Cannot cope with 14 month old

[bethanymo]

I have a 14 month old son and I am so depressed and I literally cannot cope with life anymore.

Since September he has woken up constantly in the night when before he would go bed at 7:30pm.
Now he stays up until 3am and barely sleeps.

He will only really eat pasta, yogurt, dhal, hummous, strawberries, the occasional veg and pita bread.

He refuses to drink water from a cup so I have to spoon feed him water as well as still offering him 3 bottles a day and offering him 3 meals.

I will spend hours researching new recipes for him to cook but 95% of the time he will refuse to eat or take a spoonful and spit it all over me.
When before he would eat anything and had such a good appetite, he is very picky now. The only thing he wolfs down is pasta and yogurt.

He used to love eating Ready Brek with banana but now he cries if I offer this to him.

I am exhausted.
I get about 3 hours of broken sleep a day and I do all the cooking, cleaning, and general parenting.

The partner sperm donor does very little.
I have not had a day to myself since he was born whilst the sperm donor has had had plenty of weekends away and time for himself.

I really am fed up and miserable.
I know this sounds awful but I really regret having a child.

I also have various health issues now which are quite concerning, I.e unexplained bruising and lower back pain and I have blood test at 9:15 today and a colonoscopy next week which I am really worried about.

I used to be relatively healthy before having my son but now I feel cold all the time, have dry eyes/infections a lot, it's just one thing after another.

I have considered adoption as I am just so depressed, i feel awful for even thinking/ writing is but I can't imagine doing this for another 17 years and I am literally a single parent.

I just don't know what to do.
Any help/ advice would be much appreciated.

Give him the pasta and yoghurt. Try and expand his diet in the future- it's really not worth getting worked up over. Get some multivitamin drops.

Do you have family support?

If not look into paid childcare even just 1 day a week.

You need a break OP.

@b12345678

The only person available is partner sister who could have him one day a week but waiting to hear on her schedule as she works 2 jobs.

I am so exhausted, it is so hard.
I don't even have time to shower some days and even now he is up playing, I am bursting to go to the toilet but I can't.

I give him the orange multi vitamins.

I would like to send him to nursery ideally but partner is against it because of the horror stories.

I was adamant I didn't want him to go nursery but this was before.

Nursery?

Don't spend a lot of time cooking. Serve what works introduce new thing along the road.
Give him a sippy cup. Stop water spoon feeding.
Most children are like this at his age fussing over food.

Talk to your HV or GP. You might need support for a depression.

Not his choice!

I have tried to blue Doidy cup and he just uses it as a teether.

I have tried a lot of cups,TumTum, Munchkin Sippy cup, Nuby Incredible Gulp Water, they all end up as teethers or on the floor.

I get worried about him getting dehydrated as he refuses liquid based foods such as custard and jelly
.
I have quite a good relationship with my HV and she is very friendly and nice, I don't want her to think I'm a terrible mother.

Help him with the cup. Be firm. Teach him to use it.

She won't think that. She will try to help and support you.
Talk to your GP.

Spoon feeding water is ridiculous!
Surely a thirsty child will drink normally?
My son ( now grown) used to have a “sippy cup” with a spout that he did chew ( we never used bottles) and he’d hurl the cup down when it was empty.
He had a love for “warm “ water from the kettle- which was a bit unpleasant seeming to me.

”Want it warm!” If it was cold, it would get thrown on the floor.
The old sippy cups were great in they they didn’t leak - But they were definitely chewed.
Still got one as a souvenir from baby days!

Speak to your health visitor, she won’t think you are a bad mum.

Don’t stress over food, either.

You sound exhausted and a bit depressed.

Single mum here take him to the bathroom with you or pop him in a safe space and go to the toilet and share baths together it's doing whatever works for you guys and that's different for everyone, aslong as he's eating give him what you know he will eat on his plate and maybe offer different foods for him to try off of your plate maybe try putting a dim light on and settling down with him with a book tonight have you spoken to your partner about him parenting more or how your feeling?

He's finally just dropped of after playing in his nursery.
I buy him so many toys to keep him entertained, take him for long walks but he still hardly ever sleeps.

I love my son so much but I am exhausted, and partner thinks because he gives me money and goes out doing the shopping and getting whatever we need that is enough.

He believes a man should work and a woman stays at home looking after the kids.

I will try offering warm water from one of the cups tomorrow.
Spoon feeding water seems the only way he will drink any water.

I will call my HV and ask her to come round as I just don't know what I am doing wrong.

OP i’m sorry you feel this way. Have you seen a Dr about DS struggling with his eating and drinking. I had a terrible time with my DD’s eating, drinking and reflux issues and felt like you did. She’s 3 now and she’s my whole world. Please don’t give up and seek help for him and for your mental health.

Ah OP it is hard at this age. I have a 16 month old. She used to sleep 12 hours but recently the last 8 weeks she seems to be having a sleep regression. I get 3-4 hours broken sleep in the night and feel like a zombie most days. She also doesn’t drink water from any kind of cup herself. She will accept a sip of apple juice in an open cup but it’s a battle. Hang in there.

Gonna get flamed, but put him to bed at 8pm and do some crying out method.

You need to start the night time routine again, going back to basics with dinner, bath, story, bed. Give him a cuddle and put him down in his room to sleep and leave. If he starts to cry give it 3 minutes and come back in, don't pick him up just soothe him by touching his hair and ssssusshing, put your hand on his chest to calm him. Once he's started to calm, leave the room again. It will take a good few times of repeating that process, but you are teaching them that - this is bedtime and you can't be picked up and paraded around the house until 3am when you decide to sleep.

If he wakes in the night, go in and give him a snuggle- change his nappy if its wet, offer him a water to drink or a bottle of milk if he's still liking that. Then lay him down and leave the room. Be practical and if he went to sleep at 8pm; I'd say once it's 4.30am that it, you've got to be getting up!

Do the same thing with nap times. Try and establish a routine such as - breakfast, playing then once X programme on Ceebeebies comes on, you snuggle up on your lap and watch that then it's nap time. My son used to know that once Rastamouse came on, it was time to grab his dummy and blanket and cuddle me, then expected his nap. Although he was slightly older then.

For the water, agree with others - persevere with it, he will drink if thirsty. Maybe you can pour a tiny tiny bit of sugar free blackcurrant squash into his cup? He might love the taste and it will make him drink it more willingly. As far as fussiness goes, stick to the foods he will eat - but every time you have something, give him some too, so you aren't going out of your way to exhaust yourself making flipping baby foods.

Sending love - remember, if you were a shit mum, you wouldn't be worrying and tearing yourself up over this. You wouldn't care at all!

Give him a cup with a straw for water and try the open cup again once you’ve calmed down a bit. My son was 2 before he could drink out of an open top cup (nursery helped with that massively).

and I agree re. Just give him what he likes for now. Messy play with fruit etc and no pressure to eat it can help them accept new foods or eating things in front of him that you want him to eat… my son will often eat new things off our plate but not his own.

i did everything by the book by making purees and recipes from scratch and he accepted them as a baby hit toddler stage and rejected a lot of foods but hes starting to come out of the other end again.

hang in there. This stage where they’re just starting to walk is knackering too but it gets slowly easier.

I hear you.

Your little guy sounds like my second. Rubbish sleeper, refused to drink water (like you we tried everything), also highly active during the day.

We ended up getting a sleep consultant and after a tricky week or so, his sleep improved enormously. It turns out he’ll drink water happily at nursery, but we’d ended up giving it to him in a Calpol syringe. We also got him a Sistema sports bottle (with a twisty cap - like his brothers) that he will drink from. It’s so frustrating.

Both mine needed a lot of physical exercise, but also would get hyper stimulated when they get over tired, which means the more they need sleep the more they would refuse it.

But your biggest problem is your partner. He needs to pull his weight. Or support you in finding a nursery/childminder so you can have a break.

It’s a tough age: lots of work physically and mentally, but it does get easier — get yourself all the support you can in the meantime.

Ps I really recommend the tum tum straw cups!

Your son might not like warm water- my son was the only one of his friends ( as toddlers) who liked warm water( think tepid)

You sound a conscientious mum, and I remember in desperation saying to my health visitor that I was so tired I could think straight.

She was lovely.

My husband too ( now ex!) was also very traditional.

You can take your little one into the bathroom with you when you need the loo, and also as others have said have a bath or shower with him.

My friend used to cook nutritious meals for her son, and he’d refuse them- She learned to relax and feed him spaghetti hoops instead- which he loved!
Both our kids are young men now, and before you know it, your little boy will be towering above you- and you will think nostalgically of baby days

It is hard, Young kids are quite hard work.

Have you tried sleep training OP? I think everything would seem better if you were getting more sleep.

@bethanymo The long walks are great!
He will hugely benefit from these. (Mental stimulation as well as physical activity , even if he sits in his buggy for some of the outings.

Aww op you're just exhausted

I was the same with dd - shes 5 now. I'm on my own, no family, it was HARD

Pp have said it all but don't be so fixated on how things 'should be done' and focus on getting through each day.

Let him eat pasta etc and sleep in bed with you. Tell your husband that either he pulls his weight or you're leaving because you can't cope with things like this

One day at a time. Soon he'll be at school and you'll have some space xx

You've already had loads of great advice but I wanted to say please don't worry about expanding his food groups right now. He's at a fussy age where he only wants to put safe things in his mouth - he's being sensible the best he knows how. But he's got some things he'll eat, including fruit, so all is not lost.

I really do empathise - mine frustrated me so so much with food refusal. In the end, I had to accept carefully prepared meals weren't the answer. He wasn't eating them and tbh, it hurt my feelings to have food I'd lovingly made rejected. My best success was with plates with small varieties of things. I also hand fed for longer than I'd like to admit but it was easier at the time and he grew out of it.

I second everyone who suggested using a nursery for a few hours a week. You are entitled to free 11 hours a week spread over the whole year or 15 hours a week during term time only.
MY DC is a similar age and sending them to nursery (and me being back at work) improved my mental health massively. My partner is very hands on but me being on MAT leave, meant me carrying most of the burden of childcare which I found exhausting. start looking at local nurseries, arrange visits and go for one that you feel comfortable with.
And regarding food- mine is incredibly fussy and just today I have read that around that age it is very start and stop with food.

Partner doesn't get a say whilst he's being less than useless. Are his naps consistent

Nursery would not only give you some much needed time but also potentially help him with his development with things like eating and drinking (it also might not) and could even help with sleep as they are usually exhausted after a day there. Do you know any other mums who might recommend a nursery? It you don’t then do some research on local nursery ratings or even look at a childminder x

If their wake cycles have changed significantly, could this be a sign that there's an airway issue? Do they snore or sleep with their mouth open? Perhaps they're not getting the right amount of o2 to the brain which is waking them up at night? Possibly allergies, enlarged tonsils etc.
And if they're quite fussy with swallow this could also be a sign.
Take baby to a dentist and get an ent referral. Rule out any issues and then look for a babysitter who can come round whilst your home and hold the baby whilst you sleep.