To worry my DC will waste everything they inherit?

[ForGreenPombear]

Warning: This is a very upper-middle class mumsnet problem and may offend some people.

I'm in my early thirties with 2 DC aged 1 and 3. Me and DH have approximately £5 mil worth of investments, assets together (excluding houses, cars etc) but are very ambitious with DH trying to get funding for a business which may make us truly wealthy. I'm from a severely disadvantaged background, DH is from a true middle class background.

Now for my very first world worry... out of all the adult children from wealthy families I know, I'd say 25% are utterly useless, 70% can just about maintain it but their DC will be poorer and only 5% have the ability to pass more on to their DC.

I really feel like it is just because of natural talent which is very rare and all the private schools, oxbridges, connections etc in the world can't replace it. It also worries me that based on pure probability, our DC will not have the same natural talent and will slowly fritter away our money. AIBU to be worried about this?

I completely see your concerns, and really admire you and your DH in your achievements. Thing is, though - if you leave the money to your DC, and they do fritter the money away, at that point it won’t be your money anymore- it’ll be theirs. So, theirs to do what they like with. You feel the potential loss of so much hard work and talent now, obviously, but once you’re dead, this won’t matter to you anymore, for obvious reasons. And again, it’ll be their cash to squander.

In 60 years time, you will be lucky if there is any clean water or air left. Or anything at all. Retirement fund for her kids really is the least of OP’s problems.

I think that it’s really important for children to grow up grateful but not trying to be harsh, but I don’t think I could forgive my parents for being me poor when they had money lol

I think worrying about this suggests you have a need for a level of control that really isn’t healthy. Your children are little people in their own right, and the world is an incredible place- there is not one way to ‘make it’, and whilst a certain amount of money is obviously important, it really isn’t everything. You do what you want, with your life, bring your kids up to value the truly important things, and then let go!

I find it very funny that your children are only 1 and 3 and you’re already writing them off as talentless fritterers 🤣

You’re responsible for raising your kids, OP. Like any parent, you can instill in them values that will help them make the most of your wealth. Talent is such a small and irrelevant part of success that it really ought to be the least of your worries.

@MrsTigerface not sure if true for OP but social advancement hardwired for many - what happens to next generation matters. That they’re further along, that’s a goal. ‘Further along’ means different things to different people.

I very much agree. There are better ways to do it, this is just sad.

Trust me they never missed out. It was everyday grateful I wanted them to be.
They had every chance at activities & holidays. Above normal. just I restricted other things. Including myself and my own treats.

I’ll never ever ever regret all the travels around the world we did with our children/young adults. Never. It never meant them not enjoying the simpler things in life just as much. They are adults now and still have the same values.

How? please give me your take on life on how to achieve this.

We traveled. but i just did not ‘splash the cash’.
They always had a budget to spend on their own things
I still fly business and use lounges with the children.

You don’t have a problem to worry about today - what you have e is nice and will definitely give DC quite a leg up but it’s far from generational wealth you should worry about them passing further. If you DH’s business idea makes you truly wealthy, you’ll get top notch financial and estate planning advice to ensure multigenerational wealth preservation.

I agree with teaching your children the value of money but this is doesn't make sense. It sounds means.

Ok fair enough. We do too.

Our children picked blueberries and and sold to neighbours etc, for spending money.

It sounds like you do treat yourself, your original post was a bit bleak.

That is bleak, and while very possible, I have to hope that people worrying about their children and grandchildren's futures is the motivation that will push society to make the changes and technology advances to make it not so.

I agree, but when the environment is fucked it simply is. Fires, floodings, storms. I still have hope too though.

Thank you. Yes we treat ourselves. Our lives are really not bleak. Nor are my children’s; but I want them to be grounded.
We make our kids clean up the leaves in the garden every week in the winter. We are there too. We wash up as a family.
We get the ladders out and clean gutters - my kids can do this too.
we wash our own cars, we don’t just pay people. wrong or right, just what we do.

I think my kids are really grounded because of what they have done.

Last year my youngest and I went blackberry picking and made jam. The most simple of days and tasks. The sun on our backs, doing work together a forever memory.

I have been on mega holidays, but also go camping and walking and love both equally.

My kids will inherit money, and I think they will respect it and understand what we did to achieve it.

They 1 and 3. You have years to teach them the value of money and to have an attitude of working hard. You’re in a position to secure money for their future so do that and set up a trust if needed but don’t write your children off at such young ages.

I think you should tell your children that there will be nothing left to inherit by the time you are gone so they don't grow up relying on you and then any money they do get will be seen as bonus money.

Are you interested in the children or the money