To ask the best way out of this situation

[Minionss]

So. My partner and I split a few months ago and I stayed in our rented property to not disrupt the kids too much at once. However it is getting to a point where I can no longer afford it and want to better myself. I can’t save here as it just eats every penny I have. My mum has suggested that the kids and I move in with my mum and dad for a year or so so that I can get some money behind me. I just don’t want to disrupt the kids but I cannot stay here living like this. I don’t get any benefits as I earn just over the amount to not require it. Any ideas?

Could you move into your parents and apply for local authority housing or housing association?

Can you pay someone to look after the dog or see if you have a friend or one of you childrens friends parents may take him, at least this way they could still see him.

No sorry he is a he and we no longer live together.

This is a fairly massive piece of missing information. It's not something I could do.

Or did you mean your Daughter doesn't want to move? If it's your daughter you are referring to as 'she' she'll have to do what she is told, for the best thing for you all??

Me neither. A pet is a member of your family. I'd have to look for another way.

Yeah sorry I was all for you moving in with your parents and it sounded perfect. Until I read about the dog. I couldn't do this. You are his family.

Op, I presume your parents don't want the dog at theirs? Is that an option at all?

OP, have you tried contacting the Dogs' Trust about your dog?

They have a network of foster carers who are able to help in these kinds of situations and while I appreciate it's not ideal, it means your dog would be safe and loved (and you'd obviously be able to visit etc!) while you get yourself sorted out.

Have you checked on the entitled to website to see if you are getting all the benefits you are eligible for? 25% off your council tax springs to mind.
Have you gone through your budget to see if you can get cheaper utilities phone deals etc?

I love this idea

Do it, this is for your Children and your future. They dont like change and your Ex is trying to control you and them by the sounds of it.

He has tried to control me for years! I was so lonely when I was with him as he didn’t help/was out all the time etc and then said if I never had any expectations I would never be pissed off. 2 weeks after he moved out he was with somebody else

I had a different experience of subtle control on finances. Wasn't encouraged to add to my pension or make investment decisions despite being the sole breadwinner for 20 years. Now two years down the line I am financially and mentally better off and control my own destiny (and my pension pot is growing nicely). Do what you have to do, stay strong and take the help from your parents. Your DC will get used to it and love being able to be spoilt by their GP's.

I cannot see any reason then why you wouldn't take your parents up on their very kind offer.

Just read about the dog, that sucks 😞

I think the children and finances come before pets, though, can someone look after him until next year for you?

How do your children feel about the dog? How long have you had it?

Your parents house seems like a great and quick solution to turn your life around, but as the children have had the disruption of the separation, I would worry about upsetting them on top by getting rid of the dog if they are very attached to it. Do you have a friend or other relative who could look after it for you in the interim if you paid for all its costs etc? That way your kids wouldn’t lose the dog too.

Her dog. Absolutely, no way I would leave my dog behind.

So your ex is telling you that your DD will be distressed? Your ex is in no position to be dictating to you. He sees you all slipping out of his control.
Contact the dogs trust or similar local charity, find a foster carer for your dog (or talk to your parents again) and do what you need to do to secure your family's future.
It's going to be tough, but your dog has to be a lower priority. You just need to be sure it's safe and loved. Good luck.

I do understand all your points about the dog but I am trying to be pragmatic, the kids and my future do come first and it will better their quality of life so much, especially in the long run. Why is life full of shit decision after shit decision

Yes he said I need to put her first and he is thinking of her. So am I, which is why I am doing it.

I'll confess, I'm not a dog person and clearly I'm not being at my most empathetic. It is a series of shit decisions as you said and I feel for you all.

Would your parents agree to having the dog if he was only allowed in the garden and a couple of rooms inside I.e. kitchen and utility room or conservatory or something like that?

If not, I hope you can find someone to have the dog temporarily for you.

I just don’t understand how he can make me feel guilty for trying to do what is best? Introducing another woman to them 2 weeks after the breakup would have been more traumatic surely

He’s probably scared that your plans to save and better yourself will elevate you above him and you will come out on top.

Do it! Sounds the most sensible especially if you get on well with your dp's, and they are happy to have you and your dc there.

Don't let your ex emotionally bully you into staying. Tbh it's really none of his business and in your shoes I'd not give him any further info on your financial position (or anything else really, all he needs to know is about the dc).

If he tries to make you feel bad just tell him it's to secure your dc's long term future, and don't tell him anything else.

Well. He SAYS he's thinking about her. But really it's all about stopping you from getting out from his control. He's saying it because he knows you don't want to upset your daughter. But he doesn't actually believe it, and neither should you.
Besides, even if your daughter doesn't want to move out, that's not a good reason not to do it. You know, better than your daughter does, the reasons why you need to do this. You are the parent. You can see the bigger picture.
You know, you've probably spent years having to justify every little move you made to him. You can stop doing that now. He doesn't get to tell you what to do any more. Tell him less.
Enjoy your freedom OP.