DSS is scared of his teacher

[Vari757]

Just looking on some advice on the best way to approach this.
My DSS is 8 and he has expressed a few times that he doesn't like his teacher since he started in his new class but ever since Christmas break he has been saying that he is scared of her because she shouts so much and he now doesn't want to go and crying before he goes in.

I've tried to get some more detail on why he doesn't like her or why he thinks she's scary but he just says he doesn't know.

I've spoken to his dad (my DH) and told him I think he should contact the school but we don't have any specifics in order to make a complaint or start any kind of discussion.

What do people think the next steps should be

Leave it to his parents.

He lives with us so anything to do with him is also important to me.

Try and build up your DSS resilience. Talk to him, give him coping strategies, role play.

She is his parent, he may not even have a bio mum about!

Make an appointment to speak to his teacher (with his dad obviously).
you don’t need to say ‘he’s scared of you‘ as that isn’t likely to be the most constructive advice. Try things like, ‘anxious before school’. ‘Cries before school’. Find out from the teacher what he is like in school and make her aware that he is more anxious than average.

This is great advice.

Arsehole comment of the day.

She may not actually be shouting g hut speaking with a loud voice and if you are more softly spoken he just might not recognise it isn't shouting.

I don't think it's a bad idea to try and build up his confidence/resilience, but I also think it would be a good idea to speak to the teacher and just say he's been very anxious about coming in to school, then monitor it for a little while and if things don't improve maybe you could speak to the head.

I'm sorry, are you calling a small child a melt?!

Awful things to say about a child

No, this is the arse hole comment of the day. you sound like a bully.

Some kids are very sensitive to shouting. She may not be shouting but using a louder than usual voice that some kids can perceive as shouting.

I'd tell school he's feeling worried!

Ignore makkapakka. Sounds like a dick.

Agree.

Unfortunately there's a lot of them about.

honestly just ignore it step mums can not do they from doing wrong on mums net.
I am my step child parent and if I didn’t do anything for him he wouldn’t have anyone 🥰🥰 keep advocating for him

Honestly how would you know? I work in a school and while 99% of the teachers are wonderful we’ve had two that were horrible fits for the job, shouty and mean. Students told me they felt bullied and wanted to basically facilitate a mediation with the teacher and I thought for sure they were probably over exaggerating and then I sat in the meeting and she was in fact mean and a giant bully and these kids were ten.

I think speaking to the year group lead, deputy head or similar would be best. I’m a senior leader in a school and would want to know so I can monitor and support.

I genuinely cannot believe you typed that out. He’s a child, and telling someone to ‘’man up’’ actually does nothing to build resilience. Resilience is built by the knowledge you have support when needed, and help to develop healthy reasoning and coping skills. Your views are outdated and you sound like an arsehole.

Meeting with teacher and head, definitely. I arrived early when DC was in reception to hear a teacher absolutely SCREAMING at him for stepping out of line. He had just turned four. I took him out of the school. Another parent at the school had a child who developed an anxious blink and stutter. Treatment like this is really bad for kids especially when it causes them serious distress.

My eldest was no delicate snowflake. When he was about 9 he had a teacher who frequently shouted at his class - you could hear him bellowing throughout the school. My son did find it quite frightening. We moved him from the school for a number of reaons.

I understand the teacher was supposedly a bit distraught and surprised that one of his pupils was scared of him but he didn't apparently stop the behaviour. The only time he apparently stopped according to my son was when the school inspectors were on site. I think children should respect their teachers but not be frightened of them.

I grew up in the 70s and 80s and wasn’t scared of any of my teachers. None of the first or middle school teachers shouted, though.

I’m not talking about the odd raised voice to be heard over a racket, I’m talking about shouting as a way to tell off or intimidate.

Kids find adults who shout scary. And it’s as bad for kids as corporal punishment
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/oct/02/shouting-at-children-can-be-as-damaging-as-physical-or-sexual-abuse-study-says

There are a couple of threads on MN at the moment that suggest primary schools have really lost their way with discipline and teacher’s hands are tied, so I can understand why some might be at the end of their tether. But shouting is not the answer.

I would not go in with the idea of complaining, more of investigation. This is a change in focus and might be a better approach. Perhaps you could ask for an appointment with the head teacher stating that you are concerned re your child, and outline what he has said to you. This will give them a chance to investigate before organising a meeting to discuss things.