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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What age is considered appropriate before a child can do this...

524 replies

Poppymayday · 11/01/2025 15:05

Get themselves home from a local school, let themselves in and stay home alone for an hour or so until adult gets back home?

OP posts:
FoolishHips · 11/01/2025 17:53

I think it's year 6 for most kids but I was still collecting mine from sixth form college. Yes I am insane.

Natsku · 11/01/2025 17:54

Nerdlings · 11/01/2025 17:42

Rightly or wrongly, the school I work at would make a referral if an 8 year old was going to be at home alone like the OP mentioned

My DD was a child welfare client when she was small (because of a very difficult custody situation with her dad, lots of failures to return her etc. so had a social worker assigned until I got sole custody), when I needed her to come home alone at 6 I was worried about it and discussed it with her social worker, who reassured me that it was OK and she could manage it. This was not the UK, but a country where childhood hasn't been infantalised in recent years like the UK and children still have much the same independence as they did decades ago

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 11/01/2025 17:54

Start of secondary school for definite, maybe the year before that if max of an hour, they were sensible and had a phone and people to contact if they were worried.

I wouldn't have done it before secondary for DD unless it was under an hour alone.

Evenings alone I was okay with from 13, and overnight at 14/15.

biscuitsandbooks · 11/01/2025 17:55

Nerdlings · 11/01/2025 17:42

Rightly or wrongly, the school I work at would make a referral if an 8 year old was going to be at home alone like the OP mentioned

How would they know?

AngelicKaty · 11/01/2025 17:55

FWIW to add to this debate, the NSPCC website states the following:

"There’s no legal age that your child can travel home from school alone – this is up to you and your best judgement, or your school’s rules and policies. However, you should never leave a child alone who isn’t ready or is unable to care for themselves – learn more about leaving children home alone.
Every child is different – but some schools advise children under 8 shouldn't walk home without an adult or older sibling."

So OP, as I posted previously, only you know your child and what they are capable of and I'm sure, following discussion with your DP/DH and DC, you will arrive at a decision which is best for your DC. 😊

Goldenbear · 11/01/2025 17:55

AngelicKaty · 11/01/2025 17:48

I wasn't suggesting you watch the programme because you have young children - you told me in your first post they're teenagers. I was suggesting you watch it to gain another perspective, which clearly you don't want to do, and that's fine.

I saw the advert for the programme but obviously being a TV programme on the TV at prime time it is going to have to capture the audience's attention, it's TV, it's entertainment more than anything. I think it is obvious the programme would have that outcome. Alternatively, I watched a programme on Channel 4 I think where the children were running the home and it descended into chaos and Lord of the Flies like disorder and it proves that children (not teenagers) do not have the emotional maturity to manage things the way adults (some) do.

DreamW3aver · 11/01/2025 17:56

Itgetsharder · 11/01/2025 15:07

Starting secondary school so 12/13

13? My summer born child had been at secondary school for 2 years by that time, of course they got themselves home while I was at work. You wouldn't pick up a 13 year old would you?

SoapySponge · 11/01/2025 17:58

Starlight7080 · 11/01/2025 17:51

I think it depends on the distance and the area you live.
We unfortunately live in a not so nice town the whole place is bad.
Only yesterday a delivery guy on a bike got beat up in the next road to us in the middle of the day .
So I still pick my kids up .

Obviously, @Starlight7080 that is no more than sheer common sense.
While we lived in a less than affluent part of South London, it wasn't one of the really rough parts, but if it had been, my DM would have done what you do.

(Ironically, I now couldn't afford to buy a place in one of those "rough parts" that my parents would have run a mile to avoid!)

DelicateSoundOfEchos · 11/01/2025 17:58

There's too many variables to give a comprehensive answer.

At 8 I used to get on the bus and be met at the other end by my mum. In year 5 and 6 I would go home myself and let myself in. My mum would normally get home half an hour or so later. I was youngest in my year but was very sensible, streetwise and predictable.

Butteredtoast55 · 11/01/2025 18:00

I have always said year 5 (so around 10) is ok if the child is sensible and they won't be at home alone too long. It's even better if they can walk back as part of a group.

Being home alone is a tricky one. You always need to consider what might happen when they are there (intruders, fire, power cut, accident) and how they would cope with that.
I must admit that I had the most awful nightmare once that my younger DS fell downstairs when I'd popped to the shop and left him with his brother for a few minutes. They were about 8 and 10 at the time, and we couldn't revive my son. It was so vivid and so terrifying that I didn't let them stay alone for about two years after that 😦

Titasaducksarse · 11/01/2025 18:02

It is so variable with so many factors to add in.
Route home, how long left, contingency of something goes wrong. General common sense. Other siblings etc.

8 I'd say is too young though.

Lilactimes · 11/01/2025 18:07

My DD came home with her friends from year 7 onwards but there was always someone in the house until year 10 as I used to work quite long days part of the week. I think they could prob be on their own for an hour from year 8 tho - year 10 was my choice so she had help with cooking nice meals as I was usually home at 8pm onwards 3 nights a week.

shuggles · 11/01/2025 18:07

@Goldenbear The advantages in life come from emotional intelligence and education and that should be the focus for a young child to get them to a place of readiness via confidence when older.

Incorrect. Academic achievements do absolutely nothing in the real world of work.

If you want your child to have a mumsnet job, make sure you have lots of contacts so they can benefit from nepotism and cronyism.

Anonymouseposter · 11/01/2025 18:08

shuggles · 11/01/2025 17:17

@Anonymouseposter I'm one of the dreaded Boomers

I miss the boomer parenting style of leaving children alone to run around and explore.

I wouldn't be giving a mobile phone to an 8 year old either.

Why? Many of the claims about health effects caused by mobile phones are unfounded, and this would be especially true if a child was rarely making phone calls on one.

I agree with the person who said that kids can have a difficult day emotionally and it feels too young to be letting themselves in to an empty house.

I don't understand what is meant by being too young to enter an house.

We're talking about children here, not dogs. The overwhelming majority of them have hands and the dexterity required to turn a key in a lock.

Well in response most of the boomer parents I know didn't have 8 year olds letting themselves in after walking home from school,, although children did play out more from an earlier age.
Secondly I think you're being a bit obtuse. Of course an 8 year old can turn a key in a lock but as other people have said you don't know what sort of day they will have had emotionally.
I think it's not ideal, especially on a regular basis.
There are after school clubs now which didn't used to be an option.
I don't think children are dogs and neither do the vast majority of posters who have suggested 10/11 just like me.
Also I don't think mobile phones have some weird health effects-what they do do is bring bullying etc home with the child and cause aggro.

CheeseNPickle3 · 11/01/2025 18:08

It's a bit "how long is a piece of string" as everyone's situation (and child) is different, but I'd be happy to leave a younger child on their own for a fixed period of time e.g. if I was going out to a shop or to have a child walk home from school if there was somebody in.

It's the combination of both that makes me uneasy. Where you wouldn't know for a considerable amount of time whether the child had actually made it back or not if there was a problem. Especially if they were doing the walk on their own rather than with friends and especially if it was something that they had to do regularly so if someone did have dodgy motives they would see an unaccompanied child's routine.

Goldenbear · 11/01/2025 18:09

Natsku · 11/01/2025 17:54

My DD was a child welfare client when she was small (because of a very difficult custody situation with her dad, lots of failures to return her etc. so had a social worker assigned until I got sole custody), when I needed her to come home alone at 6 I was worried about it and discussed it with her social worker, who reassured me that it was OK and she could manage it. This was not the UK, but a country where childhood hasn't been infantalised in recent years like the UK and children still have much the same independence as they did decades ago

But you are putting a negative spin on it. In the Uk the habits and conventions haven't necessarily changed over the generations; as I posted earlier, I don't know anybody at aged 8 that did this all alone. Perhaps culturally, one might argue the opposite so your culture is trying make children grow up before they are ready to do so. Equally, culturally, from my own childhood, things like that weren't important in the development in becoming an accomplished, intelligent adult. The focus was on exposure to the Arts, reading, creativity and understanding your place in the world.

Sushu · 11/01/2025 18:10

There is a shocking lack of common sense from some adults here. There is a vast difference between an 8 year old and a 10 year old, both in terms of emotional and cognitive development. A 2 year age difference does impact upon maturity and ability to deal navigate life, 2 years is a fifth of your life when you’re 10. Therefore, there is it illogical to think waiting until 10 or even 11 means you’re infantilising your child and will be driving them to work aged 21.

The OP is specifically asking about walking home from school, letting themselves in and remaining at home for an hour. Some adults here cannot recognise nuance and that people live in differing places - a half mile walk in small, friendly village is a world away from half a mile in certain parts of London.

The other day, my key snapped in the lock of my front door. It was annoying but I dealt with it. It doesn’t have to be a big problem for a child not be able to manage something urgent. I know someone is going to say ask a neighbour, well guess what, not all neighbours are known and they’re not all people you’d want to ask for help. People work too, as it happens, my lovely neighbours weren’t home.

duckywoof · 11/01/2025 18:10

I'd say at least 37. These days you can't be too careful.

Lilactimes · 11/01/2025 18:11

SoapySponge · 11/01/2025 17:43

Children mature considerably later these days than they did when I was growing up. (Born mid-50s.)

They are doing things for the first time at secondary school age that my generation was doing at 8, 9 or 10.

Whether that is a good thing or not, I cannot say.

I think this is because roads are busier - there is just a greater level of awareness needed now at all times on roads and public transport and also lack of school buses.

Sushu · 11/01/2025 18:13

shuggles · 11/01/2025 17:32

@MyDeepZebra It's obviously about a young child having no one to come home to and having no choice but to sit alone with their feelings when they've had emotionally difficult school day.

"Emotionally difficult school day"? Dear god, where are you sending your children?

The most stressful thing that happens in primary school is having to add fractions.

I would worry far more for a child aged 8 being emotionally ignored than infantilised. They can learn to walk home from school and be at home alone aged 10. They won’t recover a positive relationship with a parent who is cold and lacks understanding. The parent’s loss, I guess! A shame for the child through.

shuggles · 11/01/2025 18:14

@Anonymouseposter Well in response most of the boomer parents I know didn't have 8 year olds letting themselves in after walking home from school,

Well that's just plain rubbish and incorrect, because as a child in the 90s I saw numerous other children walking home from school.

Secondly I think you're being a bit obtuse. Of course an 8 year old can turn a key in a lock but as other people have said you don't know what sort of day they will have had emotionally.

Sexual abuse and bullying will be a problem regardless of whether the child is walking home, or being ferried around. It should be dealt with as its own issue regardless of how the child is getting home.

I think it's not ideal, especially on a regular basis.

Why? You know it's not normal for children to be ferried around in ugly SUVs, right? First of all, it causes laziness and health problems (inactivity is twice as deadly as obesity). Second, it contributes massively to climate change.

Walking is supposed to be the default way of getting around for everyone who is able-bodied. The idea of always using an ugly SUV from getting from A to B is an idea that has been imported from the USA; and we really shouldn't be doing it because it causes massive problems with infrastructure and urban design.

Goldenbear · 11/01/2025 18:15

shuggles · 11/01/2025 18:07

@Goldenbear The advantages in life come from emotional intelligence and education and that should be the focus for a young child to get them to a place of readiness via confidence when older.

Incorrect. Academic achievements do absolutely nothing in the real world of work.

If you want your child to have a mumsnet job, make sure you have lots of contacts so they can benefit from nepotism and cronyism.

You don't even know who I am, I have a 'Mumsnet' job as does my DH as does all of my family and parents. How do you think people got into those positions, it's not all nepotism. Besides, I didn't argue that it was Academic achievements; at aged 8 it's much more important to create an environment that stimulates their imagination, if you want the outcome to be confidence and intelligence.

Lilactimes · 11/01/2025 18:16

CheeseNPickle3 · 11/01/2025 18:08

It's a bit "how long is a piece of string" as everyone's situation (and child) is different, but I'd be happy to leave a younger child on their own for a fixed period of time e.g. if I was going out to a shop or to have a child walk home from school if there was somebody in.

It's the combination of both that makes me uneasy. Where you wouldn't know for a considerable amount of time whether the child had actually made it back or not if there was a problem. Especially if they were doing the walk on their own rather than with friends and especially if it was something that they had to do regularly so if someone did have dodgy motives they would see an unaccompanied child's routine.

Yes I totally agree with this.

Thebellofstclements · 11/01/2025 18:16

I did it from 9 (year 5). I was with a (very relaxed, old school) childminder before that.
But that's 30+ years ago before snacks were invented. I just played the piano until my parents came home.
ETA
My parents were "boomers", now in their 80s
Mother worked part time (didn't work Fridays)
I went to private day school (hence my mum working)
Lived in very ordinary house
Many of us private school kids had both parents working or otherwise engaged. Those of us whose parents were busy had complete freedom, it was great.

AngelicKaty · 11/01/2025 18:16

Goldenbear · 11/01/2025 17:55

I saw the advert for the programme but obviously being a TV programme on the TV at prime time it is going to have to capture the audience's attention, it's TV, it's entertainment more than anything. I think it is obvious the programme would have that outcome. Alternatively, I watched a programme on Channel 4 I think where the children were running the home and it descended into chaos and Lord of the Flies like disorder and it proves that children (not teenagers) do not have the emotional maturity to manage things the way adults (some) do.

Why do you think "it is obvious the programme would have that outcome"? You seem very narrow-minded, particularly about a series you haven't watched and are unwilling to do so.
I saw the "Lord of the Flies" programme too - a couple of strong-willed children egging on others to do the wrong thing because the quieter ones buckled under peer pressure and mayhem ensued - it's not a relevant comparator for OP's question.
The programme I'm talking about (Planet Child) showed groups, each of 3 children aged 4 - 7, doing part of the very thing OP is asking about - finding their way around without the assistance of an adult - and doing it well even though they didn't know they were being observed.
With respect to OP's original question, we're talking about at what age one child could be trusted to have the common sense, self-reliance and self-confidence to get themselves to and from school and remain at home on their own, safely, for an hour. Only OP can know if her child can do that and would want to - and I'm sure if they wanted to do so, sensible training would be done first to ensure it could be done safely (just as my parents did with me).