying that, it is a lot of random questions. I would say things like ‘my son was born in June so the younger end of his class, he attends a school close to where we live, we live in [city name or nearby area]. Vague without being rude or making things awkward

I'd go with this method. If pushed for dates I'd probably mix up the numbers from all my kids birthdays so if it does become a friendship I have the excuse I got muddled.

Start by weaning yourself off the idea of having to be polite to people!

It's ok to be equally rude back and reply "that's far too personal and really none of your business."

Otherwise, listen to politicians and how they never directly answer any question put to them but choose to respond by talking about something they do want the interviewer to hear.

As with most things, practice makes perfect plus a healthy dose of menopausal 'fuck you' mentality. I frickin' love my older self! 😂

If someone asks about birthdays I’d say in the summer, which is really nice because you can use the outside space when you’re having a birthday party - there’s never enough space when you have 20 children running around - or you can hire a bouncy castle - it’s so hard to keep the older ones and younger ones separate though and you can’t have 9 year olds bouncing around 2 year olds because that’s a recipe for disaster - but with the weather we have you never know how it’s going to be - the last wedding I went to was in mid August but it was soooo cold and the menu was all salads and we were shivering …

You can keep talking without actually giving any really personal details.

I love lots of these answers, they are really helpful, thank you so much everyone!!

I'll keep an eye out for new replies too

Lots of good ideas here.
I would perhaps laugh and say that your palms are sweating! I know someone who is like this - no terrible motive just plain old bloody nosy!
I often use the phrase 'so what do you do when you're not ... working here/with the kids/at playgroup etc etc. This leads nicely into people talking about themselves which you can then build on. I learnt this because I am rubbish at smalltalk and it helps conquer my nerves a little when in a room full of people I don't know!

Say you need the toilet and go then come back and try to sit somewhere else or pretend you have an important phone message to answer if you need space to think.

Agree, for every question I’m asked I ask a similar question back, it soon stops