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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the best way out of this situation

50 replies

Minionss · 13/01/2025 12:51

So. My partner and I split a few months ago and I stayed in our rented property to not disrupt the kids too much at once. However it is getting to a point where I can no longer afford it and want to better myself. I can’t save here as it just eats every penny I have. My mum has suggested that the kids and I move in with my mum and dad for a year or so so that I can get some money behind me. I just don’t want to disrupt the kids but I cannot stay here living like this. I don’t get any benefits as I earn just over the amount to not require it. Any ideas?

OP posts:
username299 · 13/01/2025 12:57

What was the plan when you stayed? Was your partner contributing towards the rent?

You can either move to a cheaper area or move in with your parents.

Original poster
Minionss · 13/01/2025 12:59

He pays me 500 maintenance and that is it really. He is making me feel guilty for disrupting the children but he is the reason we are in this mess anyway. I can’t stay here living month to month and getting absolutely nowhere.i have an opportunity to better myself and secure my children’s future

OP posts:
Themaths · 13/01/2025 13:00

Does he live there too?

Dotto · 13/01/2025 13:01

In your situation I would move in with parents but only if we all got on, with agreed boundaries and division of housework etc, and only with a clear savings plan for putting a deposit down on a home.

Your ex can fuck off.

Fraaances · 13/01/2025 13:01

Take it and run. If you go you will have support with the kids, as well as the opportunity to further your career and save. Also, nobody MAKES you feel anything. How you choose to react is up to you. You need to change the dialogue in your mind and truly free yourself.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 13/01/2025 13:02

Are you sure you're not entitled to any top up benefits? If rent is eating all your money I'd guess you may be entitled to something.

I'd be hesitant to move in with your parents depending on the end goal - if things are that tight it may be difficult to find a rental you can afford/pass affordability checks after a year.

Arlanymor · 13/01/2025 13:03

Dotto · 13/01/2025 13:01

In your situation I would move in with parents but only if we all got on, with agreed boundaries and division of housework etc, and only with a clear savings plan for putting a deposit down on a home.

Your ex can fuck off.

Edited

This - also how old are the kids? Will they have their own rooms? Is there enough space for everyone? Is it close to where you live now? Will it impact on their ability to get to school/hobbies etc? If you go for it, it needs to work for them longer term as the disruption is the least of the issues, it's about longer term happiness and stability.

Oreosareawful · 13/01/2025 13:03

The kids will be fine, they are going to their grandparents!
You will have more support and will be able to save some money. It's win win.
Sod the Ex- as you say- he put you in this mess.

HotCrossBunplease · 13/01/2025 13:04

You don’t say why moving in with your parents is a bad idea? Would the kids have to change school or something? Would it be overcrowded? Do you not get on?

Original poster
Minionss · 13/01/2025 13:05

Arlanymor · 13/01/2025 13:03

This - also how old are the kids? Will they have their own rooms? Is there enough space for everyone? Is it close to where you live now? Will it impact on their ability to get to school/hobbies etc? If you go for it, it needs to work for them longer term as the disruption is the least of the issues, it's about longer term happiness and stability.

Show quote history

It’s down the road. They will have their own rooms. A safe place to play out infront of the house. I have a plan to save 1500 per month and then go to work full time after a year. I currently earn 2300

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 13/01/2025 13:07

Sounds like a great plan to me, I don't think the kids will be very disrupted by a move down the road. Unless they don't get on with your parents or anything like that?

Original poster
Minionss · 13/01/2025 13:07

HotCrossBunplease · 13/01/2025 13:04

You don’t say why moving in with your parents is a bad idea? Would the kids have to change school or something? Would it be overcrowded? Do you not get on?

We do get on and they would help with childcare but ex keeps saying I need to put her first as she is distressed about it (not because it’s grandparents but because she wants to stay at home) I don’t plan on staying forever anyway so at some point she will have to go through this anyway.

OP posts:
devildeepbluesea · 13/01/2025 13:07

Assuming that moving in with your parents will not necessitate your kids moving schools, and also assuming you draw up appropriate boundaries, what financial contribution your parents expect etc etc, then I see no reason why you wouldn't move in with your folks.

If your ex is that worried, then he can increase his maintenance to enable you to stay there. I'm fairly certain he won't be that worried.

Original poster
Minionss · 13/01/2025 13:08

devildeepbluesea · 13/01/2025 13:07

Assuming that moving in with your parents will not necessitate your kids moving schools, and also assuming you draw up appropriate boundaries, what financial contribution your parents expect etc etc, then I see no reason why you wouldn't move in with your folks.

If your ex is that worried, then he can increase his maintenance to enable you to stay there. I'm fairly certain he won't be that worried.

Or have the kids 50/50 instead of one night per week

OP posts:
Original poster
Minionss · 13/01/2025 13:09

The only thing holding me back is my dog as I can’t take him with me.

OP posts:
Mumofteenandtween · 13/01/2025 13:10

Minionss · 13/01/2025 13:08

Or have the kids 50/50 instead of one night per week

Show quote history

There we go - three excellent ideas.

  1. Ex ups his maintenance.
  2. Ex has kids more to enable you to work more
  3. You move in with your parents.
saltandvinegarchipsticks · 13/01/2025 13:10

Where do your parents live, are they local to you and your ex-partner?

sorry I see you’ve answered this. No reason not to do it, then.

HotCrossBunplease · 13/01/2025 13:10

Minionss · 13/01/2025 13:07

We do get on and they would help with childcare but ex keeps saying I need to put her first as she is distressed about it (not because it’s grandparents but because she wants to stay at home) I don’t plan on staying forever anyway so at some point she will have to go through this anyway.

Show quote history

So you have one child who doesn’t want to move house down the road?

She’ll get over it, stop pandering to both her and her father. Other kid is fine with it?

Your ex doesn’t get to decide.

Dotto · 13/01/2025 13:12

Minionss · 13/01/2025 13:09

The only thing holding me back is my dog as I can’t take him with me.

Oh. I can see how giving your family dog away to a shelter would be distressing for your children, yes.

Original poster
Minionss · 13/01/2025 13:17

Dotto · 13/01/2025 13:12

Oh. I can see how giving your family dog away to a shelter would be distressing for your children, yes.

Show quote history

I don’t have a choice really. This is a great opportunity for us I think.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 13/01/2025 13:17

Minionss · 13/01/2025 13:05

It’s down the road. They will have their own rooms. A safe place to play out infront of the house. I have a plan to save 1500 per month and then go to work full time after a year. I currently earn 2300

Show quote history

Sounds like a good plan then, provided you all get on and sort out the practicalities as @dotto's post. Good luck!

Arlanymor · 13/01/2025 13:18

Minionss · 13/01/2025 13:09

The only thing holding me back is my dog as I can’t take him with me.

Oh that's the fly in the ointment then - can ex take him?

Original poster
Minionss · 13/01/2025 13:20

Arlanymor · 13/01/2025 13:18

Oh that's the fly in the ointment then - can ex take him?

Show quote history

No he isn’t allowed pets where he is

OP posts:
Wakeywake · 13/01/2025 13:23

I'm not sure I'd be able to give up my dog tbh. Can you rent a cheaper place?

Greengheko · 13/01/2025 13:23

@Minionss I'm a bit confused with your posts. You have referred to your ex as both a he AND a she in different posts, apparently? Are you both still living in the same house or do you also have a girlfriend living with you currently and it is her who doesn't want you to move?