To worry my DC will waste everything they inherit?

[ForGreenPombear]

Warning: This is a very upper-middle class mumsnet problem and may offend some people.

I'm in my early thirties with 2 DC aged 1 and 3. Me and DH have approximately £5 mil worth of investments, assets together (excluding houses, cars etc) but are very ambitious with DH trying to get funding for a business which may make us truly wealthy. I'm from a severely disadvantaged background, DH is from a true middle class background.

Now for my very first world worry... out of all the adult children from wealthy families I know, I'd say 25% are utterly useless, 70% can just about maintain it but their DC will be poorer and only 5% have the ability to pass more on to their DC.

I really feel like it is just because of natural talent which is very rare and all the private schools, oxbridges, connections etc in the world can't replace it. It also worries me that based on pure probability, our DC will not have the same natural talent and will slowly fritter away our money. AIBU to be worried about this?

Live your life and love the life you live. You just sound like you're comparing yourselves to others. Raise your children as you see fit and manage your wealth as you see fit. Who cares what your DC will do when you're gone? It's your money to have control over until such a time as you no longer have capacity to manage your estate / you pass away.

Don't leave it to them. Leave it to RNLI or a donkey sanctuary

Could you make sure you leave some to your grandchildren? Then at least their children have a great start as well, no matter what your kids do

Why don’t you just enjoy your DC whilst they are young and worry about this when you know what sort of people they are???

I’d be so sad if my parents had worried this much about money and wasted my childhood worrying I might be one of ‘those people from middle class backgrounds’. Honestly you sound like you value your money more than your children.

It's fine. You don't need worry about your children. The rule is that the grandchildren fritter it away. The second generation maintain it.

Also could you start things like a pension for your kids now. Rather than something they will access earlier. Or as well as something they can access earlier.
And do all you can to teach them about hard work and the value of money. Mainly that would be done by modelling, making sure you never waste money, and that they understanding that money isn't 'easy come, easy go'
However I would say it's hard to really appreciate money until you experience having none and no backup plan. So that will never really experience that so likely won't ever be that motivated by money

You will be all dead and stuff and you clearly don’t believe in an afterlife, so this is the stenchy flower of batshit craziness.

@Createausername1970 makes a valid point- if you think riches and inherited wealth will ruin your DC then give the majority of the money to charity - your DC can make their own way and lots of charities would be very grateful

1. They are 1 and 3. You have no idea what life has in store for them. This could be the least of your worries.
2. How worthwhile a life is is not down to how much money is made. The 70% who don't piss away the family fortune but don't increase it either could be engaged in massively worthwhile occupations, which they are enabled to do because they have a financial cushion
3. Business is unpredictable. You don't even have funding for the business, and even if you get it, over 50% fail in the first year, and fewer than 1 in 10 will make their founders 'truly wealthy'. Don't count your chickens before they're even eggs.

worry about the here and now, not the if's and but's of the future!

DC are so young I have no idea what they will be like. The reason I brought up other people is because even for those with the most amazing parents and privileged upbringings it isn't enough to even maintain it.

As you will both be dead, it doesn't matter.

Consider the shekels parable. One will always make a penny work for them, one will always fritter it.
At the end of the day, unless you believe you're going to be observing them from some other plane and/or will be in a position to reprimand them at the end of their lives, why should you be bothered?
You can accept they may not use it in the way you want, or you can leave them nothing and let them find their owm way.

Set up a trust fund.

Why don't you fund the business yourself? (We started a business using savings and sold it for several million 6 years later - no shareholders or loans to pay back.) Teach your children the value of money and don't spoil them..... You can't control what they do once you're dead so why waste energy worrying?

Leave it to charity, put it in a trust for them, put it in a trust to pay for future generations education. There's lots of options when it comes to estate planning beyond leaving a wedge of cash to your kids

Ring fence some for prospective grandchildren.
So eg 1.5mil each, then 2 mil split between grandchildren at age 25.
Obviously factor in inheritance tax when deciding amounts.

Well first of all, your DH's business might make you truly wealthy or it could fail or basically break even, so I wouldn't get too far out ahead of things right now.

Why not just live a normal, comfortable life, prepare for the unexpected with good solid wills and estate planning, and use the money where you can to allow your DCs to have opportunities like clubs and riding and travel. Buy a second home at the beach or in the mountains, spend time with them there. When they get older, use it to widen the choices open to them. If they want to go to American universities they'll be able to do it without accruing debt. Of our three, one is doing medicine, one is doing a phd in psychology and one is doing an MA in social work.

Model citizenship and philanthropy, pay your taxes and contribute to society. Underscore that they can go into professions that are rewarding as they don't need to worry too much. Put money aside to buy them houses in the future.

You'll all be fine.

We'll be doing all this but as I'm sure you appreciate this is really basic stuff and not sufficient on its own.

Agreed on the latter part as well.

Just invest time and energy into helping your DC navigate the world and grow up with an understanding of money and a good moral compass. Don't shower them in gifts and money. Set up some trusts and pensions for them. Then let fate take care of the rest. You can't control everything.

You can’t worry about things you can’t control. Bring your children up to work hard and value what’s important (hint: not wealth) and then you just have to let it go when it’s not yours any more.

It's called regression to the mean.

You and your husband are highly motivated and highly effective at making money. More than most people. This means that, all else being equal, the chance of your children being less so than you is greater than the chance of them being equally or more so.

Do you think this will make them unhappy?

This all sounds really great. We aren't stooges when it comes to spending money on ourselves and I can see the benefits it will have for DC when they're younger.

I think I'm overthinking this and getting stressy now lol.

I dont know about you but life is short and money is for fun thngs to make life better.

Wouldn't give it a thought. It's up to them to do what they want with it when it's theirs. Why are you thinking about this when they are so young. Just be glad that you have them and they are happy and healthy.