To ask him to meet me at the airport?

[Burritowrap]

Bf and I have been together for over a year.
For xmas, we flew to visit our families seperately for 3/4 weeks.
I flew back home yesterday, it was a 24 hour journey. I had heavy luggage and needed to pick up my pet on the way home.
I have asked him several times to meet me at the airport, I dont know why but it makes me feel cared for and I am excited to see him after a month, but he never has. Bearing in mind it takes 20 mins on the train for a pound!
Yesterday, he said he couldnt come to meet me as he did not have time. He had work to do, I know he went on a night out whilst I was flying and was too hungover to bother.
Ive told him I am hurt and he has now come back with that I am unsupportive of his work!

You obviously have deeper problems as you are 'testing' him here. Asking him several times to do something and basing how 'cared for' you feel on that.

If it's only a 20 min train ride, why on earth do you need him to come and meet you? You've got your luggage from the other side of the world to the UK, so you can get it home. Drop the luggage and collect the pet afterwards. Or maybe he could collect the pet for you - that would be a much better use of his time.

I read it as she's asked him several times over the course of their relationship but he has never done it, rather than several times for this particular journey.

In that case I agree with a previous poster that it is a bit Love Actually. Lovely to have, and maybe with banners and balloons etc for the full insta feel, but if it’s not spontaneous then it’s not worth the effort to make him come, is it?

I think yabu. I wouldn't particularly want to get the train to meet someone at the airport just to then get the train home with them, seems like a lot of faff. You have flown 24 hours, you can do the last 20 minutes journey.

Different if I was picking them up in my car, I would do that but not just to accompany them on a train.

I think its pretty needy asking him to meet you.

It's never once crossed my mind to meet someone at an airport or to ask them to meet me. It seems utterly pointless. It's just a routine part of travel logistics that I just want to get through quickly, which I can do easily enough, why would I need someone to hold my hand through it? I would find another adult who needed my presence there to be quite pathetic.

You're also ensuring that one of you has to wait around for no reason - either they get there early to make sure they're not late or you have to wait for your pickup. There's so much uncertainty about the times of flights landing, delays, queues (or lack of) getting through passport control... it's just a load of faff to impose on someone.

It's much more thoughtful and romantic for your partner to get a lovely meal ready for you when you actually get back home - DP always does this when I've been away for work.

Another thread example of adults acting like children that still need mummy and daddy to help them… take some personal responsibility ffs

So, you managed an oversized heavy luggage both on your outward journey of 24 hours and back again for 24 hours and are narky that he wouldn't meet you for the final 20 minutes of your journey? Hmmm....

I've traveled 2 hours by train to meet dp off a plane before, who only flew with hand luggage and was away for 4 days, but I didn't have any work commitments, wasn't hungover and it was a surprise for him.

Several demands with disproportionate expectations would really make me dig my heels in.

He's just not that into you.

He doesn't give a damn about you does he? You need to think hard about this relationship. I'm sure you deserve so much better than this sort of behaviour.

Unless he is a surgeon or something he could certainly have taken a couple of hours off work to meet you
Or HMRC tax staff in January😂

Picking up/meeting- same principle.
When you're in love you do things you wouldn't normally, so you can spend time together.
I hate neediness too, but when I last dated many moons ago, I enjoyed time spent on a train chatting or staring out a window. The excitement of going to meet my lover at the airport/after work, etc. Everyone's just so busy, rigid and scheduled now that every activity must be productive or have a distinct purpose 🥱.
What's a pointless journey for you isn't for someone else, so it may be that this isn't the OP's person. She may need someone who's less busy/more spontaneous/enjoys pointless activities.

I agree asking several times is a bit much. If he doesn't want to come, there's no point harassing him. Just find someone who enjoys that kinda thing.

I don't think the issue is that one of you is right or wrong, but that you are mismatched in this regard. My partner would come and meet me without being asked if we'd had time apart which is sweet, my ex wouldn't have even if I asked because to him this sort of thing wasn't part of his love language (which is fine). I have friends who would find it unnecessary to be met at the airport whereas I love it.

Picking up vs meeting isn't the same at all!

I'd pick up DH at the airport (30 min drive) or train station (7 min drive) at the drop of a hat (although TBC a taxi from the airport only costs £20- £25, so both of us would probably just say we'd do that instead), but would I make the journey there to meet him if it involved both of us travelling back on a train - no!

You say it's a 20 minute journey (costing £1 - I'm guessing you're not in the UK?!), but realistically he's got to get to the train, leave enough time for travel, and some time at the station, then go on the train having planned his arrival there to make sure he's there before you, then some inevitable hanging around waiting for you to come through, then a wait for the train home, the train itself, and the journey home from the station. I can't see it taking less than 2hrs unless all the times match up by some miracle, and there is absolutely no hanging/waiting around or contingency built in.

I wouldn't say that was good use of 2hrs of anyone's time. I'd ask him instead if he'd go and collect the cat/dog/hamster/budgie from its boarding.

I didn't quote cost, but again, different strokes for different folks.
I have no cat or dog that needs picking up, so not something I need to consider.

leave enough time for travel, and some time at the station, then go on the train having planned his arrival there to make sure he's there before you, then some inevitable hanging around waiting for you to come through, then a wait for the train home, the train itself, and the journey home from the station. I can't see it taking less than 2hrs unless all the times match up by some miracle, and there is absolutely no hanging/waiting around or contingency built in.
Journey planner sorts this out in minutes and I'm not always trying to be logical about what's the most efficient way to spend 2 hours. I'm only thinking about going to meet my lover at the airport- by train or by car. There's much benefit in mindless activities 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Journey planner might sort it out, but it wouldn't make the time any less!

If OP's flight lands at (for argument's sake) 12 noon, longhaul flights often run ahead of schedule, so I'd probably want to be there for 12 in case that was the case.

If it's a big airport, you'd want to allow 15 mins from train arrival to being at arrivals (even at B'ham, you would need to allow that for the monorail). You might be lucky and get a train that arrived at 11.45, but that's unlikely - let's say it arrives at 11.30. That would mean it left at 11.10. You'd want to be on the platform for 11.05, meaning at the station by 11. And then you've got to get to the station - let's say it's a walk of 10 mins (guesswork - OP hasn't said). So you're leaving home at 10.50 latest.

After meeting OP, let's be generous and say the flight lands on time and she's through arrivals soon after 12. Probably the earliest train back is 12.30, getting in at 12.50, home at 1pm (not including the pet collection, so if you add that in, it's going to be 1.15 earliest).

So even with journey planner, and all elements slotting neatly into place, that's 2.5hrs, just to meet OP at the airport. I'd rather DH was at home making a nice meal, baking a cake etc (both of which my DH has done for me when I've been away, and I'd consider much nicer gestures than coming to meet me at the airport!)

If the flight is delayed (possible), and train times don't work out quite as neatly (likely), it's easily taking almost half a day for a momentary gesture. I'd struggle to see the benefit (to anyone) of that.

@Dweetfidilove - I know you didn't quote cost (or have a pet to collect en route), but OP referenced both of those things.

I assume you don’t live together. As to why your pet is being looked after elsewhere.

I think yabu, you went on holiday and can get yourself home

does he really need to leave his home to walk to the train station to get the train to meet you, to get the train to your house then go back home

Picking up someone from the airport is a huge hassle. Factoring in potential flight delays, the time it takes between exiting the aircraft to exiting the airport etc. The airport train station is always a bit of a distance to the arrival terminal. The train journey might be 20 mins but you are not calculating the hours it would take to get there, wait, then return etc. Also of course the time of the day. I would never impose on someone that they must pick me up, especially if I live in that city. I have come home alone with 3 suitcases from long haul flights and it is not some herculean task.

You are being unreasonable and using such an impractical exercise as a demonstration of care. That's not fair on your partner.

Id only ask him if he was off work that day, I only do airport runs for family at the weekend. Get a cab . It’s sounds like you are both on different pages - have you read 5 love languages? It’s a bit corny but it does explain nicely that not everyone demonstrates love the same way.

My bf sometimes offers to come and meet me at the airport. I just think it is aucha waste for him to take public transportation and chill at the airport and then take train home together. I don't even offer. Maybe if he asked i would do it. But he would never ask if I was working that day

How serious is the relationship? To be honest I love my DP to bits but we would both think one of us meeting the other at an airport to be an absolute waste of time. I'm assuming you don't live together otherwise he would already have your pet. I'd much rather meet up after I'd got home, had a shower etc. I think the trainride home would be awfully busy, not the romantic journey you have in mind. Your snip about his night out is a bit off, it's not as if you were even in the country.

My husband would offer, and I'd refuse if it was a straightforward train journey if it was a way of avoiding a long complicated journey, or paying to leave my car parked for weeks, I'd accept.

But I'd expect the offer.

I don't see the big difference between picking someone up using a car and using public transport. In both cases one person takes inconvenience to lower the inconvenience of the other one.
However, using train with too many suitcases I would get myself on board on one side and ask my partner to meet me on the other end.

Maybe it's because I've been solo travelling since I was a kid but I've always thought needing to be picked up at the airport is quite childish. I don't really know why so many competent adults can't manage getting themselves home from an airport.