My DP doesn’t propose and doesn’t want to marry me. When I started this post, I believed it’s about it. But then I realized, I need to know, is it me who is in this crazy relationship or is it common and mine is not that insane?
We’ve been together for almost 1.5 years. I’m in my late 30th, he’s in his early 50th. Both were married before (both divorced 10+ years ago, no children). At the early stage of our relationship he told me he wants children with me and I wanted that with him as well so we tried and it straight away resulted in a chemical pregnancy (a year ago). Then another one, 8 months ago.
At some point I realized we jumped over a few steps and I don’t want to be pregnant without being married (I believed that for him both these things come as a bundle but at some point I realize they don’t, but for me they do).
Since then we had some issues in our relationship. One of them was sex once or twice a month. It was much more frequent before, and it’s not ok for me to have it so rarely. He says it’s due to his health issues but he doesn’t go and see a doctor. He says it’s phycological (whatever that means). Just to clear this out, I believe I’m quite good looking, I never put any weight on or anything like that.
There were lots of other things of course. Recently I found out that he’s a lier and he was in touch (with some very quirky and emotionally cheating messages) with his exes. According to him he has OCD and retroactive jealousy (was a torture for me in our relationship since month 3). Also he’s quite cold in relationship and he’s gaslighting me a lot.
According to him I’m too warm, affectionate, crazy etc. I don’t think it’s true, but it’s my vs his point of view.
Just for the context: I’m from Ukraine (skilled professional, have a very good job in the UK, was always working my ass off etc). He’s British, hard working, had his own business. His net worth is more than mine (I wish it was the other way around). But I’m honestly doing my best.
Atm I’m absolutely devastated. He told me some time ago that he doesn’t want to marry me. But I also know that his point of view changes all the time. On one hand I don’t want to waste my time on someone who doesn’t want a family with me. On the other hand I know that some man say very weird things sometimes and then end up being the best husbands and fathers.
Dear women, how do you deal with all this shit? Is it manageable at all?
And the ultimate question: he doesn’t want to marry (that’s what he says). Should I leave? What do other women do in similar situations and how does it end?