Okay to feed someone else’s child without asking?

[Yeahbutnobutyeahbutnobut]

We often have Dds neighbour friend over to play a lot of the weekend and she nips there too. I give snacks-biscuits & drinks and she tells me she sometimes has the same there or a sandwich or toast if hungry.
Our families seem to have dinner at different times (us quite a bit early) so often i’m serving up when her friend has only been here a short time to play. Dd often asks her friend if he wants some (he always does) so he ends up having dinner with us and then back to his own house for dinner quite a bit later on.
As a parent would this bother you? I’m wary about upsetting his own tea, but when he’s saying how much he loves lasagna and we’re having it, can’t sit there eating it without him

I would send a message to clarify the general question about him having a snack portion with you at dinner time.

7, sensible 7

It depends on the friendship between you and the parents, doesn't it? My kids were lucky enough to have friends who simply absorbed them as part of the family. Never bothered me if they'd been fed. Slightly surprised the time i turned up to pick up to find my son bathed and in his friend's pyjamas but everyone was happy so...

If you're giving him a bit to tide him over til he gets his own meal then no problem.

As long as feeding him isn't causing you a financial problem then it shouldn't be one.

I’d always double check before feeding dinner to someone else’s child in case of allergies, they may have plans to go out for dinner or they don’t want their child having 2 dinners.

If your child is coming to my house, I will happily plan their visit to mean they aren't there at meal time, or re-plan meal time to fit with their visit, if I have warning to do this. I am also very happy to feed my child and not them, if they are expecting this to happen and know the reason for it, like they are being picked up to go out to lunch and I am taking my child to a club that he needs lunch before. Or even if they would be happier not eating with us. However, I am not going to be rude to your child by feeding my family and not them, just in case you want me to, and I am not delaying feeding my kids because yours is there, unless that's been arranged.

This does annoy me when other parents do this actually. Often I’m making a special dinner that doesn’t get eaten. Or even worse my dc tell stories about how we don’t feed them properly! When really the just want to eat someone else’s beige food instead of the nice healthy dinner I’ve spent 2 hours cooking from scratch. Toast or fruit would be fine, an actual meal, I’d want to be asked.

No beige food here!

Why don't you just speak to one of his parents about this?

I call the parents and ask.
Children are always welcome to stay for tea.
I ask about allergies first time a child is visiting us.

Beige food?
We cook healthy food just like you do.

Can't you just have a chat with your neighbour and ask if it's ok to give their little one a small portion of dinner if he's there at dinner time? You don't have to ask every time!

I'd be ok with it in general, but if it's happening often maybe a quick call. If they don't eat until later, then they might not have started cooking, so could make less if you give them a heads up he's already eaten.

If its a regular thing I'd just ask the parents once tbh- if X is here at dinner and he wants some are you happy etc. I wouldn't think badly of people for feeding my child, but I'd prefer to be asked at least once if that makes sense!

Goodness me I feel old.
In my day kids were always asked to go home when it was teatime. Only in exceptional circumstances would they be asked to stay and have tea with us. Like a birthday or something.
I really don't get this modern day " Let's feed everyone else's children " thing .....but money was tighter then and there would only be enough for the family and no more.
I wouldn't appreciate this kid hanging around at mealtimes because then you're forced into a position of feeling " obliged" to feed him.
Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I'd send him home .

You should always ask. What if they have allergies?

You need to check with the parents if this is ok. Snacks are fine but meals are only by agreement. If they are close enough to pop in, they can go home when you have your dinner and come back after. If they say “I love lasagne” you say you’ll make it for him another time when you’ve asked your mum if he can stay for tea. I have a mooching Labrador who is less subtle than that when she wants food!

You're married to a man lacking in empathy. Of course she should be able to bring her own food. What makes you think she will lecture others about their food choices? You told her she could bring food now your husband is putting his foot down! Are you a doormat, not able to say to him that you think it's fine that she brings her own picnic? You & your husband are in the wrong for not providing food suitable for all your guests. You invited her so presumably knew she was vegan. What stops you from getting some specific food for her, and the other vegans/veggies rocking up? It's not hard. All supermarkets cater for v/vs with ready made easy to cook boxes of food.

I think you need to check with the parent. If I knew I probably wouldn't mind but if I was making a roast dinner or something I wouldn't be happy.

Zombie!

I was once ad hoc childminding for a friend and noticed her kids had headlice, they were bathed, shampooed, conditioned and nit combed before she came to collect them. Basically because I didn't want mine catching nits! Friend was very grateful, as a harassed single working mum, she simply hadn't noticed.

The bathing and being in pyjamas is a red flag. It involves children being undressed. Think about that for a second.

I think if you’re actually giving him a full dinner, you should ask his parents first. Who knows what plans they may have for later?