to expect my husband to look after our son when I feel ill????

[fiestabelle]

I dont post very often but need to know if this is my problem, or if I am right to think that my husband is behaving selfishly??? I have a sickness bug/food poisonng (not sure which) and have been vomiting/diorhea sp??) since Friday?? I have also been feeling pretty low the past fews weeks and suspect that I may have mild PND.

Started feeling ill yesterday am, husband took our 18mth old out for the morning, and I did housework, we went out for lunch and when we came back it all just caught up with me, started crying over something very minor, felt sick, and needed to lie down to get myself together. I asked my DH to watch son, and he did - then suggested that I should bath him and get him ready for bed as it would be good "bonding" time - wtf, I am with our son every day and could not be closer to him!!!

Today he let me lie in as I was ill through the night, but he had plans to watch footie at mid-day. I got up around 9ish, and he asked if I wanted him to stay home, I said yes, cue much tutting, huffing, etc etc. I tried to get myself together, but really felt bad, the outcome being that he called his parents to come and collect DS and take him for the day.

All I wanted was a bit of help with DS, didnt want him packed of to GP for the day - am I being unreasonable to expect my DH to have cancelled his day out to look after me and DS??

He has said that my logic is twisted, and that he was trying to give me some time on my own??

oh good for you fiesta - go for it.

I think many men will take as little responsibility as they can get away with; or if not that, then they certainly won't FIGHT to get more responsibility.

It really works to shove it assertively back where it belongs. My dh is great but I have had to do this once or twice since ds was born. The thing to do is not to agonise; just tell him what you want clearly and don't put up with any sulky pantomimes without clearly telling him you can see what he's doing...don't take responsibility for his feelings, try and cut off and not have the weight of it all on your shoulders.

Of course in relationships we have to take note of eachothers feelings, but that's not the same as putting up with this sort of emotional passive/aggressive sulking stuff.

Have to admit, along with the 'this is your child too and your responsibility' I have also found that praise works well, for being such a great dad, SO much better than many who just don't take their share, etc

two pronged attack

juuule on Mon 05-May-08 16:49:44
"Cory - So she says 'no, I don't feel well' and then he does it or the bath gets skipped. What's the problem?"

To me, the problem would be if he knows she is not feeling well (as he presumably did) and still makes the suggestion, then he is an unhelpful twat. (Unless the OP is in the habit of making similar suggestions when he has tummy bugs.)

Personally, I'd be really annoyed to find that my dh fell into the unhelpful twat category; I expect him to be clued up - why shouldn't he be? (ha! at last a question on which I agree with Xenia!)

And putting ds to bed isn't really a job that can be skipped, though the bath can.