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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think iv wasted my life and I don’t see the point of carrying on

59 replies

WaffleDogg20 · 10/01/2025 13:57

I’m a 34 year old married mum to 3.

I didn’t have the best childhood which caused me to go off the rails. I had my first child at 17 and my second at 19, my mum died when my 2nd was 8 weeks old. I married their dad and divorced by 22. It was a very abusive relationship.

luckily met my now husband and have an 8 year old. I’m lucky enough to be able to be a SAHM as husband has a good job.

i left school with zero qualifications. I have dyslexia and adhd. I have/had dreams of doing something amazing like becoming a midwife but right now I’d love to work is social care.

I am too thick to have a career. I’m too old to retake my GCSEs and restart. Not that I would be able to anyway.

im so fed up. I can’t see a way out of it :(

OP posts:
LiamNeesonIsADerryGirl · 10/01/2025 14:00

You're never too old and it's never too late. Have you looked into any career pathways?

LittleRedRidingHoody · 10/01/2025 14:00

You are not 'too thick' ~ it sounds like you've done an amazing job so far.

Think about the long term. Even if it takes years to retrain, do you exams, and qualify - if you start now you'll still have decades working as a midwife after that!

Lots of people go back and study later on. There will be options out there for you 💐

user263758910 · 10/01/2025 14:03

Never too old. 34 is no age!

Downbadatthegym · 10/01/2025 14:03

I think there are access courses available op, take a look at what you want to do and see if their are any courses you can take to get you there. I’m sure open university and local colleges run these. You still have 30 years of working life left so get out there and do what you can.
You can receive support for the dyslexia too.

Rickrolypoly · 10/01/2025 14:04

Well you are not too old- that's for sure. A friend of mine went back to study at 42 years old. Best thing she ever did. Lots of people do it.
You do however seem to be very low and down on yourself for now reason and that is something you should address immediately.

ffsgloria · 10/01/2025 14:04

34 is still young, honestly. People re-train at all ages. I'm a decade older and changing career. You definitely are not too thick! Go for it, what have you got to lose. There will be options for you.

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/01/2025 14:06

I retrained at 30 and then added another professional qualification 10 years later. It’s never too late, dyslexia and ADHD make it more challenging but there’s so much support in higher education now. You have years of life left in you.

Catza · 10/01/2025 14:14

Too old and too thick? I am sure not.
I left school without qualifications at 16 and I did my university degree at 36. By that point they didn't care about my qualifications. As a mature student, they were more interested in my life experiences.
So if you want to be a midwife or any form of healthcare professional, you can absolutely make a start. Get a position as a care worker or, better still, as an HCA in a local NHS trust. Give it a couple of years to gain relevant experience, maybe do an access course at the same time and then see what your options are after that. Honestly, it is easier than you think to get your life back on track.

FearNotSheHathRisen · 10/01/2025 14:19

Oh OP, I wish I could give you a hug.

As everyone else has said, you're not too old and it's not too late to carve out a career for yourself. There will always be options and employers are desperate for people who want to work hard and do well - skills can be taught but attitude is so important. And, in social care, they are crying out for people with a caring approach and who want to do this type of work, have you spoken to anyone who could point you in the right direction?

BUT, do remember that you are far more than just your job or exam results. You will have countless qualities that people value and love - your children, your husband, friends and family. You will make people feel good and valued, so who can you lean on to make you feel the same? Dyslexia and ADHD can be obstacles, there's no doubt, but they can be worked around and worked with, and I can guarantee you, you're not thick, you simply haven't been supported in the right way.

As others have said, your self esteem seems very low, so can you focus on how you can give yourself a bit of a boost right now though I know that's far from easy or simple. Now your littlest is 8, this is the ideal time to start investing some time and energy into you - you have years ahead of you and this is just the beginning.

Cheering you on from here x

BeensOnToost · 10/01/2025 14:19

Lets logic this out.

Do you realise that your poor school outcomes are likely linked to your difficult childhood?

Are you financially able to afford going back to college?

Do you have the time?

Are you well supported now?

My view is that you appear to be better supported and are financially able to go back to education, you also have the time to do so.

Why not book an open day and get a feel for education and courses?

Did you know that before you do an access course, they make you take a test to assess whether you can manage the course? My advice is to do that. You can then get advice from the school about whether you'll be accepted or what support and training they can offer to get you to the required standard or offer you a more suitable course.

Trust me, there is someone out there tenfold your hand, you just need to take the first step.

CleanShirt · 10/01/2025 14:20

Who says you're too old? 34 is young. My mum did 3 GCSE's at 38.

yeastextract · 10/01/2025 14:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Bignanna · 10/01/2025 14:21

I did nursing training in my thirties, it’s common now

Ballyhoballyhoo · 10/01/2025 14:23

34 is no age and soon your kids will be truly independent! Get thee to a night class, FE college… start with a subject you like, and honestly you will find GCSEs much easier than you remember esp if you do 1 at a time.

FearNotSheHathRisen · 10/01/2025 14:24

Have a look here as a starting point:

https://uk.indeed.com/career-advice/finding-a-job/how-to-become-healthcare-assistant

Also, just look at how many strangers on the internet are invested in you and want to help... you ARE important, you have value. You just need to believe it too.

CoolPlayer · 10/01/2025 14:26

Just wanted to say you haven't wasted you’re life any way with or without the job you’re important and you matter x and if that is what you want to try you still have time :)

TheFunHare · 10/01/2025 14:29

I'm so sad that the shitty school system we have in this country has instilled in you that you are thick because you have dyslexia and adhd. You are probably incredibly, kind, creative, entrepreneurial with a different way of thinking that would be valuable to so many careers including social care.

Ballyhoballyhoo · 10/01/2025 14:33

My DM got a degree in her late 40s while working FT, it took her 5 years but she bloody did it! Not something a girl from a WC background, who was a teenage mum probably ever saw in her future at 34.

Sureitwont · 10/01/2025 14:39

I did an access to health and social care course at 30 and many of the people on the course were older than you OP- 40s+ mums who’s kids had grown up and they were looking for a career.

Without meaning it in a judgemental way, many were not typically “bright” but they all (as far as I can remember) stuck with the course and got into universities to do social work degrees.

As for myself, I was doing the course to get on to a psychology degree, which I got, but now I’m a lawyer 😂 It really isn’t too late!

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 10/01/2025 14:44

Calling yourself thick is your abusive ex speaking. Really think about all the things that you can do. How much did you learn when you became a mother? How much Internet research did you do over various milestones or weaning or secondary school choices, or which hobbies to get them into or other things you can do like learning to drive or cooking (both complex skills when you break them down)? You weren't born knowing any of this stuff, you have learned it. You can learn. You are a learner.

If you didn't do well at school it is because you didn't have the right teachers and you weren't studying the things that interested you. Adult education is a completely different setting to school. You don't have the same social dramas that raging hormonal angsty teenagers do. You can pick and choose the topics you want to take and nobody is forcing you to be there, so the motivation is different too.

I hope you don't dismiss the idea of qualifying in your 30s. It will be hard (especially with 3 kids in tow) but only you can change your life.

stayathomer · 10/01/2025 14:46

34 is so young op (44 and in retail).

JasmineTea11 · 10/01/2025 14:49

I had lots of students older than you when I taught Access to Higher education in colleges. Have you looked at what is available locally? Some colleges do a pre access program for people who need to do GCSES first.

5128gap · 10/01/2025 14:52

You've only been an adult for 16 years and you've hopefully got another 50 left! And look what you have in this time, three children (so you don't have any career disruptions to work around when you get going) a home and a relationship. Rather than being behind, you are actually ahead of many people in terms of life goals. You don't yet have a fulfilling career, that's ok. No one can do everything all at once, so you just do them the other way round to some people. Lots of careers don't need a bunch of formal qualifications. There are incredibly rewarding roles in the third sector for example where no one asks for exam results as its attitude and experience (you can gain through volunteering) that matters. If you've no clear idea of what you want to do I'd strongly recommend a volunteer role. Given you a soft entry into the world of work and you can take it from there.

Newgirls · 10/01/2025 14:53

I think adults in 30s and 40s and beyond have a clearer sense of what they really want to study compared to most 16-18s so now is the perfect time to start! What interests you?

Deadringer · 10/01/2025 14:55

My sister and my best friend went to college in their 50s and embarked on new careers afterwards and are thriving in them. Neither of them were any good at school. You are absolutely not too old to go back to education. Also despite your childhood and previous abusive relationship you are in a good marriage and i bet you are doing a great job raising your dc, so you are very successful in your personal life. You are still very young and have a long life ahead of you, start planning for the rest of it!