To feel really fed up of this? Or am I being sensitive?

[Minddhowyougo]

I am a single parent to dd 3. We see my parents every Tuesday, meet for lunch then a few hours back at their house. At weekends dd sees her dad usually and if not I like to meet a friend with their toddler and have a catch up. Now and then I call in at a weekend to see parents if it’s a birthday or for whatever reason we haven’t been able to meet on the Tuesday.

Without fail I will be contacted throughout the week to ask if I can bring dd round at a weekend. I find it incredibly suffocating and like I have to explain myself over and over. Sometimes I just don’t want to see them! I get on with them fine but once a week is more than enough. I also hate how I will say no and then be pestered all week. This morning again I had a message asking me to come round tomorrow. I feel like I’m treated like a child. I mention that I’m a single parent as they don’t do this to my sister who also has a child… she is married and it she says she is busy then they accept it. Am I being sensitive? It really brings me down. I can’t put my finger on why exactly but i start to feel I have no life of my own. if I get frustrated and say no again and again they often say they won’t be here long and they just want to see their granddaughter etc (they’re sixties) Surely once a week is enough?

I've literally just switched over from another thread where this poster spent the whole thread being vile to the OP there. Christ in flip flops, chill out!

Your parents don’t seem to have done a very good job in teaching their daughter how to be very clear about boundaries. Perhaps intentionally!

Just a flat “Tuesday is our only availability, see you then”. Over and over and over again. If they persist, then they are either stupid or cruel

I think you're giving this too much headspace.

Say no the first time they ask and then just ignore subsequent messages. Don't get involved in a discussion about it.

You can't be serious. It's her parents, not a corporate meeting! Imagine how it would feel if your child responded like this to you?
My parents are always asking me to pop over and I say no more often than not but I would never be upset about it and honestly I wouldn't want them to stop asking. Sounds to me like a you problem (or perhaps a deeper issue) that needs to be addressed and/or communicated.

if i take the Op at face value

these parents have been relentlessly pestering the Op over and over and over again, completely ignoring her, for a long time now.

So enough with the softly softly and now - no, i’ll be there on tuesday.

@jolene7

and honestly I wouldn't want them to stop asking

whereas the Op does want her parents to stop asking. To the extent that she’s started a thread about it. See the difference to your situation?

I think it’s more that OP’s parents likely think that because she has no husband to tend to, making a prior and important claim (like they think her sister has), next in the pecking order of people she must obey and facilitate the life of/look after is them. She’s not a person in her own right because she’s a single woman. You see this allllll the time.

I was a single parent for a while. I think I was treated like a kid whilst my married sister was treated like a grown up.

Have you considered moving further away?

As they don't work, could they do a day or two with her instead of nursery? It would solve this problem and save you money.

come again?

@backwayentrance I have a good relationship with my family (as in we chat on the phone regularly and don’t argue) but I love that they aren’t nearby. I would hate them popping in or seeing them weekly. That’s just me, luckily DH is the same with his family! We see relatives on an annual basis rather than weekly. Anyway it would probably mean the Op was bothered less by them. Just a suggestion. They don’t seem to respect her independence, unlike her married sister.

Perhaps they are fed up of the Tuesday slot. Lunch and back to theirs sounds lovely but doing the same thing on the same day every week would drive me potty.

I know you are busy and are happy with just one day a week but could you mix it up a bit and change to a different day every now and again? Or a different time - tea instead of lunch?

to actually sell your home, move your jobs your child’s nursery, move away from your friends…. just to move away from two harmless but annoying parents? insane

@backwayentrance I moved to a different continent to break free from annoying but well meaning relatives, we are all different, I am not risk averse and very independent. Age 19 I went from Cork to Japan and stayed for 2 years. I am always surprised when other people stay in their home town surrounded by relatives. Maybe my view is skewed. To me putting some distance between the op and her parents is an easy fix. I guess it depends what you value most, your independence or grandparents helping out. Small kids don’t care about a change of nursery. Ops job is a consideration of course. Agree to disagree.

I would turn things on them slightly. 'Don't you have any plans for the weekend? You're not seeing friends? That's a pity.' 'The weather's good, why don't the two of you go out for a drive?' 'You seems really at a loose end. Why don't you join the Ramblers/the U3A.'

Because it is good for them, not just to be parents and grandparents but to have their own independent lives.

you moved yourself, your children, schools, job, local friends, sold your home…. in order to get away from some harmless but annoying relatives?

Age 19 I went from Cork to Japan and stayed for 2 years

i suspect you were in a somewhat different position to the OP

If your DD does 4 days in nursery in the week would it be an option for them to pick her up at lunchtime one day and have the afternoon with her? Means they get more time with her but it doesn’t intrude on your weekends.

@backwayentrance yes of course, my point is you don’t have to stay where you are, you can move and extend your horizons. You don’t have to stay in touch with annoying parents and live in the same town. Going out to dinner now and signing off. All the best to the op.

indeed
you don’t have to stay in touch
but the Op doesn’t want to lose touch
she wants her parents to stop pestering her for weekly meetings up
and upending her life to do that… would be, well, weird, daft and completely ott.

And that’s just for starters 😆