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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What age is considered appropriate before a child can do this...

524 replies

Poppymayday · 11/01/2025 15:05

Get themselves home from a local school, let themselves in and stay home alone for an hour or so until adult gets back home?

OP posts:
Natsku · 13/01/2025 13:43

Jumpers4goalposts · 13/01/2025 13:22

In Lebanon the age of marriage for girls is 9, some other countries 13 or puberty. I think we can all agree that is far far far too young. I know that marriage is not like leaving a child at home or allowing them to walk home. But it is an example of what other countries do, which is wrong, just because they do it, it does not make it right. It’s not about expecting more from children or less from children it’s about morally and ethically what is right for the child, and letting them be children safely.

Edited

That's really not a good comparison to make, there are no benefits to child marriage and many proven harms of it, whereas a bit of independence in childhood has known risks (risks rather than harms but risks nonetheless) but also known benefits, and so the question is whether the benefits outweigh the risks or the other way round.

Cheerioshesaid · 13/01/2025 13:48

usernamealreadytaken · 13/01/2025 13:38

Kids start high school from 11 here.

PP is in Ireland where children start school later (at about 5) and there are 8 years of primary school.

Natsku · 13/01/2025 13:49

Cheerioshesaid · 13/01/2025 13:22

I don’t really know.

I suppose part of it depends on how safe the society is itself. Where I live the local children don’t walk home because of busy roads and no footpaths, for example.

I do think 7 or 8 is much too young to be left alone, but how much of that is due to social conditioning I can’t say. I don’t think it’s all social conditioning though. I remember reading an article that said that children weren’t safe to cross the road on their own until about 14. This was to do with brain development iirc - they were unable to judge speed /distance accurately or predict the possibility of traffic being just around the corner successfully at a younger age. It did vary depending on the individual child also (and people start having difficulty once again as they age).

Lots of things are built for adult hands too. It’s safer to wait until a certain age before handling kettles and pots of boiling water for example. So child development, both physical and mental is a factor.

Edited

I would say a lot of that is social conditioning because I was socially conditioned to view things the same way as I grew up in the UK, and had to radically adjust my view when I moved and saw how different things can be.

Agree that the safety of the society is a big factor though. For instance traffic, where I am we have a lot of trust in motorists to be careful at crossings, knowing children might be crossing them, and traffic laws very much on the side of pedestrians, so I feel it is much safer for children to cross the road here (and we teach them to only cross when the cars have stopped, so they don't need to be able to judge speed and distance)

Kokomjolk · 13/01/2025 13:50

There are also risks associated with stifling a child's growth and holding them back from things they are actually capable of. It's not healthy for a child to get the message that their parents don't trust them or that the world is a very dangerous place that they cannot handle.

It's an individual decision where exactly the balance tips but it's not like the only risks in play are on one side. One child might burn himself on a kettle because he was left alone and made a bad decision whereas another child might become anxious and develop low self esteem because her parents told her it was too dangerous and difficult for her to get a bus by herself.

We should all do our best to find a good balance - and I'm sure that most parents do!

Bushmillsbabe · 13/01/2025 13:57

I think my concern would be not knowing thar they had got home. Maybe a ring doorbell would help with this.
I would say 10/11 depending on journey and how sensible child was, how far away i would be if needed.

usernamealreadytaken · 13/01/2025 13:59

Cheerioshesaid · 13/01/2025 13:48

PP is in Ireland where children start school later (at about 5) and there are 8 years of primary school.

None of OPs posts indicate they are in Ireland, so I wouldn't know that, and your post didn't refer to any PP about Ireland.

MyDeepZebra · 13/01/2025 14:05

usernamealreadytaken · 13/01/2025 13:59

None of OPs posts indicate they are in Ireland, so I wouldn't know that, and your post didn't refer to any PP about Ireland.

There were several subsequent posts which clarified the poster you quoted was from Ireland. People are being very nitpicky and just taking issue for no real reason and because they love to be "right" and get one over someone else.

The question that was in the OP was what age that individuals would find it appropriate. The PP indicated what they thought was appropriate, which was secondary school age in their country.

MN is a site used by people from all over the world. You didn't clarifiy where "here" was yourself.

MadMadaMim · 13/01/2025 14:28

Hugely depends on the child.

8 - 11.

Cheerioshesaid · 13/01/2025 14:28

Natsku · 13/01/2025 13:49

I would say a lot of that is social conditioning because I was socially conditioned to view things the same way as I grew up in the UK, and had to radically adjust my view when I moved and saw how different things can be.

Agree that the safety of the society is a big factor though. For instance traffic, where I am we have a lot of trust in motorists to be careful at crossings, knowing children might be crossing them, and traffic laws very much on the side of pedestrians, so I feel it is much safer for children to cross the road here (and we teach them to only cross when the cars have stopped, so they don't need to be able to judge speed and distance)

This is old, but interesting.
https://www.nippon.com/en/nipponblog/m00096/
Society does seem to be set up in places like Japan to allow children to walk to school at a younger age.

The Tightly Regulated “Independence” of Japanese Children

A spate of recent reports in the Western press (including a video documentary) have noted the independence of …

https://www.nippon.com/en/nipponblog/m00096

Cheerioshesaid · 13/01/2025 14:40

usernamealreadytaken · 13/01/2025 13:59

None of OPs posts indicate they are in Ireland, so I wouldn't know that, and your post didn't refer to any PP about Ireland.

I think you misunderstood me. OP isn’t in Ireland as far as I know, but the person you quoted is. I used PP to mean previous poster (i.e. the person you quoted) rather than previous post.

Itgetsharder · 13/01/2025 14:43

MyDeepZebra · 13/01/2025 14:05

There were several subsequent posts which clarified the poster you quoted was from Ireland. People are being very nitpicky and just taking issue for no real reason and because they love to be "right" and get one over someone else.

The question that was in the OP was what age that individuals would find it appropriate. The PP indicated what they thought was appropriate, which was secondary school age in their country.

MN is a site used by people from all over the world. You didn't clarifiy where "here" was yourself.

Precisely!!

usernamealreadytaken · 13/01/2025 14:59

Cheerioshesaid · 13/01/2025 14:40

I think you misunderstood me. OP isn’t in Ireland as far as I know, but the person you quoted is. I used PP to mean previous poster (i.e. the person you quoted) rather than previous post.

That makes more sense! You learn something new every day 😊

Natsku · 13/01/2025 15:23

Cheerioshesaid · 13/01/2025 14:28

This is old, but interesting.
https://www.nippon.com/en/nipponblog/m00096/
Society does seem to be set up in places like Japan to allow children to walk to school at a younger age.

That is interesting, they put a lot of planning and effort into making it safer for the children. Definitely not quite the level of freedom its sometimes made out to be! Its not quite like that in Finland, but at the beginning of the school year volunteers will man the roads next to the schools to watch that children are crossing safely (and advise them if they're not) and that cars are slowing and stopping as they should. Speed limits in school areas are often temporarily reduced at the beginning of the school year too and signposts go up on the roads nearby with a picture of a child and the words 'don't run me over' on them to help remind motorists that they need to be vigilant and careful. But the route they take is up to the child and their parents, we are advised to practice the route with them in the summer before school starts, first walking it with them, then walking at a distance behind them, then letting them do it themselves, and they pretty much all have phones so can be tracked these days if parents are worried.

Cheerioshesaid · 13/01/2025 16:10

Natsku · 13/01/2025 15:23

That is interesting, they put a lot of planning and effort into making it safer for the children. Definitely not quite the level of freedom its sometimes made out to be! Its not quite like that in Finland, but at the beginning of the school year volunteers will man the roads next to the schools to watch that children are crossing safely (and advise them if they're not) and that cars are slowing and stopping as they should. Speed limits in school areas are often temporarily reduced at the beginning of the school year too and signposts go up on the roads nearby with a picture of a child and the words 'don't run me over' on them to help remind motorists that they need to be vigilant and careful. But the route they take is up to the child and their parents, we are advised to practice the route with them in the summer before school starts, first walking it with them, then walking at a distance behind them, then letting them do it themselves, and they pretty much all have phones so can be tracked these days if parents are worried.

I suppose an advantage of younger kids not taking themselves to and from school on their own is that they can get phones later? I’m in Ireland and so mine were 12 or 13 getting them to coincide with the start of secondary here.

Cheerioshesaid · 13/01/2025 16:21

Thanks for the info on how things are done in Finland too @Natsku, really interesting.

Angelil · 13/01/2025 17:12

Depends on the child but I’d say 9-10. My sister did it from 9 (late 90s).

Natsku · 13/01/2025 17:13

Cheerioshesaid · 13/01/2025 16:10

I suppose an advantage of younger kids not taking themselves to and from school on their own is that they can get phones later? I’m in Ireland and so mine were 12 or 13 getting them to coincide with the start of secondary here.

Edited

Yeah that's an advantage for sure. I'm hoping to keep my son to a watch phone for as long as possible as can still track and call but he can't do much else with it, just take pictures.

Ginburee · 13/01/2025 18:51

Mine is 11 in February and the school is around the corner. He walked to and from school since year 5 and will be going to secondary in September.
His elder siblings get home just before him and keep an eye out.

sashh · 14/01/2025 01:55

It depends on the child and as others have said the route and other circumstances.

I went to three different primary schools. At the second one I would have been 7 - 10 year old.

I was expected to come home, let myself in and start peeling potatoes for tea.

BUT we lived on a brand new estate with children of similar ages in most houses. There was a footpath that had been widened and tarmacked from the estate (actually through parts of it) to the school gate.

So virtually the whole school was walking home in dribs and drabs and there were some parents collecting the youngest.

I don't think I should have been expected to start making dinner but the walk was safe, if I forgot my key there were several neighbours I could go to who had children I knew from school.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 17/01/2025 22:19

Poppymayday · 11/01/2025 15:05

Get themselves home from a local school, let themselves in and stay home alone for an hour or so until adult gets back home?

11/12 if they are mature enough

Orchidsunlight · 17/01/2025 22:21

about 11-12

Orchidsunlight · 17/01/2025 22:21

pinkyredrose · 11/01/2025 15:06

8

8???????????

FlipYouCouldBeMe · 17/01/2025 22:22

Yr 6

MadKittenWoman · 23/01/2025 10:38

Child of the 60s here, so I was about 7! 😀

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