Supervised contact for my son and his dad. Can't do it anymore

[Leabee1234]

Hi has anyone got an alternative for supervised contact or would it be a contact centre. And who would be obliged to pay? My sons dad is on bail from prison currently and is only allowed to see our son supervised until his bail finishes in March.
I've been supervising since October and I frankly can't take anymore of it.
I have been so fair and gone out of my way constantly for my sons sake.
However he's here and all he does constantly is make me feel uncomfortable, questions me about everything in my life and always tries it on persistently even after I say no repeatedly which is a contious argument.

I don't want to be around this man he has put me through hell in the past but i have supervised contact for my sons sake.

He hasn't give me maintenance since then either as he isn't working.

My family all have their own lives and I cannot ask them to supervise every week. He lives almost an hour away from me also

He says I'm.being a bad mother for stopping contact but all I've said is I won't do supervised anymore. It's unfair. I've tried my best. He also asks if I can drive to take him 1 hour away to a friend's house however my car isn't great and I just still feel like it's a struggle! He does live an hour away.
I just can't take it anymore. Mainly for my mental health.

Imo your dc needs a dm with great mh more than a relationship with a criminal df....

What was he in prison for?
He can propose someone from his side to supervise but you'd have to trust them. Otherwise he can go through a private contact centre which he would have to pay for.

I am sorry that this is happening. Some years ago I worked with a charity that provided this kind of supervised contact. It was not free but it was relatively cheap. It might be worth a google in your local area? Either way, you certainly do not and should not put up with being harassed and being made to feel uncomfortable and he needs to prioritise travel to see his DC- not you.

He was on remand for criminal damage etc and apparent harassment of his ex however he says he is not guilty. Either way my social worker has said supervised contact until his bail finishes in March but I can't do it anymore I am tired of it

Ex saw DD in a contact centre when ex made things difficult and uncomfortable for me when I first left.
He can either pay for the contact centre or find an alternative centre - DD saw her dad at a Church Community hall which was a free service run by volunteers.

If you care for, pay and organise everything for the child the rest of the week then he can facilitate and pay for this for these few hours for his child. You are doing everything else whilst he does nothing, why should you pay and sort this too.
Edited for spelling

You don't have to!

Tell your social worker you’re not going to supervise contact anymore as it’s being used as an opportunity for him to abuse you and there is no one in your family who would be able to do so either. If they want to organise this for him he can either go to one of their in house contact centres or he can find this privately himself in the community. You’re doing the right thing.

I can’t think of a single reason why you should do this. If he wants to see his child, he should organise it.

Contact centre, ask sw to arrange

Yes to contact centre, up to him to pay. If he doesn't then that is his fault and his loss. He is using this to still dominate you. The social worker getting you to do it (and guilting you into it?) is unfair. It makes their job easier. In addition put in a CMS claim. He might not have anything now but when/if he gets a job it will already be in place. Also be aware that with the shocking state of the courts these days his bail may not end in March.

Yes I would call your social worker and tell her what's happening. Say you're uncomfortable with him in your house, he is acting inappropriately and in a somewhat threatening manner - constantly asking you inappropriate questions, hounding you for things etc - and ask her what options there are.

Thanks everyone yes we have an almost 18 month old son and from the start it's just been so stressful. I've done it on my own mainly since then he used to have him every other weekend until this but I do everything and pay for everything atm I work and sort him out and he expects me to sort his contact out too. He says if I don't let him see his son I'm a bad mother and I should think of my son not myself even though I always do! I will speak to social worker thanks

No, it's up to the father to arrange

It doesn't make the social worker's job easier as it's not her job to arrange or supervise contact

If you’ve got a social worker involved it should be something they can sort for you. If you’re not comfortable supervising the contact anymore, tell them. They’ll have a social work assistant or family contact worker that can do it instead. There wouldn’t be a cost for you. You shouldn’t be made to supervise when it’s your SWs decision

Of course it is if the OP has a social worker involved with the family

Umm, if she's a family SW that's exactly her job! Her job is to protect the best interest and well-being of the child.

Push back on the social worker explain exactly why you can't do it anymore

Stop supervising.
He can pay for a contact centre or agree someone in his family friends network that you trust.

Social work can supervise at a contact centre

You need these guys, the National Association of Child Contact Centres https://naccc.org.uk/

Of course he says nonsense like "you're a bad mother". He's deflecting the blame from himself and his atrocious parenting.
Have confidence in taking steps to protect yourself and your son.
Have you done the freedom programme op to build your confidence back up?

He’s a criminal and you’re the bad mother? Why do you even care? He’s a neanderthal and hard of thinking. Do nothing. If he wants contact, he can sort it out. He won’t. Get away from him while you can. Log his harassment of you with the police and your social worker. Don’t let your child near him unless you want him to turn out just like his dad.

This.