DH ignoring me when I speak

[ThatFunRubyHelper]

I notice that DH does this every so often and it’s so annoying.

Tonight we were on the sofa. He was on his phone texting. We are planning on moving house and I asked him about a house we are going to view, and what he thinks of it. He ignored me, completely focused on his texting. I asked again and he keeps ignoring me texting on his phone.

I have left the room without saying anything and I can hear him talking and laughing with a friend.

It’s so annoying, how can I get him to stop?

I wouldn't interrupt someone at work who was busy doing something. Why would I do it to my partner?

My husband is half deaf in one ear so if I just talk, he might well not hear it. When not actively texting, I ask him to let me know when he has a moment. My husband does the same to me because my auditory processing can be slow. If someone just starts talking to me when I am thinking about something else, I miss the first half of the sentence/question and have to get them to repeat themselves.

He probably just didn't register that you'd spoken.

Unless you think he is ignoring you on purpose, just make sure you get his attention before you launch into your question etc - also gives him a chance to ask for a moment while he finishes whatever it is he's doing.

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable. Texting is essentially a conversation he is having with someone else and you wanting to start a new conversation when he is talking to someone else is a bit off.

However, how he manages it matters too. If I want to speak to my DH and he’s on his phone, he will say something like “just talking to x can we speak in a bit?” and that’s fine. If your partner simply ignores you altogether then that is rude.

If it's "urgent" and you need an immediate reply, fair enough

but expecting someone to drop a conversation, phone/ whatsapp/ text or email because you feel chatty is a bit rude.

Wouldn't you feel he's an entitled arse if he expected you to drop everything you were in the middle of doing for a non-important chat that could wait 5mn?

My dh gets so engrossed in his phone that he sometimes doesn’t hear me either( not the best at ,multitasking).

I work in early years and are aware that I should always say he child’s name first before speaking to them, so they know I’m speaking to them. I do that at home too and it seems to work! Eg Peter,(pause) then I talk.

He was on his phone texting. We are planning on moving house and I asked him about a house we are going to view, and what he thinks of it. He ignored me, completely focused on his texting

It sounds like he was focused on texting, and your timing might not have been ideal. Did you try asking something like, “Can we talk about the house viewing?” or did you just start talking while he was in the middle of something?

On his part, he should have acknowledged you and said he was busy, suggesting a better time to talk.

Ultimately, this comes down to communication—both sides could approach it more thoughtfully.

I've never really understood dumb responses like this.

It is interesting you say that, because I swear dh is on the spectrum too. It is difficult to get his attention, and he misses social cues at times as well.

It has came to light more since one of our dcs is ND. To get their attention and break this concentration, it helps to say something completely random that they are interested in. Might be something to look into op? Or possibly just selective hearing?

I’m ashamed to admit it but I am guilty of it, (I’m female) I honestly don’t hear sometimes when I’m reading something on my phone or even a book. Normally a sharp ‘Nosy!’ will bring me back round but my DW obviously finds it irratating

Although in my defense now I think about it, my DW will ignore me when she’s texting

My brother is like this, and was the same when he was 5. It doesn't register with him.

I honestly wish that I could relax enough to get so lost in what I'm doing! I'm more overly aware of my surroundings. I think it can sometimes be difficult to not see it as ignorant, because when somebody wants your attention, you give them it fully, or at least answer, and say I'll be with you in acouple of minute etc. You sort of just want that same curtesy reciprocated. Some people just get so focused on what they're doing that they tune the world out somehow! Dh I have learnt is one of these too, and it isn't on purpose (or at least I hope it isn't). 😂

someone said "man". It's a trigger for some posters 😂

Why does your voice mean he needs to stop everything and listen?

Is he ignoring you as opposed to genuinely not being aware you've spoken because he's engrossed in what he's doing?

My thoughts exactly.

So you think no matter what he is doing he should drop it when the op speaks? That's ridiculous. If I am texting and DH starts a conversation I'll say give me a sec I'm just replying DH wouldn't even hear me, he's not ignoring me but when he is engrossed he tends to zone in on that one thing. I know to either wait until he's finished unless it's urgent. If it is then I will say his name to get his attention. I think demanding someone drop what they are doing because you want to have a non urgent chat is entitled.

@ThatFunRubyHelper Hopefully, based on the responses you've understood that you're in the wrong here.

I'm surprised at the responses so far, but I suppose it depends on how often it happens. I was in a relationship with a man who was always engrossed in something - the TV, his phone, other people's conversations, that I would spend most of the time talking to myself or repeating myself. I felt really lonely and like what I had to say didn't matter, so I left him. However, if it's once in a while because he's in the middle of a message or email then that's different, but I would expect some kind of acknowledgement that I'd spoken e.g. Two seconds, I'm just sending this text

It's not just a man thing, I'd not be able to listen well and text at the same time either so I'm afraid I'd ignore you too but not intentionally.

Exactly, I think it is just more the acknowledgment needed of "I'm busy right now, I'll be with you in 5, or whatever." I honestly think some people are ignorant, but there are also those that really are just extremely engrossed in what they're doing. They just tune it all out, and they're completely oblivious!

Yes it’s deffo ignorant. But I can vouch and say that it’s almost like a switch has been flipped that tunes out your surroundings and so even though you obviously hear something, it doesn’t compute in the mind that your being spoken to.

Husband doesn’t respond when I speak - he’s abusive

husband expects me to respond when he speaks and I’m doing something - he’s abusive

It’s equally rude to assume someone is doing nothing when you start talking to them. Pretty egocentric.

DM walks into the room talking and expects all previous conversations to stop and we listen to her. That’s pretty much what you did. If I’m talking to someone on my phone, that’s two people you think should stop for whatever it is you want to say.

DH is the one who thinks I can leave the thought I’m capturing and recording to answer whatever has crossed his mind. I can’t. I need to finish what I’m doing. I don’t walk into his study and talk over whatever he’s doing.

My DH can’t do two things at the same time.
Seems to be a thing with a lot of men, I find.