Puppy Overwhelm - AIBU in partially regretting getting one

[bubbaflash]

Hi All

So we got a puppy just over a week ago. Not our first dog, we lost our old boy at 15 in October last year, and we miss him badly.

I vaguely remember the puppy days being hard - but goodness the memory does block some if it. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. DH works from home, and I work from home the majority of the week, but I do have some client visits. For the first month DH and I are using some annual leave to work part of the week and to bed puppy in. We also have a DS who is 12.

The problem being we are used to a routine with our old dog where we could leave him a bit, pop in and out and (once through the destructive puppy stage) you could reliably leave. He was happy mogging about with us in the day, but also doing his own thing.

Now we are back at the start. Work is fine when she sleeps (which is a lot I suppose at the moment as puppies need a lot of sleep) but it is hard when she is awake.

Toilet training is going well, and she is generally quite a sweet puppy, though full on when she is playing as puppies should be.

We are crate training at night (it is slowly getting better) and we have brought a playpen to put round the crate for daytimes when we need to pop out. She hasn't been left yet as she is only 10 weeks old.

I have googled and I think i am experiencing the puppy blues. I do know it eventually gets better, but omg at the moment life feels harder.

AIBU to currently regret our decision? Any advise or support on how to cope would be appreciated. I know in time things will ease, particularly when we can get out for a walk, but i feel a bit anxious and loI

Totally normal! Come and join us on the Puppy Survival thread, you are not alone. I spent the first two weeks crying on the utility room floor and telling DP that he’d have to chose between me or the dog because I couldn’t possibly do it! She’s 18 weeks now and it’s all got so much easier, and I’m coping way better. Still not as easy as having an adult dog but the challenges seem way more surmountable and we no longer have to supervise her every single second which has helped loads. You’ll get there, I promise!

When mine was tiny, she had a tail like a whip, really hurt on bare skin. I’ve yet to forget the day she’d got poo all over it and vigorously smacked my bare leg with her shittty tail.
I still yell “get here where I can see you” and “what are you doing?”🙄

We have a 16 week puppy so a few weeks ahead of you. She is our second family dog, we lost our last one at 12, 5 years ago. I have 3 kids age 9 and up which helps massively as there's often someone around to play, cuddle, toilet her while we pop out. Like you we have also crate trained her which is a HUGE positive. She only has 15 minute walks once or twice a day as she's big boned but they really wear her out. I think it will get easier every week, they're a bit like toddlers with their annoying phases that pass!

I found the puppy age fine, is the adolescent age that drove me nuts!

Puppies are absolute arseholes, its why they have to be cute.
I had dogs between 7 and 20 at home and so thought I knew what I was doing, especially since I got the same breed but Jesus did ddog test me - I would have happily given him away many many times

For all those in despair, support can be found on the Puppy Survival Thread and Adolescent Survival Thread.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_doghouse/5180942-puppy-survival-thread-for-new-and-old-pups-here-comes-winter-2024?page=32&reply=141328465

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_doghouse/5218689-adolescent-dog-survival-thread-bark-the-herald-furry-angels-sing?page=22&reply=140869353

Honestly, it gets easier. Our pup is 9 months old now and we love her so much.
You will survive the puppy weeks, I promise.

He's gorgeous. Black labs are the most beautiful dogs. ❤️

Mine was the kitchen floor but yes, plenty of tears were shed there. Including saying a million times I was taking him back to the breeder as I couldn't cope 😂

Now he's a happy, loving and cuddly 5 year old dog who is genuinely our best friend, he's brilliant company, great with all dogs and people and and really well trained. But we did have to put the hard work in from day one!

Once you can take them out for walks it does start to get easier. I know in the beginning you can only go for short walks but we always let ours stop and sniff as much as he wanted - all the new smells and surroundings massively tire them out!

Also, take her to puppy class / training / social events. Basically anything that exhausts them and provides stimulation outside of the house.

Thank you so much everyone - its hard to see the wood for the trees when you're in the early days. I logically know it gets better because I've done it before, but right now I just feel so so anxious and I'm so worried about how I'm ever going to leave the house again!

Puppies do a number on your brain and hormones as well as your sleep (top tip... have the puppy sleep with you. The old guff about this causing behaviour problems or meaning they will always sleep with you is just that, total guff. It will mean you never come down to a mess, never listen to a puppy crying and you and the puppy get loads more sleep which makes all else much easier to handle)...

Puppies cause us to produce oxytocin, but also because its a change to our routine and its hard work, cortisol and the combination is horrible and will make you feel very crappy indeed, tearful, easily stressed, hard to sleep etc etc.

That will go away with time, and getting more/better sleep will really help.

Puppies do not cope alone at all well and again that is normal - build security (being there, avoiding distress) and confidence (all the normal training, games, socialisation/habituation) and thats your foundation for a puppy who can learn independence and be left when the time is right for them. Not coping with being alone/being left now does not indicate a behaviour problem in the future!

Puppy development and treating/avoiding separation anxiety is my day-job, I could wang on and on (and on and on), I highly recommend joining any sort of supportive thread, also there are useful FB groups (Dog Training Advice and Support which is free, and its offshoot premium sub groups, there are some specific puppy ones).

There is also the ZigZag Puppy Training app, which takes you step by step through lessons, at your puppies pace and provides access to a qualified trainer/behaviourist 24/7 (subscription, not sure if its monthly or annual) and a huge library of articles/information too.

I agree with you re rescue dogs (I am a huge advocate for 'adopt don't shop'!).

We have two dogs. One we got as a puppy (we didn't actually buy him, he was part of an accidental litter and the owner just wanted them to go to good homes) and another who is a rescue.

Both were equally hard to deal with in the early stages!!!

Yes puppies are hard work and require a lot of time, training and supervision. But rescues come with their own problems too which you also have to try sort out in those first months (with absolutely no knowledge of their background!).

Ours was (and still is) hugely reactive. On the first walk with him I thought there is no way I can do this! But with time and effort, we're getting there.

Both have their challenges but also, both are equally as rewarding when you get it right!

Puppy Blues exist for a good reason. It is like having a baby again. Hang in there. The first couple of months are hell. It is also a grim time of year and it makes house training, etc much harder (got my first dog in the summer and DDog2 at the end of Nov).

It's amazing how the brain tricks you into forgetting all the guff. I would have sworn blind that my pup was an angel and slept right through the night from day 1, but when I look back in my diary I can see that was not the case. The hard work stage will pass. Wait till the puppy is asleep and sniff his/her tummy and you will feel much better. Good luck to you.

We got a puppy after losing a 15 year old dog. Similar time of year.
Please remember that you are 15 years older! You have been used to an old probably slow dog. You were used to their habits and their ways.
Then in comes a thunderbolt of a puppy who has had to adjust from being taken from mum. Add to that it's cold and dark and you can't even go for a walk yet so that's hard too.
I went through this 3 years ago. My thunderbolt of a puppy went through all the different stages that you totally forget about when you've had an old dog.... and he's now fast asleep on the sofa.

Its like when you give birth. You forget about the pain and stress. Otherwise you'd never get another one.

@Starlight1984 Indeed – and our puppy is a rescue so we got the best (worst?!) of both worlds!

YANBU to have moments of regret. It can be so difficult when they're young! Just keep reminding yourself that it's temporary and find somewhere to commiserate with others in the same boat. As you know, they eventually grow out of the puppy stage, and then it's all worth it.

I never felt like this. I remember everything about having puppies, I remember everything about giving birth too, and my oldest DD is 54.. we've always had 2 dogs,used to be 3. I also had 4 DKs,lots of other animals. We've mostly had border collies so not the easiest of dogs. We lost our little toy he was almost 18,did try rescuing,too many issues, thought long and hard about getting a puppy,6 months overall. She's 17 months now. I wasn't going to crate, I worked nights for over 30 years,so I elected to do the night shift, outside at 12,2 and up at 5.30, 3 weeks in, got COVID for the first time ever. Was so ill, if I can survive that, I can cope with anything.

You're so similar to me @Nannyfannybanny , almost 50 years of dogs in my case, always the same breed (PMD), we've had two together, three together. We've never crated, they've all been free-range, but it hasn't really been a problem, despite having a breed with a reputation for being stubborn and difficult...Lost our previous dog unexpectedly so current pup is an only, but we hope to get her a companion (same breed) next year. She's 9 months old, calm, contented and beautiful.

Gosh I must have been lucky with my two puppies. I only had adult rescue dogs before but we got a pup when my youngest started school. We crate trained him and had a good set up as the large kitchen and family room had slate tiles floors. He didn't go upstairs. I just don't remember it being difficult.
Then we got another when he was two and again just do not remember it being hard.
I am quite good at imposing routine though. I'm now debating another dog as my old boy was pts at 15 in September. My other one is 13 and I'm wondering if she'd accept another dog! I'll probably wait.

Lol mine has just turned a year old and he's still crazy hard work. It depends on the personality of the puppy.

What sort of dog is it?

A Working Spaniel is obviously different from a Pug.

I have always found that socialising immediately is a game changer. Don't worry too much about vaccination status, just be sensible. If you accept that your carpet will get ruined, furniture chewed, car seats ripped up, it makes things a lot easier. And puppies are dickheads, remember that, they will pee on the couch just for a laugh, refuse to come when called just to see what you'll do about it. First six months is mostly about keeping them alive, next six months is about training them so they stay that way.

It will get better.

@bubbaflash , DDog 1 (now 10) nearly broke me, and I swore "never again."

Seven years later we got DDog 2 (now 3), and it was TOUGH, because DDog 1 was, by then, just part of our routine. DH seemed to completely forget what an utter shit DDog 1 was until he was at least five! It's like giving birth, you're programmed to forget the bad parts, but it is SO worth it. This is a rubbish bit of the year to be doing puppy stuff, but think how much fun spring and summer will be.

Having a pup is exhausting.

My last dog was a rescue at under a year old that was underweight, had been kept outside all the time, and other issues. I was really lucky I wasn't working then because he had to go out every two hours in the day and there was a lot of training involved. But we had a happy outcome. :)

12 months in with my golden, who is now 14 months. He is still a dickhead, but not quite as much of a dickhead as he was, lead pulling and cushion stealing aside 😝

I am told they calm down properly around 2-3…!

Anyway OP, it does get easier. I was you this time last year - I remembered the puppy days being difficult, but not THAT difficult.

Each week though things improve - toilet training, sleep, communication and training, and you realise looking back that life is a lot easier than it was the previous week! So hang in there, it’ll be a distant memory soon…