To think iv wasted my life and I don’t see the point of carrying on

[WaffleDogg20]

I’m a 34 year old married mum to 3.

I didn’t have the best childhood which caused me to go off the rails. I had my first child at 17 and my second at 19, my mum died when my 2nd was 8 weeks old. I married their dad and divorced by 22. It was a very abusive relationship.

luckily met my now husband and have an 8 year old. I’m lucky enough to be able to be a SAHM as husband has a good job.

i left school with zero qualifications. I have dyslexia and adhd. I have/had dreams of doing something amazing like becoming a midwife but right now I’d love to work is social care.

I am too thick to have a career. I’m too old to retake my GCSEs and restart. Not that I would be able to anyway.

im so fed up. I can’t see a way out of it :(

The support for issues like dyslexia in the educational system beyond school can be fantastic - and the amount of help (including financial via DSA that doesn’t need to be repaid) is incredible. Please don’t imagine that post-18 education is the same world as school. Wishing you so much good luck.

It’s never too late but I want to mention there’s this pressure from many feminists that all women need to be working a job and it’s not true. You can be proud of being a stay at home mom; it’s the hardest job imo. But if you feel something is missing in ur life then find a hobby to fulfill you. I am a mom and also adhd. I work part time managing 2 rental properties. For my hobbies I work out, do brunch with friends, read, and travel.

I'm 48 & have no children, I think you're so lucky in life to have 3 children!

I'm applying for a new job myself, in a different role, I've known colleagues such as nurses actually qualify at 50 who had no GCSEs when they left school, but did college courses as 30 / 40 somethings.
Also know healthcare workers who were originally non English speaking immigrants who left school at 11.. who complete the Care Certificate and qualify in venepuncture & cannulation.
I know the local university helps adult students who are dyslexic.

To me I think the main issue is you are a bit depressed maybe and that's making you see everything negatively.. a chat to a gp or practice nurse about how to overcome those thoughts may help.

No way! 34 is not too old and it isnt too late.

I know people who are done with the child raising years and starting to live their lives for themselves in their 40s (some are still raising young children). They are studying and working in various fields. They are taking charge of their health, some have just started to learn to drive.

You are only 34. You can do so much.

Have a look at whats available in your area, what interests you and what you can fit around your family life, then just go for it. Theres more clarity and determination as you get older that isnt always there in the younger years so it helps you succeed.

I was 35, married with two kids (2.5 and 1 y/o) when I decided to completely change my career, which meant retraining part-time for five years. Ten years later I love what I do now and haven’t once regretted it.

You are not too thick or too old to change your life. Those thoughts are called limiting beliefs because they keep you stuck. Whenever I have a thought that limits me (‘I’ll never learn x’/ ‘This is too hard’/ ‘I’m going to mess this up’ etc) I say to myself ‘maybe, but maybe not’ and I make room for the thought that reality can be different from my belief, because my thought is not a fact.

In my area there are training providers to support adults with education and training, and maybe there’s an org in your area that can help you access some relevant courses to build your self-confidence? Also colleges often have careers service advisers that can plot through the steps to get to your end goal. Maybe a chat with a student adviser would help you break your career goal into stages?

I swear if I knew you in real life I’d be so excited for you and willing you on to at least research this.

There are many entry level roles. You can start unqualified and take your qualifications as you work.

Many people don't start a career till they're in their 30s or 40s.

Have a look on indeed.

Your post is better written than half the emails and reports I wade through from highly qualified professionals.

You have resilience, life experience and a desire to develop.

You will be an asset. Take the first step, explore adult education in your area today.

My husband had not a single qualification until he was in his 30s. He started with entry level adult numeracy and literacy at a local learning centre. Then level 1, then level 2. Then a level 2 city and guilds course at a college where he won an award for student of the year. Then a level 3 where he won another award (I'm a bit proud, you might be able to tell). It's never too late.

34? I’ve got jumpers which are older than you!
Turn your thoughts around and recognise your experience and achievements as a mother. With two teenagers, a child who’s becoming independent of you and a supportive husband, now’s the time to build on your ambition. Success doesn’t always follow traditional routes. Allow nothing to get in your way.
It’s not too late.

You're only 34 plenty of time to start. My dd has dyslexia and adhd and is at uni doing mental health nursing, you can too if that's what you want but it will be difficult but it you are determined you can do it. You'd need to do some sort of access course at college first.

Edited to add I don't mean you doing mental health nursing, just that you can go to uni too if thats what you want. Realise it sounded confusing.

My friend trained to be a teacher in her 40s, as others have said you are still young with over 30 working years ahead of you, if you want them.

Have look online at local colleges or adult education centres. Great place to start and go from there. I have a friend who gained a post graduate degree at 36 and re took her gcse maths in her later 20s. I also worked with someone who qualified as a midwife at 44.

Blimey, you’re no age at all. You have managed to draft a post that is coherent and clearly sets out your position, I’ve come across many graduates who can’t do that.

what do you love doing? What career would you like? - you’re in a wonderful position of being able to start your career path at an age when you know yourself better, your career won’t be interrupted by pregnancy/young kids.

Visit a local college, get some GCSEs inc English and Maths behind you. Find out what qualifications you need to get the career you want. You can do this.

You haven’t wasted anything - you have 3 children. But now is the time for you. You’ll have 30 odd years of career ahead of you.

I’ll quote you some Iron Maiden
“So understand
Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Face up, make your stand
Realize you're living in the golden years”

never too late for anything as long as you’re drawing breath -you might just have to do things slightly differently.

Fuck me you're early 30s. That's quite a pity party for someone with a world of choice out there.
Contact you local FE college and see what's available, GCSEs in English, maths and a science could be a good start or a foundation vocational course. I'm the DM of two successful DSs who have ADHD. They took apprenticeships, the classroom doesn't suit everyone.
I also have friends who started training as nurses in their early 40s. They started working part-time in our local hospial as assistants who did meals, cleaned, etc. One is now a sister in A&E.

Well a career is only one part of your life isn't it? You say you have 3 kids and a husband. Is he a good one? If so, your life is actually pretty good. I can see you would like your dream career too, and there's no reason why you can't work towards it. But is that the only thing 'missing', or is there more you haven't told us about? Because if your family life is good, then your title seems OTT. I'm wondering if there's more to it?

I am also a SAHM. I have qualifications but they are useless. I don't know what I want to do for work once the kids are at school, and would love to be in your position where you actually know what you want to do. That's half the battle! I suggest getting advice about how to access/train for your preferred role, either as a carer or midwife, and talk through the options with your husband to see how training or working could fit with your lives (he can tweak his role if needed). Make a plan. Even if it's "we can't manage this now, but in two years I will apply to X". A plan will really help.

This is a fantastic post and spot on IMO. Care work can be fitted around your other commitments, good for your CV and most importantly an idea of at least some aspects of social/medical care. You will also be doing a really important (like vital) job and that is itself gives confidence.

Do look into access course options alongside. Dyslexia and ADHD are better recognised now and although they won't make things easier, there is an awareness that some people will need adjustments. That awareness extends to people not fulfilling their potential in their teens, for reasons often beyond their control.

Wishing you the very best of luck

34 is young, talk to a good career advisor, you have plenty of time to start a career, even if you qualified at 40, you would still have 27 years of work ahead of you

You're not too thick and at your age certainly not too old.
Sounds like you had a rocky start, but have 3 lovely children and a supportive husband.
Retrain to do something you want and get on with enjoying life with your family.

I just did a post grad diploma and about a third of the class had to retake maths or English gcse (or both) as the apprenticeship required it. I am 42 and one of the younger people on the course.

Never too old. You will be surprised how many people come back to education at later life. I took a degree in my 20s and there were loads of people over 50, one even 80. Gcses will be the same. They also have alternative access courses for various careers, go and have a chat with the colleges and start finding out what your options are. It might take you a while to build up to signing up but you can start the process of finding out now. There are access courses for people who have no gcses to get straight into higher education courses, this is probably true for midwifery but you should start looking into it and you might feel more positive about it all once you have some ideas about how to do it.

Would you think about doing a healthcare assistant course ? It could be good experience if you wish to train as a nurse or midwife in the future. Just a thought. There are lots of different avenues into nursing and midwifery. And there are lots of interesting opportunities for healthcare assistants too, the role is expanding all the time.

What makes you think you’d be too thick to obtain qualifications? You don’t sound thick at all! You sound coherent and self-reflective and capable. You have strength of character and resilience because you escaped an abusive relationship. You sound like someone who would be a brilliant midwife or social worker.

Have you looked into what steps you would need to take to obtain the necessary qualifications?

You are so young, you have gifts on your side. I think there is every opportunity for you to still pursue a career.

You sound a good person who's resilient and done well, but lacking confidence and job experience.

You could as suggested do an access course, speak to a career's adviser and study. You could apply for care work or NHS jobs as some don't need qualifications and are crying out for staff. Sign up for NHS Bank staff. You could progress from there.

Some of these jobs are part time and Bank's flexible so you could fit it around your life.

With all these options you will learn skills, experience and can see what you like and what you don't to make a long term decision.

2 of your children are late teens so are nearly grown. Your 8 year old is in school I presume. That gives you a lot of free time to work on retaking your GCSE's. The fact that your husband earns enough for you to be a SAHM is an amazing opportunity that a lot of women don't get. You're certainly not thick OR too old to do it.

I don't know who's said that YANBU but presumably they've either made a mistake or they're the thick ones for thinking that way.

Everyone's entitled to a second go; your disabilities might make it a bit harder but you'll get support so that you can achieve something outside your family.

OP you can redo your GCSE. Look proper into it. They will have ways to help with your dislexia and ADHD.

What about starting a job, even part time? Local shops, factories, school? Just to get you out there and start the path.