Would you expect your spouse to share their wealth with you

[JollyQuail]

Just wondering, if your partner was considerably wealthier than you, would you expect him to share all his wealth with your after you’re married?

Name added to houses; joint bank accounts, name added to BTL properties.

I would feel very uneasy doing this.

I think it depends. If you bought all the houses before marriage, I would not expect to add names to them....but the marital home you live in together, yes. I would make a prenup though....esp to protect yourself if you are only married a couple years. But if married 10-15+ years and having kids that is a different story. Esp if your wife gives up her career to raise the dc....

I wouldn’t “expect” it no. With things like Buy-to-let properties, I wouldn’t want to be named on them 🤣 for two reasons, first, it’s an income (I’m not named on his salary, so why would I be named on those) second, I’m absolved of any responsibility in looking after them 🤣
Property that we live in, yes, I would expect to be on the deeds, if that’s a problem then I would expect to sell up and buy somewhere together.
As for joint bank accounts no. Absolutely, unequivocally, No. I just don’t agree with them. DH and me have completely separate bank accounts (that way, we can’t see what each other has spent on presents, and he can’t see when I’ve bought shoes 🤣) but we share all finances. My savings are also his savings, and his savings are also mine. We are both fully aware of what each other has, and we call it all “ours”. He has more than me, so when it comes to big purchases, he gets them.

Commitment to my dh as a person and a relationship. It foes not mean I am required to finance him should we split and risk my dd's home should the relationship not last. No one knows what the future holds.

But I also have the right to protect my dd.

I'm wondering if OP is molly mae

Love and hate are very close OP. It's all great getting caught up, married and sharing everything in it together attitude...few years later it's possible you may divorce they will be entitled to half. If you die with no will they get everything.

Never assume in 2025 everything lasts forever. People do not disrespect marriage to how it once was.

Totally agree. I married in my early 50s and already had adult DC. He has no children.

My personal belief is that what people bring into the marriage is theirs, what is made during the marriage is shared.

The circumstances would change my answer.

Second marriage with children - I'd be protecting my own wealth for my child's inheritance, but also sharing some at the time with someone I loved. I wouldn't ever want to live a life where one person has substantially more spending money, one cant afford to get new clothes but the other can, one cant afford to go out for a meal but the other can, etc. And you can make legal provisions for some e to have a lifetime interest in a property or assets, but protecting the rest for your children longer term. Things like looking after children, reducing hours to care for them or the partner, etc should all be taken into account too.

When it's a first marriage and no children, especially if younger then I think it's a different situation entirely. Dh and I met very young and have built our lives together. Whilst dh earns substantially more than I do it's all shared equally. There is no his and her money, all accounts are jointly owned, all assets are,

Don't forget - in the UK a pre nup is not legally standing. It can help give guidance to courts but doesn't have to be followed.

Did you not listen to the wedding vows OP? Wording varies but basically it means........"what's yours in mine and what's mine is yours"........unless you've signed a pre-nup of course.

Best get yourself off to see a solicitor and get matters legally established, God forbid if you have to share some property rental income with your spouse!

I agree with this, largely. We've been together since we were 18, and everything is joint.

If I were to start again with someone new, for whatever reason, I would want to protect my assets for my children. But that would probably mean I wouldn't marry - sharing finances is one of the key points of marriage for me I think.

So get a pre-nup, obviously. They're not even remotely unusual anymore.

I’m in this situation. Up until now, no - DH has retained what is his and I have retained what is mine. To the point that over the years, if he has offered to buy me expensive things, I say no because they’re not things I could afford myself. Now we have DC, my view has changed. Given everything will be DCs one day anyway and the need to provide a stable home for DC, I expect all assets related to DC i.e. the home we live in, cash to provide security and opportunity etc to be shared. I am also more willing to take “handouts” because they mean more time and more fun with DC. If it makes my life easier, I’m all for it.

Absolutely this.

We’ve helped our kids out with house deposits etc. I would be upset if they don’t ring fence that money and then lose it in divorce,

But you don't have to give half away. Do you think he is going to spend it all without telling you. If either of us would come into money it would go into a separate joint account but would always discuss or tell when and what we would use it for like holidays doing up the house or whatever.

You’re not giving it away. You’re sharing it with a life partner. If you don’t view your partner as a life long commitment and companion then don’t get married.

I'm in a 10+ yr relationship and we have a child together. I came into the relationship with more financially, and therefore for that reason I don't want to marry. It wouldn't benefit me. I use the income that my investments create for the good of the family as a whole, but the capital is mine and will be our child's one day.

We split the bills between us and share day to day costs. I've put more money into house repairs and the car. The rest of our money is ours to do with what we want in the main.

Whilst you remain married, it is all shared. You have a shared life, shared living space, furniture, shared holidays, meals out, even shared cars. Just about the only thing you wouldn't be sharing would be clothes, and perhaps equipment for hobbies.

It would only be in the event of a divorce that you would have to 'give half away'. If you anticipate divorce, best not to get married. No point in going into it with one eye on the exit.

As others have said, the exception is if there are pre-existing children who should be provided for in your will.

Agree.

You don't have to get married these days
I certainly wouldn't in your position
As pp said my children will inherit, not a random boyfriend

This put its even better.

I wouldn’t expect it, no. I’d want our home to be in joint names but I wouldn’t expect other assets like investments to now be joint. I would expect my DH to contribute fairly to ongoing living costs. Ie proportionally to his overall wealth.

Yes. But a bit extreme to add names to mortgages etc. and buy to let's (not to mention this is complicated in terms of tax returns etc) but family money yes.

This for me nails it.

You need to be getting good legal advice and a pre nup

I would expect to live the same lifestyle, and for the spouse to have some financial security. But investments, houses ect? Absolutely not. There is no reason to give away half of your pre-existing wealth on marriage, and unless you are religious the whole “share with you” vows only apply if you want them to. Personally I’d never get married again if I lost DH, or if I did would want a cast iron pre-nup.

A good friend of mine married after graduating, both at the same level. Over time she developed a really good career. Slowly he became quite lazy. When DCs were born (and when they were at nursery), he decided he wanted to be a standalone dad. My friend continued to work hard, carry all the mental load and do the majority of the housework in the evenings and the weekend. He never worked again. Developing a lovely life of packing the kids off the school, watching television and going to the pub. All finances were shared. My friend loved him and worshiped the ground he walked on. When my friend was in her late 50s she was planning a good retirement at 60, based on her hard work. Her DH then left. When he divorced her he took half of everything, the pension only she had contributed to, the house only she had paid the mortgage on and the savings only she had contributed to. His research was very good. Moral of the story is be very careful. My friend is still working hard. The awful bit is given he stopped at home with the kids she also has to pay spousal maintenance.