Has anyone quit the rat race?

[Superwomann]

Would love to hear from anyone who has actually just moved off the grid/ stopped being part of the sick rat race!! How did you do it? Did you live your new life or wasn’t it what you thought?
Our situation; 2 full time working parents, 2 kids, primary and nursery and I hate this life: The stress every morning to get everything ready, the cooking, the cleaning, the tidying etc etc. Weekends full on with kids activities or seeing friends. Trying to get exercise in ( usually in the gym for 6am). We have no time as husband and wife. We have a cleaner but I still have to tidy, wash clothes, fold them, you know the drill.
The pressure of money, I want nice holidays and good quality food, furniture and clothes, so how can I work less and still enjoy some good things?!
Has anyone actually quit and just said it’s enough?! I can’t help but think if I moved back to my home country and stayed in a small village, life would just be simpler. We wouldn’t earn much money but I think people wouldn’t be as obsessed with materialistic things there and perhaps I wouldn’t care about it either.
On the other hand, does anyone actually enjoy this life as I described or at least it doesn’t bother you much?

I’m a big follower of FIRE blogs and am close to stepping out of the race.

Life isn’t enjoyable or sustainable as you describe it. There is no joy in your post - so regardless of whether other people enjoy it - you need to figure out what brings you joy.

A simpler life means prioritising some things and leaving others to the side. What’s that for you?

A priority of mine was having housing security- I did that early and put huge efforts into it. It has freed up many other things for me.

Young kids and work can be a really tough time - so that will be hard anywhere.

But getting out of a city we were in for work to move where we had connections, lower cost of living and better quality of life was great and I don’t regret it.

Following as I’m in the same boat

I love tv programmes about this

I did, in 2007. Haven't looked back! No children though and that was pre-Brexit when you could move freely around Europe. Ah, the good old days...

Small children are bloody hard work whether you mostly look after them yourself or go to work and pay nursery fees.

It does get significantly easier as they get older.

You say you want nice things, most people I know who have 'opted out' - and I know a few, I'm in a rural location which is a magnet for these types, they also opt for a more simple lifestyle which demands less of them. Unless you're wealthy you kinda have to pick I suppose?

Wow well done! Did you change the way you lived and worked too?

Thank you! I think it would definitely help being near family as we have no support around us.
I do really need to think what u really want, I’m not sure I would be happy just pottering around a farm in a small village but maybe I would.
I need to become rich so I can just throw money at the shit I don’t like doing 😂

Hello!! I’m kind of in this place temporarily and considering how to make it work long term.
I’m 6 months into taking a year off with my 3 year old (and I’m a single parent so I’m using my savings).
It’s been great for them - and my health and wellbeing, and everything feels less rushed. They still access 15 hours preschool/nursery.
I have slimlined on my clothing, and def no foreign or expensive holidays for us. But we have a lot more time and ENERGY for lovely day trips or nights away. We’ll go camping when the weather gets warm.

I’ve been surprised that in a really unquantifiable way, I kind of feel like my status has fallen and people (even family!) treat slightly differently. I’m just a mum at the moment.

However my mind is more alive as I have time to think straight and stay on top of things without rushing all the time.

I’m not sure yet about the long term - so following this with interest!!!

I’d like to work part time / maybe start a small business (though that comes with stress!). I can always return to a more traditional career otherwise and I’m sure I’ll get back into the buzz, but I really want to experience my life and not have it rush past me.

Work out why you want “nice things” and if it’s really worth busting a gut for?

work out your income if you both went part time, your PA would still be the same but you’d obviously pay less tax

is the nice car sat on the drive for 95% of the time worth more than spending time together

Depending on where you live now there are cheaper and vibrant towns and small cities that are less expensive than anywhere around London or bigger cities. Before my child was born I moved to the outskirts of a vibrant town, which freed up cash.

If it were that easy to opt out of the rat race and still have money for holidays and "nice things" while raising small children, everyone would be doing it.

DH and I have opted out to an extent but (and this is a big but) we don't have children who depend on us to be educated and socialised, so we can essentially do whatever we like as long as our bills are paid each month.

However, that comes at a cost. We can't really afford holidays, our cars are 2nd/3rd hand, as is a lot of our stuff at home. We have a house that needs work doing to it and generally live a pretty frugal life, all things considered.

I think there are very, very people who can afford to opt out and carry on living a lifestyle with nice things, holidays etc. all while raising small children.

@ssd can you share the tv programmes?

Oh and to add, you also need to think long term - pensions and how you'll support yourself in your later years when you may not be physically able to work full-time anymore.

Opting out when you're young sounds great in theory but it can have pretty major long term consequences.

Not very helpful I know, but we never opted in in the first place.

We work and have a house, but I'm self employed so can take time out as and when I want. We made sure our house was affordable on a single average salary. We didn't have kids...

It sounds like you could make big changes without being too drastic. You need to prioritise what's important. Are nice clothes and furniture really important to you or are you just keeping up with everyone else around you? Do your kids really need to run around doing all sorts of clubs or would you actually enjoy doing family activities at the weekend. If you stop spending on the unimportant things you may be able to afford to outsource more housework and spend more on family holidays. If you quit everything I'm afraid the washing and cleaning will still need to be done.

My brother and SIL. The difference is they decided not to be bothered about the nice clothes, holidays, furniture etc

never seen either of them in anything other than jeans and a sweater. They stayed in a small terrace house, they don’t buy stuff, their sofa is over 20 years old and is my mums old sofa.

they both walked away from well paid jobs to pretty much min wage jobs and seem very happy. They have enough money for bills, food, etc.

That sounds amazing! “ just a mum” just pisses me off, it’s the hardest and most important job and you get zero back for it.
My work is my time off now and that is crazy. I work shift pattern so when I’m off work I’m a fulltime
mum and housewife, that’s harder than being at work.
I know what you mean with being able to think as now I’m just rushing and stress levels are through the roof.
We love camping and I think we could definitely be happy with less “ nice things and less foreign holidays”.
I’m being dragged into the materialistic trap as we live in an affluent area ( we’re probably among the least well off around here) and most people just have the newest cars, expensive clothes, large houses, cool holidays several times a year, and it makes me want it! Stupid I know.

I love this!

It doesn't suit everyone. I feel bored to tears just thinking of a simple life. I need excitement, new things, new experiences.

It doesn't mean I need a lot of money, but living off grid in nature is hell for me. I hated caring for small kids, but love living with teenagers now.

We have to figure out what brings us joy specifically.

Thank you! Definitely being influenced by what “ everyone else has and are doing”.
So stupid!

I think I have does this a bit in that I haven’t gone for a big house/car. I have purposely chosen to have a tiny but perfectly adequate home in order to pay off my mortgage at 39. Which then has meant I can work part time as I only have my bills to pay (which I also keep very small). I buy everything off Vinted but the one thing I always buy good of is food, I’m not frugal with this.

We have an abroad holiday every few year not every year (but still do multiple camping hols on the other years with big group of friends).

My DD will say such-a-body has a big house and big car, & latest phone, why don’t we have this? and I just say “we can have that but mummy will have to work until 9pm every night like such-a-bodies mum & she soon changes her mind!

I think there is a halfway house between opting out and running yourself into the ground. I'm still upset about a house I didn't offer on last year as realised had bought into the ridiculous need to have an appropriately 'nice' middle class Victorian house as opposed to the serviceable sixties one I saw. Have realised the sixties house would actually have been great for us, we could always move on if we wanted to later but it also would give the option of easy repayments, pay off early and therefore either more fun stuff like holidays or even retiring before 68.

It's been a wake up call for me not to get caught up in what we are 'supposed' to have as opposed to what would be good for us and give more options. Maybe you could reframe it like that - as the idyllic village life doesn't sound very based in reality, more a desire to run away.

I feel like I need new experiences and excitement too! I just don’t know if working my ass off to get some of it is worth it. Travelling used to be such a huge part of my life pre kids, I really miss that! I miss my selfish life 😅

I think first change your mind set about how you live now. My living room has 2 battered sofas, i cover them up but would rather have a holiday than replace them. I buy from vinted now. I have wealthy friends but have no need to compete or compare. They do not judge either. You can live more simply by just not feeling the need for stuff. I would say sometimes i do find this hard!!!