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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to meet me at the airport?

53 replies

Burritowrap · 05/01/2025 19:20

Bf and I have been together for over a year.
For xmas, we flew to visit our families seperately for 3/4 weeks.
I flew back home yesterday, it was a 24 hour journey. I had heavy luggage and needed to pick up my pet on the way home.
I have asked him several times to meet me at the airport, I dont know why but it makes me feel cared for and I am excited to see him after a month, but he never has. Bearing in mind it takes 20 mins on the train for a pound!
Yesterday, he said he couldnt come to meet me as he did not have time. He had work to do, I know he went on a night out whilst I was flying and was too hungover to bother.
Ive told him I am hurt and he has now come back with that I am unsupportive of his work!

OP posts:
OtterlyMad · 05/01/2025 20:09

He can’t be arsed to do something that would make you very happy, for the sake of 40 min round trip costing £1? I’m sorry but it sounds like he’s just not that into you.

needhelpwiththisplease · 05/01/2025 20:16

Do you mean to pick you up or to literally get the train to be stood there when you arrive?

If it's the latter, then Yabu

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 05/01/2025 20:19

Pick you up in the car, or get public transport to accompany you on the journey?

And was this within working hours?

BendingSpoons · 05/01/2025 20:19

It's not 40 mins though is it? It's getting to the station, waiting for the train, getting the train, waiting at the airport which can take a while depending on how long it takes you to get through and collect luggage, waiting for the train back, stopping to get your pet.

DH would think this was pretty pointless and it would be better to see me when I was back. He would probably be ready to greet me at home with a home cooked meal instead. It would be different if I needed help e.g. needed picking up.

Pineapplewaves · 05/01/2025 20:28

He was on a night out the night before and was too hung over to meet you at the airport - not unreasonable, you were away visiting friends and family, he got home before you and was entitled to go out with his friends.

You would have every right to be upset if you had previously arranged for him to collect you in the car and he didn't but it sounds like he doesn’t drive/own a car?

You should have arranged to collect the pet the next day and just concentrated on getting yourself and your luggage home first.

Ablondiebutagoody · 05/01/2025 21:01

So he catches a train to the airport, hangs around for ages and then you both catch a train home? If so, that sounds like a massive waste of time. I wouldn't do it.

changecandles · 05/01/2025 21:33

Ablondiebutagoody · 05/01/2025 21:01

So he catches a train to the airport, hangs around for ages and then you both catch a train home? If so, that sounds like a massive waste of time. I wouldn't do it.

She had heavy luggage and needed to pick up a pet on the way home.

Jeez some people have a low bar. I wouldn't even have to ask. My dh would of course be there

Ablondiebutagoody · 05/01/2025 22:01

changecandles · 05/01/2025 21:33

She had heavy luggage and needed to pick up a pet on the way home.

Jeez some people have a low bar. I wouldn't even have to ask. My dh would of course be there

Show quote history

Packing luggage that you can't carry is ridiculous. My OH would be on his own with that. Pick up the pet the following day.

Dweetfidilove · 05/01/2025 22:12

I don't think YABU. I'm always picking up or getting picked up. It's part of caring for and/or missing the person who's gone away.

BlueSky2024 · 09/01/2025 19:02

Dweetfidilove · 05/01/2025 22:12

I don't think YABU. I'm always picking up or getting picked up. It's part of caring for and/or missing the person who's gone away.

But he’s not picking her up, he is going to meet her, she would be doing the same journey with or without him
I personally think it’s a very needy request, she has repeatedly asked him (why?) and he has repeatedly told her he can’t
If someone asked me to make a pointless journey to the airport I wouldn’t be very pleased about it either, thankfully no one ever has

wherewasit · 09/01/2025 19:14

This has really made me think.

I've realised generally if a bf (hypothetical as currently single so that may influence) wanted me to pick up up at the airport I would think "waste of my time and money, can't be arsed, get a cab, you are an adult get yourself home".

Thinking about it more, I realised that if either of my parents (older) were arriving at an airport alone, I'd go to pick them up or offer without being asked. Equally, they would probably offer to pick me up in your situation without being asked.

My conclusion is this is about love and affection and care.

I'm obviously not suited to a relationship because apparently the only people I care about are my parents. 😮

It's hard to say in your case OP. I do think generally it's not unreasonable to expect an adult to sort themselves out - so I wouldn't ask a bf to "meet me" but then I'd be irritated if I was expected to do that myself and couldn't be arsed.

but if he has a car and you are talking about him picking you up (as opposed to as others have said just accompanying you on public transport), I think it's fair enough to ask him. If it's just for the sake of it to hold your hand on public transport, then you've watched Love Actually too much and are being unreasonable.

Summerlovin24 · 09/01/2025 20:18

OtterlyMad · 05/01/2025 20:09

He can’t be arsed to do something that would make you very happy, for the sake of 40 min round trip costing £1? I’m sorry but it sounds like he’s just not that into you.

This I'm afraid
Should be excited to see you after a month

74Violette · 10/01/2025 06:41

If it's a journey just to get the train home with you then YABU, I wouldn't have asked. Airports are a big faff and it doesn't make much sense for him to be there.

Surely it would be best to collect your pet once you've taken your luggage home.

CouldItBeAnyMoreObvious · 10/01/2025 07:41

Burritowrap · 05/01/2025 19:20

Bf and I have been together for over a year.
For xmas, we flew to visit our families seperately for 3/4 weeks.
I flew back home yesterday, it was a 24 hour journey. I had heavy luggage and needed to pick up my pet on the way home.
I have asked him several times to meet me at the airport, I dont know why but it makes me feel cared for and I am excited to see him after a month, but he never has. Bearing in mind it takes 20 mins on the train for a pound!
Yesterday, he said he couldnt come to meet me as he did not have time. He had work to do, I know he went on a night out whilst I was flying and was too hungover to bother.
Ive told him I am hurt and he has now come back with that I am unsupportive of his work!

Your Great Expectations of this relationship are clearly not going to be fulfilled.
Why would you expect someone who is working to drop everything to schlep to an airport, pay for car-park, use petrol, deal with the hoards, just to save you a 20 minute journey andxa quid?
So high maintenance; save your excitement at seeing him for an extra 20 mins aand have a private reunion at home.

name1234noidea · 10/01/2025 08:03

I must have a low bar but I just couldn't be arsed doing this for someone. 40 min round trip to sit on a train with someone just seems like a waste of time to me.

crumpet · 10/01/2025 08:11

Why did you ask him several times? Surely only once is needed, with a yes or now answer? Several times” sounds as if it could be a bit suffocating .

XWKD · 10/01/2025 08:16

I wouldn't ask him. It would sound like a test of some sort.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/01/2025 08:24

wherewasit · 09/01/2025 19:14

This has really made me think.

I've realised generally if a bf (hypothetical as currently single so that may influence) wanted me to pick up up at the airport I would think "waste of my time and money, can't be arsed, get a cab, you are an adult get yourself home".

Thinking about it more, I realised that if either of my parents (older) were arriving at an airport alone, I'd go to pick them up or offer without being asked. Equally, they would probably offer to pick me up in your situation without being asked.

My conclusion is this is about love and affection and care.

I'm obviously not suited to a relationship because apparently the only people I care about are my parents. 😮

It's hard to say in your case OP. I do think generally it's not unreasonable to expect an adult to sort themselves out - so I wouldn't ask a bf to "meet me" but then I'd be irritated if I was expected to do that myself and couldn't be arsed.

but if he has a car and you are talking about him picking you up (as opposed to as others have said just accompanying you on public transport), I think it's fair enough to ask him. If it's just for the sake of it to hold your hand on public transport, then you've watched Love Actually too much and are being unreasonable.

In your defence (m'lud) you would meet your parents because they are older, a bit slower or deafer, and the airport is a chaotic environment, and then public transport is confusing...you feel protective of them. Maybe you just wouldn't find needing you to protect him to be a desirable trait in a man? I probably wouldn't, unevolved as I am.

UnwantedOpinionBelow · 10/01/2025 08:25

changecandles · 05/01/2025 21:33

She had heavy luggage and needed to pick up a pet on the way home.

Jeez some people have a low bar. I wouldn't even have to ask. My dh would of course be there

Show quote history

My husband would offer before I had to ask too however, he drives and may be less willing to get train to meet me. Id I asked he would definitely meet me even if it meant getting train.

lostinthememory · 10/01/2025 08:28

YANBU.

This is the bare minimum after a 24 hour flight.

Kiitos · 10/01/2025 08:32

100% agree with @wherewasit
I’d offer to collect a friend or family member if I was available to do so, cos I like to help the people I care about.
But I would also make my own way home, bags and all, if it was going to be an inconvenience for them to collect me.
So I guess the question is, how much do you feel he wasn’t coming cos he doesn’t care? Cos that’s probably the crux of it.

3rdCoffeeThisMorning · 10/01/2025 08:32

Yeah, I wouldn't be doing this round train trip (especially in this weather) even for DH, let alone boyfriend who organisws himself oddly.
Car would be a different matter though.

BettyBardMacDonald · 10/01/2025 08:36

Ablondiebutagoody · 05/01/2025 21:01

So he catches a train to the airport, hangs around for ages and then you both catch a train home? If so, that sounds like a massive waste of time. I wouldn't do it.

This. I can't imagine asking anyone to inconvenience themselves in this manner. How needy.

OnTheJourneyOnwards · 10/01/2025 08:37

After a month apart, I'd also expect the same to be fair.

Previous boyfriends even flew a 9 hour flight to see me for a week when I'd been away for a month or two.

That's love. Real love.

My husband used to travel 2 hours one way to just meet me for a date. And he did that for two years every two weeks!

That's dedication.

If I was coming home off a plane, he'd be the one to suggest that he come and meet me and carry my luggage for me.

The boyfriends I've had that didn't do things like pick me up from the airport, also had habits like not texting me back, cancelling dates, texting rather than calling (I love an old fashioned phone call!), being late or standing me up, being evasive about where he was, not really doing anything romantic, making dates as cheap as possible (and mostly about sex rather than quality time), and cheating, sadly. If you see any of those other habits, he's not that into you. Run. It's not worth the emotional heartache.

TotalDramarama24 · 10/01/2025 08:39

OP if this is indicative of his general attitude towards you then maybe get rid of this one for the new year. You've already gone a month without him so just carry it on.

Unless he is a surgeon or something he could certainly have taken a couple of hours off work to meet you. He should be excited to see you as soon as possible after a month apart and only needed to take a quick train to make you happy and help with your luggage.