Meddling and overbearing MIL

[uDanceHead246]

Need advise please- its a lengthy post

Really? Most of her behaviour sounds annoying at worst.

I think you wouldn't be able to just put up with it in order to keep the peace. I understand the motivation to try and do that but your frustration would build up again and there'd be another trigger and you'll end up back where you are now. I think NC is probably best for you. Let DH deal with her and then the tricky thing will be to make sure she's not manipulating him into making decisions in your lives that suit her bizarre criteria. She sounds like a total narc and someone who, whatever you do, it will never be right or good enough. Another difficult thing will be how to protect your DC from her as they get older. I wish you a lot of luck, you don't deserve any of this.

Something inside me was fuming over how my MIL treated me during my pregnancy and postpartum. As I reflected, I started revisiting all the things I had brushed aside over the past few years. When I pieced them together, the signs were clear that she had no respect for me. Sometimes, it’s not about one big event—it’s a buildup of countless small moments. And no, there’s no need to keep a diary—some of us, especially introverts, are just naturally observant and have a strong memory.

No contact and low contact

I honestly think you are giving her too much headspace, she sounds really negative and probably a bit jealous of you.

I would just keep as much distance as possible, remain friendly and polite when around her and live your life happily and not let her judgement and weird ways affect you.

I can imagine you are constantly pecking your poor husband's head about this - and obsessing over her - just be grateful you don't live in close proximity to her.

Life's too short to let other people's opinions bring you down.

I appreciate you taking the time to read my post. As a middle child, I’ve always been a peacekeeper, often at the expense of my own happiness. I do believe that setting boundaries and learning to speak up for myself will help, and that’s something I’m actively working on in general. Thanks for your perspective!

Ohhhh. I HATED that Woolies Lego! MIL gathered heaps of it & gave it to DC even after I asked her not to, as it becomes a pain to collect it all!

Anyhow I digress. My MIL was similar, with a dose of verbal abuse. DH took many years to see it, after she went too far & I threw her out of my house.

What saved me was realising I didn't respect them (MIL, FIL & SIL) & decided I didn't care what they thought or said & their behaviour wasn't my problem. I wasn't rude, but didn't engage & only saw them when absolutely necessary, didn't attempt to fit in, didn't sit while insults flew (MIL still tried to slide them in) and it was so empowering. I just didn't tolerate it anymore.

When MIL would comment on how I should do things I'd reply politely that I'll do it my way, thanks, we won't discuss this again.

How is not snapping back at my MIL’s disrespect 'keeping up appearances'? 😂
I’m a bit shy and quiet, and I can’t imagine being so rude and audaciously disrespectful to others, like MIL, so it’s really disturbing for me. My MIL even smirked when she called DH and I 'pushovers.' I’ve realized she’s taking full advantage of me not pushing back, and I’m disappointed that I kept quiet all these years just to 'keep the peace’ (not the appearances) I’m upset because I expect people to treat me with the same respect I give them

Good luck in moving forward. Your dmil sounds like a woman to be avoided, but I’m guessing you don’t have that option,