Okay to feed someone else’s child without asking?

[Yeahbutnobutyeahbutnobut]

We often have Dds neighbour friend over to play a lot of the weekend and she nips there too. I give snacks-biscuits & drinks and she tells me she sometimes has the same there or a sandwich or toast if hungry.
Our families seem to have dinner at different times (us quite a bit early) so often i’m serving up when her friend has only been here a short time to play. Dd often asks her friend if he wants some (he always does) so he ends up having dinner with us and then back to his own house for dinner quite a bit later on.
As a parent would this bother you? I’m wary about upsetting his own tea, but when he’s saying how much he loves lasagna and we’re having it, can’t sit there eating it without him

I’d just check with the parents in case of allergies but wouldn’t bother me if you’re happy to do it.

Sounds fine, as they feed your DC too, and wouldn't bother me as long as my DC ends up with a decent diet overall - but I'd check with the parents, what their preference is, just in case.

Nope if you are happy with it it's fine. If it annoys the parent they need to tell the child to politely say they need to come home when you eat.

We always sent home at tea time unless already organised/confirmed. Just felt it would be a waste of food otherwise. As the mum cooking dinner to then have child arrive home having already eaten would be hugely galling.

I’d just send him home while you’re eating dinner, or at least ask the other parent how they’d like you to handle it.

I don’t mind my children having moderate amounts of snacks on a play date but I’d be a bit irritated if they were frequently eating a whole dinner elsewhere when I was expecting to feed them later, plus I’d feel bad you having an unexpected extra mouth to feed. That said I would thank you for feeding them if I knew about it, and then tell my DC that they’re to come home and not be intruding if there’s a meal happening- it’s as much for the DC and their parent to sort out if the parent isn’t happy as it is you!

It would take seconds to send a message asking if it was ok.

I’m very happy to feed him as Dd enjoys having him here and eating with him (has no siblings) just wasn’t sure if it would be annoying for him to go home and then possibly not be hungry. We have a very casual dropping in and out of each others house’s arrangement, so to ask each time seems annoying.
I do give him a small portion

I think it’s fine but worth throwing a text to the parents to check. I assume if it bothered them they would have mentioned it by now.

You shouldn't sit there eating it while he doesn't, but I would either send him home for a bit or ask his parent before feeding him a meal. Snacks, no.

I don't think you need to ask the parents every time but a casual conversation just the once would do, just to clarify the situation moving forward. I do agree with the sentiment of I'd probably send him home if we were having our dinner. My kids are fully grown adults now but dinners etc were for family times, talk about our day etc. Of course, different if you've invited a kid for a playdate...but having him constantly for dinner, on a pop in, pop out type friendship, means you could end up having him a lot/permanently!

I think you mean it's fine for you, I would prefer not as I've have made a meal at home and wouldn't want it going to waste.

Pre arranged totally OK but ad-hoc eating of whole meals not so fine for me. You can't rely on another parent to have schooled their child in what to say or the child feeling confident enough to say it

Clearly the only way to know in this situation is to ask the parent, it doesnt matter what any of us think

If the parents are ok with it (I don’t think you need to ask EVERY TIME) and they don’t see it as spoiling his dinner then it’s fine! Also, as long as he’s not overweight… if he’s overweight I’d stop

I think snacks are absolutely fine, but I think it's a bit weird for you to eat your dinner while you have the friend there.

I would either have the conversation with the mum and make it more like an invitation, or wait until he's gone home, or ask his mum to pick him up before you eat .

Why not tell them that you have dinner early and that you are happy to include the friend in those plans if he is there or would they rather that you send him back. You could mention this just once to confirm and then in future you would know what they would rather.

I would have a chat with his mum and ask whether you should send him home when you’re having your tea, or give him some with you.

Lol peak Mumsnet - dinner for "family times", as if occasionally having another person at the table would destroy your "bonding"?!

And everyone wonders where The Village has gone.....

I fed my son's friend once when he was at ours. Chicken curry. Then I found out the whole family were vegetarians. He didn't complain, said nothing and told me it was delicious. So, I would ask in your shoes.( I did ask him if he would like chicken curry BTW).

I tend to feed other children. In the evening it depends a bit on what we're having. Eg a stew or spag bol I can stick extra pasta on and feed more but other things are less easy so we might not. Lunch though isn't a problem. Evenings tends to be random teens rather than younger ones.

My youngest and some friends fluidly meander through houses at the weekend so sometimes I don't see my child from morning til night and he'll have scavenged for food elsewhere. Other times, like today, I've got a couple of extras and they have eaten lunch here.

If they are old enough to come alone, they are old enough to say about allergies, they are old enough to tell parents about the lovely lasagne you made them.

No need to be rude and mean. I didn't get the get the impression that this was an occasional dinner. Yes my family back in the day ate dinner at a table and talked about our day. Obviously that's very alien to you. No crime committed in my house by having this.

I would send the child home at dinner time, and if it was mine, I would prefer the other parents did the same.

I think it's really lovely of you, and I'd be most grateful!
People can be funny though, so I'd probably just check.

How old is he? That would be the thing for me. If he’s 10/11 then yes I’d mention it to parent. If he is 15/16 then no

Why would a friend being there prevent you talking about your day?

"We're going to be having dinner, it's time for you to go home."

Food allergies, pickiness, and cost reasons.