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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not take parcels or let the housing association repairs team in for the neighbour?

33 replies

AmITheURNeighbour · 09/01/2025 17:11

Even though she has a very very sick child whose in and out of hospital?

I feel like a really horrible person for saying no.

Basically neighbour and I rent from the same housing association, she lives opposite.

She has an extremely sick child, we’re talking wheelchair bound on oxygen in and out of hospital sick. I’ve seen ambulances outside the house and she and the child (who I’d guess is around 7) disappear for months at a time, so assuming they’re in hospital.

Housing Association have asked me a couple of times now (via the housing officer) if I would keep hold of a key and they’d let me know when repairs where needed for the neighbours house and I can just let them in. I don’t want to. I don’t want the responsibility, I don’t want to have to make sure I’m in for her repairs as well as mine, I just don’t want to. What happens if neighbours stuff goes missing? What if I need to work when they're there? (I keep an eye on them in my own home, as in watch them and make sure they only go in the rooms they're supposed to) What if the works not right? I just don't want the responsibility.

Similarly neighbour has asked me to take and keep hold of parcels because she has no-one else, no family, and very few friends.

I have a child with SN, who I’m a single parent to. So I do get how hard it is when you have no-one (I at least have ExH who doesn’t agree DC has SN but does take DC for a weekend EOW which gives me a break) but I have enough to be dealing with in my own life and DCs without having to think about someone else and another house.

AIBU? I feel like I am

OP posts:
CoffeeCup14 · 09/01/2025 17:16

I think not taking parcels is a bit unreasonable (unless you've got literally no space). But the Housing Association could put in a keysafe. They shouldn't be asking you.

Christmasgiraffe · 09/01/2025 17:21

Yes, you're unreasonable

LittleRedRidingHoody · 09/01/2025 17:22

I agree council should put in a key-safe or similar for works.

However for parcels I think you are being a little unreasonable. Could you get a key for her flat anyway, and just use it to pop parcels inside straight away so you don't have to think about it?

Gliblet · 09/01/2025 17:22

Definitely suggest they fit a keysafe. No-ones asking you to take responsibility for the quality of the work carried out, just to let people in, but if you have other commitments you need to prioritise then it's absolutely fair enough to make them aware of that and remind them that fitting a keysafe will mean anyone, including emergency services, maintenance etc can get in safely and securely even when neither you or your neighbour are in.

When it comes to taking in parcels, how many are we talking about? Again, if she's away for months at a time and you're worried about them piling up then it's fine to say no as long as you don't expect others to do these kinds of favours for you.

peppermintgreengrass · 09/01/2025 17:30

Repairs: fair enough, agree about the keysafe.

Parcels: YABVU.

Yamyamabroad · 09/01/2025 17:34

A keysafe won't work as the HA won't enter unless a tenant or representative is there in case they get accused of stealing. The HA shouldn't ask you either, your neighbour should if she wants it. Just say no if you don't want to do it.

Original poster
AmITheURNeighbour · 09/01/2025 17:36

Gliblet · 09/01/2025 17:22

Definitely suggest they fit a keysafe. No-ones asking you to take responsibility for the quality of the work carried out, just to let people in, but if you have other commitments you need to prioritise then it's absolutely fair enough to make them aware of that and remind them that fitting a keysafe will mean anyone, including emergency services, maintenance etc can get in safely and securely even when neither you or your neighbour are in.

When it comes to taking in parcels, how many are we talking about? Again, if she's away for months at a time and you're worried about them piling up then it's fine to say no as long as you don't expect others to do these kinds of favours for you.

@Gliblet I have taken parcels for her before and they've sat in my house for 4 or 5 months before being collected there was 4 or 5 some where quite big, I have no way of contacting her and if she's in hospital with her child I'd feel bad contacting her about that anyway.

I am happy to be told I am UR though with the parcels and will talk to the housing officer next time I see him about a better way of sorting that out - maybe there's a compromise of a safe place i.e. shed etc I can leave them if I take them.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 09/01/2025 17:37

Christmasgiraffe · 09/01/2025 17:21

Yes, you're unreasonable

This

Original poster
AmITheURNeighbour · 09/01/2025 17:38

Yamyamabroad · 09/01/2025 17:34

A keysafe won't work as the HA won't enter unless a tenant or representative is there in case they get accused of stealing. The HA shouldn't ask you either, your neighbour should if she wants it. Just say no if you don't want to do it.

@Yamyamabroad I am guessing it's some sort of support package from the HA to the neighbour so maybe they're making an exception? I've been offered an assessment as part of caring for my own child with SN, but didn't take it up.

OP posts:
TequilaNights · 09/01/2025 17:40

I can understand not wanting to hold a key, tell the housing officer to git a keysafe.. but shes asking you because operatives are.not allowed to work in houses alone, so you will be expected to stay the duration too.

but not taking parcels is a bit mean.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/01/2025 17:41

"Housing Association have asked me a couple of times now (via the housing officer) if I would keep hold of a key and they’d let me know when repairs where needed for the neighbours house and I can just let them in."
No, they need to find another way to see to this.

"Similarly neighbour has asked me to take and keep hold of parcels because she has no-one else, no family, and very few friends."
I would do that for her. If you think they are going to be sitting in your hall for ages, ("she and the child ... disappear for months at a time") then discuss it with her - maybe agree to you holding a spare key to pop it into her house.

Maybe consider befriending her too? I suspect both of you would benefit from that.

"I have enough to be dealing with in my own life and DCs without having to think about someone else and another house."
I really don't think taking in the occasional parcel takes up very much headspace. YABU here. It's a small thing to you that could make a big difference for her. Be kind.

Ineffable23 · 09/01/2025 17:45

Wouldn't you just knock on her door and a) offer the parcels to her and b) ask for her number so you can be in touch?

I do understand not wanting to hold a key though - a key safe sounds like a sensible compromise on that front.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/01/2025 17:46

"I have taken parcels for her before and they've sat in my house for 4 or 5 months before being collected there was 4 or 5 some where quite big, I have no way of contacting her and if she's in hospital with her child I'd feel bad contacting her about that anyway."

"I have no way of contacting her" - Then do the obvious thing and exchange numbers.

"they've sat in my house for 4 or 5 months before being collected"* *- again, do the obvious thing and maybe arrange to keep her spare key, which would allow you to pop these parcels through her door and out of your way. I keep spare keys for a neighbour, she keeps spare keys for me.

user1471538283 · 09/01/2025 17:50

When my lovely neighbour was in hospital National Grid refused to allow me to grant them entry. I don't know how housing associations work and I understand your reservations because you become de facto responsible for her home.

I imagine it's so a housing officer doesn't have to be in attendance.

JessiesJ99 · 09/01/2025 17:51

I would take parcels in but take a mobile number for her so if it's anything big & heavy she can pop over & collect it (make it clear you're not happy to hang on to things for too long). I definitely wouldn't want to take in a neighbour's key though - puts you in a very vulnerable position.

NimmyB · 09/01/2025 17:52

I'd take in occasional parcels, no problem.

I would not feel comfortable being a key holder for repairs or letting people in and out of the property for the same reasons you've described.

spilltheteapot · 09/01/2025 17:56

I don’t think you are being unreasonable on either count. It’s not your responsibility, however difficult her life is.
The HA should put a key safe in, and perhaps if necessary you could know the code to it so that if any parcels do turn up you could put them inside.

Tink3rbell30 · 09/01/2025 18:01

How disgustingly selfish, shame on you. Hope you realise and reconsider

Mrsbloggz · 09/01/2025 18:02

Tricky, it's not likely to be a reciprocal arrangement where you do favours for each other by the sounds of it?

Baital · 09/01/2025 18:08

I don't think you're unreasonable about not wanting the responsibility of letting people into her house.

I would explain the issue about the parcels/ space/ not being collected to the Housing Officer, and see if there's a way round it. Maybe she can give you her number and commit to collecting anything within e.g. a week?

Original poster
AmITheURNeighbour · 09/01/2025 18:24

Thank you everyone, even those who called me selfish, I do get it and feel bad.

Will discuss with the housing officer and see if he has any suggestions, as i would like to help but don't think this is how.

OP posts:
TequilaNights · 09/01/2025 18:28

AmITheURNeighbour · 09/01/2025 18:24

Thank you everyone, even those who called me selfish, I do get it and feel bad.

Will discuss with the housing officer and see if he has any suggestions, as i would like to help but don't think this is how.

Ask if they will fit her a keysafe and a box for her parcel, so if you can take them in, but store them in the box for her?

Chuchoter · 09/01/2025 18:33

No you are not unreasonable .

Having a spare key is a big responsibility and could have legal implications if something goes missing.

I wouldn't take in parcels either as you the have to put up with her cold calling at a time which may be inconvenient to you, getting cross with you if you're out when she called or you having to repeatedly knock her door when you're busy.

It's not being mean to refuse.

She must make other arrangements for her post.

Combustivechicken · 09/01/2025 18:35

Do the HA have master keys for their homes? In ours if we give permission for them to have access to carry out repairs/gas checks etc, if we aren’t going to be in, then they’ll do that, as long as you say you are happy with this. As much as I get on with my neighbours, I’d not want to have to stick around during repairs and like you say, if anything goes missing or the repair is carried out badly, then you might feel very awkward /uncomfortable. If I had room to take in smallish packages I’d do that, but not big ones for months at a time.

LittleRedYarny · 09/01/2025 18:37

I don’t think you’re being selfish on either count really. Especially the letting tradespeople in, this smacks of the HA palming off their obligations to support their tenant on to you to save money.

If it was one or 2 parcels every month you needed to look after for a week then I’d possibly be helpful but if you’re having to keep them for months on end is just crazy annoying and where/how are you expected to store these items?! That would drive me crazy and stress me out.