Supervised contact for my son and his dad. Can't do it anymore

[Leabee1234]

Hi has anyone got an alternative for supervised contact or would it be a contact centre. And who would be obliged to pay? My sons dad is on bail from prison currently and is only allowed to see our son supervised until his bail finishes in March.
I've been supervising since October and I frankly can't take anymore of it.
I have been so fair and gone out of my way constantly for my sons sake.
However he's here and all he does constantly is make me feel uncomfortable, questions me about everything in my life and always tries it on persistently even after I say no repeatedly which is a contious argument.

I don't want to be around this man he has put me through hell in the past but i have supervised contact for my sons sake.

He hasn't give me maintenance since then either as he isn't working.

My family all have their own lives and I cannot ask them to supervise every week. He lives almost an hour away from me also

He says I'm.being a bad mother for stopping contact but all I've said is I won't do supervised anymore. It's unfair. I've tried my best. He also asks if I can drive to take him 1 hour away to a friend's house however my car isn't great and I just still feel like it's a struggle! He does live an hour away.
I just can't take it anymore. Mainly for my mental health.

Social services don't provide supervised contact in situations like this. It's up to the family network or the risky parent to pay for it

So he committed criminal offences, went to prison so wasn't there for his son and you're the bad mother? Right. It's up to him to find a contact center to supervise. Don't facilitate this. To be honest it sounds like your DC would be better not having this shitty person in his life. Maybe he just wants to see his DC in order to see you. If he doesn't work out supervised visits with a center that would prove that he's not that keen on seeing his DC. Personally I would climb the Everest to see mine and I'm not a sporty person.

Social workers don't supervise contact under these circumstances or facilitate supervised contact. Supervised contact provided through social services is only available for parents where the children have been removed from their care. Otherwise it's up to the family network or the risky parent to pay for it.

Social workers don't supervise contact under these circumstances or facilitate supervised contact. Supervised contact provided through social services is only available for parents where the children have been removed from their care. Otherwise it's up to the family network or the risky parent to pay for it.

Not under these circumstances. It's for the family network or the risky parent to pay privately.

OP, I was put in this position by the courts - it was an easy option for them. After struggling just as you are, I said I couldn't do it any longer. You don't need to justify anything. As others have said, it's up to him to sort out an alternative, but you and SW need to be confident that it's appropriate supervision. Good luck.

hmmm you dont have to do it as he is harrassing you and if he is manhandling you in any way that is also assault potentially. You need to let the social worker know what is going on, at the moment come March he can have unsupervised access. If he can only have supervised contact and he needs to use a contact centre or other arrangement that costs money that is down to him NOT YOU. again involve your SW in this and be REALLY clear why. They can't ask you to put yourself at risk for him to see his child and harass you.

Hang on. The social worker has recommended supervised contact seemingly while he's on bail. But it's completely up to OP whether she agrees to supervised, unsupervised or no contact. She doesn't have to allow unsupervised once the bail conditions are lifted. She doesn't have to agree to anything without a court order.

The social worker would not be supervising it directly, but they would still need to be notified and approve where the supervised contact is taking place, and who is supervising if not OP.

That's the whole point. It'll be agreed that contact must be supervised by either the court, or a SS care plan. It's not like OP could just say 'oh, he's now meeting him at the park with his mate Dave'. Obviously not suggesting OP would.

Thanks all. Yes my social worker said it must be supervised until his bail is over but she never mentioned that she could facilitate. I basically thought I had to.supervise until I looked into it more. I feel like its going out of my way driving over to him almost an hour away to drop him to his family where he would be for a few hours and drive back. As everyone has said its not on me to sort. I've blocked him for now and going to speak to my social worker. I have suggested a contact centre he is to sort but he is complaining about money- but that isn't my.prpnlem either

Unless it is children in care, social services won't supervise the contact hence they're expecting resident parent to.

OP at what level is your involvement with SS...child in need or child protection?

Nb..sorry hadn't read Ink's replies above before I posted.
Get him to either pay supervised contact or he can take it to court...where likely he'll have to pay for supervised contact!!!

Your dc has 1 terrible disaster of a parent...
Clue... It isn't you. He can earn money inside. He can pay for a contact centre.. Likely he won't have to...

Yes child protection for now apparently.thank you

Look into voluntary run contact centres they’re normally very cheap, the dad can only pay here is the link
https://naccc.org.uk/
as others have said social workers wouldn’t have the capacity to supervise in these circumstances. Ask social worker if you can stop contact, he would then need to apply to court, bail conditions will be finished by the time he gets a hearing

Thank you I will take a look

This is what I've done. My ex has court ordered supervised contact due to DV and chronic alcohol issues. He refused to pay for a contact centre saying he wasn't working, so I said there's a free one run by volunteers.
I've been taking her there for over a year now and the volunteers are absolutely great.

The child isnt in care so its not a 'care plan' It might be a CHIN or CP plan but that is still for the family to arrange just like if a SW said the child needs to be going to school, SWs dont take children to and from school or make school applications.

Some parents dont follow through with recommendations in safeguarding plans and the LA has to take their own course of action of course.

A court order would stipulate supervision of fathers contact but not who has to provide it. Its for the family to come up with solutions here. OP is right to say I dont want to do it, arrnage via a contact centre, and father will need to pay. Simple as that.

I've made the decision to stop contact completely until March when bail is finished and I know what is happening
I've found out his ex has accused him of child abuse and neglect however he has swore it isn't true. He's on bail.for alot of things and abuse of her but he said she is not telling the truth. I'm done with it and him. My son deserves better

Well done OP.

Keep him blocked and let him make the effort through official charnels from now on. No more discussion or believing his lies.

There is a very real safeguarding issue here for both of you and your son needs you physically and mentally well as a pp said.

Please don't think you're a bad Mum for protecting your son from his criminal father, that's proof right there that he's emotionally abusive too, look up DARVO...

Wishing you all the best

Thanks so much.