If you could afford to how many years of education would you fund for your children

[Bellsjames]

I have 3 children all are young adults. We are in position where we have the ability to fund our children’s education, I know many are not able to so I appreciate this question is niche.

Of our children, 1 has done a 4 year course here in the UK, we have funded everything for this so no student debt at all including the fees for the course itself. She is soon starting a 3 year course (postgrad level).
1 has done a 3 year course, same all fees and costs covered.
1 is in their last year of uni and planning to do a masters so another year.

So far we have/have agreed to pay all fees associated with studying, including fees, rent, bills and an allowance for personal spending. All of them have picked up work on the long summers, sometimes adhoc things like tutoring or giving music lessons, others more consistent like hospitality.

It came up in conversation with a relative today and she was shocked that we agreed to fund anything past undergrad even if we could afford to. She was also shocked that we don’t plan to even it out between the kids who will do 3/4 years vs the one who will do 7 in terms of spending as I view it we will fund all education be it 3 years or 7 but it’s up to them how long they stay in education.

If you could how much would you fund? Do you think we are being unreasonable in our approach?

It increasingly seems like salary and costs to qualify to get that salary are getting massively out of whack for a number of professions, whereas the really well paid jobs often only need a bachelors or your employer will pay to train you.

It's tricky- the balance between being supportive but also recognising that industries where you pay to train yourself are maybe not the ones to go for- when I was an undergrad I was moaning to a family friend about how some of my friends could afford to do unpaid internships in super cool and interesting industries whereas I couldn't and he said "never work in an industry with unpaid internships as standard - basic supply and demand" and he was right.

I agree that a balance is best here.

I do think you value things you have worked for more.

I have a friend whose parents funded unlimited education for him. He did 1 masters degree, 1 second undergraduate degree, started but did not finish 2 other masters degrees and left two PhDs unfinished. He now works in the same area he did after his first undergraduate degree

There is no way he would have been as casual about his own money

As an academic (sciences) I am horrified by the idea of parents funding PhDs (or indeed students self funding) and wish our university would not allow this.

The number of PhD students should be limited to those who win scholarships. That is already too many.

There are too many junior academics chasing too few jobs, and supervisors are spread too thin with too many students.

Doesn’t sound like money is any object so my view is offered on that basis. If you’re funding the physio training (which sounds materially different to a Masters or standard PhD), I’d probably even things up by supporting the others to get established in their careers. For example, expenses while undertaking an internship, or some money towards a room in London or wherever moving to would offer good opportunities. Not indefinitely, but if you’re doing it for one you should do it for all.

Honestly OP, you sound loaded. If you can afford to buy them all houses, why are you worried about whether to help them get going in their careers?

I’m not sure who you are referring to in this but for DD she has a degree in sports science to translate this to being a practicing physio in the country she is in it is pretty standard to do a Doctor of Physiotherapy. This isn’t a research doctorate and includes clinical experience.

For DS he is doing PPE, he has now decided he wants a more finance heavy job and doesn’t have the heavy quantitative units necessary from PPE.

I guess I don’t view a PhD as being education as such in most cases a view it as a career choice. None of my children are doing a PhD, if they were I’d probably have to think more carefully about appropriate funding.

He's doing PPE undergrad at Oxford? Has he tried applying for finance/ IB grad jobs just off the back of that? Banks are generally pretty degree agnostic from top tier unis other than for some v specific roles which are kind of hybrid Finance/ tech.

I have no idea where you got Oxford from … but no not Oxford!

My whole career was in education so maybe I am biased but I think what you're doing is wonderful and I applaud any parents doing this if they have the means. Education isn't just about securing a job so if your DC are fortunate enough to have an extended period of study, research or training then that's a positive aspect to their lives, whatever they do in future.

sorry my mistake- it used to be that PPE (that 3 subject combo) was quite Oxford specific but I see that it's now much more broadly offered.

You have the money and are happy to spend it on education. I would absolutely fund every penny of my child's education if I could afford it. I don't understand why someone wouldn't as long as they are attending, getting good grades and not taking the piss.

I don't think you need to balance the spending and give everyone an equal amount. Each child is different and has different needs/wants.

I can comfortably fund HE study for my dcs and would be happy to fund undergrad and any postgrad studies. I recognise it's a bit of a luxury (I've studied 2 undergrads and a postgrad with no parental financial support) but I see it as a worthwhile thing and we have the surplus funds for it. I'd want them to apply for any available funding but it's competitive so I'd still be prepared to fund it if they couldn't get funding.

If I could afford it, I would do the same as you OP.

It would depend for me on what the courses were, what the child is interested in doing or aiming for. I wouldn't have a blanket rule. DS1 is currently in his first year as an undergraduate, and we are paying his fees, he's taken out some of the loan for living costs (£2,000) and we sat down with him and worked out what he'd need for rent in his college (bills included), food, toiletries, all the rest of it, and are paying him a monthly allowance during the academic year. If he wants to do post-grad, I'd certainly be open to the idea, but it would depend on what, I'm not writing any blank cheques for pointlessness.

My parents were very generous with my siblings and me - I was in the last year of no-fees-for-uni, but they paid my living costs at uni, and I did two post-graduate qualifications (LLM and vocational qualification to practise law) and they paid the fees for both. They paid undergrad fees and living costs for my younger three siblings (as fees had come in by then, although a lot lower than now) and two of them did post-grad courses too. The costs weren't probably the same for all of us, as we did different things in different cities, but I've never thought about the difference, and I don't think my siblings have either.

It hasn't been for a long time, I think - I know someone in his 70s who did PPE at Bristol!

If money is no object then what they require.

I don’t get the fairness aspect. The other children could have done a 7 year course if they wanted. But they didn’t.

I would be quite disappointed in my children if they took umbrage with this. Surely they would want their siblings to be enabled to have opportunities even if they don’t.

Ignore the relative imo.

We’re a divided household in this one - DP wants us to fund the kids through Uni, which we could do but at the cost of other savings, pensions etc- and I’m of the opinion that we pay fees and they sort the rest with loans/jobs.

We haven’t even thought about postgrad but as they’ll be adults by then I would hope they’d be paying those costs themselves and have a pathway to work rather than just undergrad for the hell of it.

I think the fairness angle is along the lines of:

One sibling is getting money to get them set up in a career via a postgraduate degree being paid for

But the other sibling might need something non education related for their career - maybe they need a capital sum to set up their own business for example

If the parents take the line that only education is worthy, sibling 2 has lost out

They didn't get special allowances, whatever those are, but they got recruited onto the fast stream and found that lots of the other recruits on their training days had similar academic backgrounds. So I meant more that it probably helped them develop the sort of profile that gets you in - which they might not have done straight out of their first degree.

I funded my own PhD and my career is entirely related to it.

Well for me that would depend on what the business is. I am a business owner myself and of the view that if you can’t start and grow a business with minimal investment/ overheads it’s unlikely to work and/ or too risky.

But that’s just my view.

So it’s not necessarily comparable to me. Because it’s a whole different kettle of fish.

ie. If you also add the business investment kickstarting then what if sibling who has had 7 years of education also wants to start a business.

A more comparable is my parents helped my sibling and I on the property ladder. I didn’t need much. 10k to top me up to match my partners contribution and buy property in the midlands. My sister has a very high earning partner and they are based in London. They gifted her 60k to top up to match partner contribution. Do I begrudge that no. At the end of the day we both have houses where we want them to be and both have what we needed at the time.

So I agree with you that it would depend on the business ..

But for me it would also depend on the degree

What I am not sure is fair is saying that you would fund any postgraduate degree but with a business kickstarter, it would depend..

I plan to support mine as far as they want to go. I have one dc who will probably thrive from the challenge of struggling a bit. And another who is likely to need a higher level of support. It is what it is. My job as parent is to do my best for them, as they are, not necessarily the same.

My dps have put their hand in their pockets for me and my siblings in different ways and we don’t compare. They were there when we needed them.

I have kept a spreadsheet to make sure all of them have the same spent on them. One did a second degree, another used money for a deposit on a house. Their choices but treated equally.

It isn't just about education or setting them up materially for me. Ultimately I just want my kids to thrive and be happy.

If the child that has suffered from severe depression chooses to do something that isn't academic that makes them feel happy, secure and grow as a person that money will have been just as well spent as funding my other child's studying. They're just as academic but not as mentally sturdy.