To feel really fed up of this? Or am I being sensitive?

[Minddhowyougo]

I am a single parent to dd 3. We see my parents every Tuesday, meet for lunch then a few hours back at their house. At weekends dd sees her dad usually and if not I like to meet a friend with their toddler and have a catch up. Now and then I call in at a weekend to see parents if it’s a birthday or for whatever reason we haven’t been able to meet on the Tuesday.

Without fail I will be contacted throughout the week to ask if I can bring dd round at a weekend. I find it incredibly suffocating and like I have to explain myself over and over. Sometimes I just don’t want to see them! I get on with them fine but once a week is more than enough. I also hate how I will say no and then be pestered all week. This morning again I had a message asking me to come round tomorrow. I feel like I’m treated like a child. I mention that I’m a single parent as they don’t do this to my sister who also has a child… she is married and it she says she is busy then they accept it. Am I being sensitive? It really brings me down. I can’t put my finger on why exactly but i start to feel I have no life of my own. if I get frustrated and say no again and again they often say they won’t be here long and they just want to see their granddaughter etc (they’re sixties) Surely once a week is enough?

@yeastextract yes I work. I’m not lonely and don’t give that impression

Drop her off with them and do your own thing?

@SelectedStories i don’t want to. I work in the week and want to spend time with her.

Don’t alienate the potential and best babysitters! 😆 If they’re desperate to spend time with your child, make the most of that and get some time to yourself.

Just say that you're busy at weekends, DC is usually not with you anyway, and whilst you will try and make time if you've not managed to spend time together on Tuesday, you find them pressurising you stressful and uncomfortable.

Failing that, suggest that you drop Tuesdays in favour of weekends if that is what they'd prefer - then only find yourself with time to meet up once a month.

Do they work?

They are hardly monsters for wanting to see you and their grandchild! You've declined the invitation, fine, but they are within their rights to issue another the following week. Decline that too if you don't want to go. That is life, sometimes you say yes, sometimes no, we all move on. You don't have to go, and if you do go, you don't have to stay all day. Pop in on your way home, have a cuppa for 20 minutes. But if you don't want to go, you don't have to, there are no adverse consequences or repercussions - what is the issue?

@InvisibilityCloakActivated they ask multiple times during the week even when I’ve said no

@watchuswreckthemic no

@yeastextract no, at nursery four days so nothing structured at weekends

She's been repeatedly asked every week..

No one has said they’re monsters? Why are you exaggerating?

They are not waiting for the following week.

She saw them on Tuesday and they are hassling her for a weekend visit.

I mention that I’m a single parent as they don’t do this to my sister who also has a child… she is married and it she says she is busy then they accept it.

A lot for people are like this, they think single women or single mothers have no lives and should want to see them all the time.

I would tell that they need to stop asking so much or you will visits to every fortnight or every month.

Precisely. Drives me mad when posters (like the one you replied to) can’t or won’t read and understand an OP properly.

I think you have to just keep politely and firmly saying now if it doesn’t work for you.

I can understand how it feels suffocating and you’d like to be able to give a blanket “don’t ask” but at the same time, they’re your village.

Have a message pinned to your text clipboard that says, 'thank you for the invitation, but I am too busy to meet up any time except our usual Tuesdays. See you soon/lots of love/ whatever'.

Then you don't have to think about it when they text, just bang them a 'same old same old' reply every time. They'll get bored eventually, and if they don't, it's only taking a couple of seconds from your day. Ignore any follow ups (because you've said you are busy) or just send the same text again.

@yeastextract agree with others advice- stick to your guns. Keep up with the same message and hopefully they will 'get it'. I asked if they worked as I suspected this is about their need for interaction and not what is best for you and your child.

Stop answering their calls so much as you know they are only pestering you.

It sounds like they’re bored and want the distraction. Also I’m sure they love your dd to bits. But yes it’s overbearing and also disrespectful to keep on hassling you.

Just say “I’ve got plans this weekend” and if either asks again “why are you asking the same question I’ve already given an answer to?” Be blunt. And then I’d just ignore their calls tbh - text “sorry, busy right now” and leave it at that. They’ll soon get the message unless they’re disturbingly obtuse in which case you’ll have to find your inner mean girl and tell them they’re doing ur head in.

Don't respond to the messages you don't like. Let them pester. Ignore.

2 options from my pov: 1. Ignore subsequent requests after you declined the first one. If they get cross at lack of response say ‘but I already answered you yesterday’ or similar. 2. Respond to each subsequent request after you decline with ‘I already answered you yesterday (or whenever as appropriate)