Christmas guests drama

[ThelittleBee]

Had two couples staying with me and DH over Christmas, as like last year. One of the couples this year spent the entirety of Christmas day, Boxing day and the day after in full meltdown having arguments, crying, storming out on each other (we are all 30's). They flew in from a different country to join us so its not like they could just go home. They went away for a few days to visit family and all seemed good until they returned for a BBQ and then continued to spend the evening in a deep and very teary conversation in the front room while DH was outside cooking, resulting in us eating alone while she cryed and he looked awkward in the front room. They have had a stressful time since recently moving overseas with finding good work, housing and establishing themselves but AIBU to think that they should have known better then to bring that drama into a very busy very public Christmas with around 12 guests. I did ask if she/ he was ok and needed anything but they just kept saying they will be fine just needed to talk to each other. I cant help but feel I have been on eggshells in my own home for the last few weeks and although they apologized when leaving, it feels like my time off with friends has been ruined by their drama and inability to have these dramas back home or not in front of a group of people trying to enjoy the holidays! AIBU? Should I bring this up to friend as they are expecting to see us in a month when we go to visit our family in the country they now live and I feel like I don't want to spend more time going over the same things again?

Of course YANBU. I couldn’t be doing with that.

I wouldn't let them stay again. Give them a link to Airbnb. No I wouldn't mention it to them again but if it kicks off when you see them just leave.

"It seems like you guys need some time to work through whatever you've got going on, so we think it's best we don't impose on you when we're back in <country>. We'll catch up next time."

Sorry a bit confused. Will you stay with them soon? And do you want to talk with them about their visit at Christmas or do you want to talk with another friend?

Presumably you are not staying with them so if the drama starts when you are visiting them just make your excuses and leave. I don’t think there is much point wasting energy rehashing what happened with them, just don’t invite them to stay at yours again and be honest if they ask why.

No we are visiting family but they want to meet up. Just feel like so much of my time has been taken already trying to navigate hosting a big celebration amongst a feud.

Yes, I would mention it. And never ever ever host them again.

Could you not have asked them to go to a hotel? Just tell them it doesn’t suit you to meet up at this time and be honest (that they massively stressed you out at xmas) if they ask why…and don’t invite them to stay again as they were bad guests.

I would have asked them to leave on day 1. Appalling behaviour - they should be ashamed at putting you in such a terrible position.

I would let them know that you found it difficult spending time with them when they visited and that you will hopefully see them at some point soon, but not during this trip

Yes I would be crystal clear that their behaviour in your home was appalling and seriously compromised your hard needed xmas break and was disrespectful to you, your hospitality and your other guests. Say you dont want to revisit it now so will not visit when in the country.

They've already apologised. What else do you want from them that you think re-raising it will achieve?

Just decline meeting up when they next suggest it. You should have said something in the moment, what’s done is done now.

I wouldn't raise it again with them - what's the point. Just tell them that unfortunately you are absolutely booked for your whole trip to see family. So sorry maybe we'll see you next time.

I have no time for people who let their drama take over public spaces and friends' lives and events. But couldn't be bothered to confront either - what would be the point of it.

It is bad behaviour but if something had happened like she’s discovered he’s being having an affair I could understand that she couldn’t just pretend to be okay.

I wouldn’t bring it up again because what’s done is done but they wouldn’t be invited again lol.

Personal lives are complicated but you shouldn’t put that on other people, especially around Christmas. Work it out (or don’t) quietly.

I wouldn't be meeting up with them when you are visiting family. You have surely had more than enough of them and their shenanigans over Christmas. I would be telling them that you will be so busy catching up with family that you won't have time to see them.

Their behaviour was appalling, but I don't see any point in telling them that, sounds like they already know. I wouldn't be inviting them next Christmas though.

I would avoid them like the plague. Seriously.
You won’t have to explain why, will you.
Just stay away from them.
Otherwise, you’re creating drama over the drama and that doesn’t make any sense.

Can be fixed with simple, firm and direct communication. Can tell from your message that you are very polite and mindful of other people's feelings. By the same token you've got to have boundaries.

It would be misdirected if you worried about their feelings by calling a spade a spade given that they have trampled roughshod all over your hospitatlity by using your home as a film set for their dramas.

Also, it's unfortunate, your guests appear to be of the ilk who act out their histrionics in public to attract attention and sympathy. In other words, you're being used.

Be clear and firm. They're welcome at your home, but not the drama. If they disappear after this then they weren't worth having as friends in the first place.

I don't have much patience for this type of thing, so I'd make an excuse to avoid them. Tell them you need to prioritise seeing your family, don't have the time to spare, or whatever else you please. They shouldn't be surprised that you're not eager to see them again so soon after they tainted your Christmas celebrations.

How on earth did you manage to not tell them to get the fuck out to a hotel?

Their behaviour was utterly pig ignorant. Why on earth would you want anything to do with them when they show that level of disrespect?

It sounds like they are really up against it.

If they are good friends and they are always like this why did you invite them?

If they are good friends and this is unusual then a little compassion might be in order?

Maybe they want to explain or make up for what happened. I wouldn’t go out of the way to meet up but would do it if it suited you and especially if it was out of character for them.

I would find it very hard to let this go. Time off is precious, and at Xmas even more so, I would have little patience with anyone bringing all this drama to my door and spoiling my holidays. At the very least I would be taking a break from them, and I would tell them why.

I wouldn’t be rushing to meet up with them again for a very long time if ever.

That would be the last time they stayed with me at Christmas. If they ask, simply explain you’ve only limited holiday and Christmas has been ruined through drama twice.

with the upcoming holiday just explain that you can’t bear any more arguments so will pass. You’ve only got limited holiday and need to enjoy it.