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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Alcohol and me

31 replies

pandaface680 · 05/01/2025 19:06

Currently taking part in dry January (been active on a few of the threads here) and it's made me think about my relationship with alcohol over the years. Writing this down more for myself, it will probably be a long, boring, self indulgent thread for anyone else reading it but if anyone has any comments or would like to share experiences it would be great.

Started drinking about age 13 in parks with friends because that's just what we did then, mostly cheap nasty cider. Had grown up with parents who took me to the pub and drank heavily at home so it didn't seem abnormal to me and I learnt pretty quickly that booze lowered my inhibitions and got rid of that horrible self conscious teenage anxiety meaning I could say or do what I liked for that period of time. It was great.

Drank heavily throughout my student years especially at university and while I graduated with a good degree I often wonder what more I could have achieved had I not been permanently pissed or hungover.

Had dc in my twenties so settled down a bit but still managed the odd night out when I could and that was classic binge drinking territory. Saw it as an escape and something I deserved once in a while but often took it too far and had the familiar hangxiety and regrets the next day. Calmed down a lot in my thirties and drinking was only at home at the weekends. Then Covid hit and like many people the lack of routine and work meant my drinking went right up to a bottle of wine several nights a week and sometimes gin on top when I became too tolerant of wine on its own.

When we went back to work I scaled it back again but in early 2024 I condensed my hours so instead of working short days mon-fri I did longer days mon-wed. So when everyone else was in the middle of the working week I'd be getting that Friday feeling and having a drink Wednesday night through to the weekend. Still stayed dry on work nights though.

Dh recently became interested in wine and started getting us nice stuff to have with Sunday lunch so although I wasn't drinking at night or waking up hungover on Monday, one of my 'dry days' was no longer so. Then towards the end of 2024 work got stressful and I started having the odd drink on a Tuesday too meaning that my only sober night of the week was a Monday.

With the volume and frequency of my drinking I was averaging about 30 units a week, sometimes more. So I wanted to do dry January to reset my habits because I know I just can't carry on like that for my health.

I'm not a problem drinker. I can have one and stop. I don't get drunk or cause problems for myself or others. I rarely even go out. But I like the way alcohol makes me feel and I don't think I can see a time where I will give it up forever. I do hope this period of abstinence will help me get back to weekend only drinking though.

The fact I've sat and typed this out probably shows I'm giving it way too much headspace and that in itself could be seen as a problem. But I suppose all this dry January stuff has been on my mind and discussing it on here and hearing other peoples stories and struggles has prompted me to think about my own.

Do I sound like a problem drinker? What are other peoples habits and goals? Would love to hear stories.

OP posts:
Injectionstoslim · 05/01/2025 19:11

You’re having twice the recommended max units a week

www.nhs.uk/better-health/drink-less/#:~:text=Alcohol%20guidelines,risk%20of%20harming%20your%20health.

pandaface680 · 05/01/2025 19:12

I was towards the end of the year yes. It wasn't always that way but it did gradually creep up and I recognised that it was very bad for my health.

OP posts:
Putthekettleon73 · 05/01/2025 19:15

Hi OP. I had an odd liver test results when I went for blood tests for anemia in July. And there's been loads in the news about liver disease in women in their 30s/40s and 50s due to our relationship with alcohol.

I've stopped. And I wasn't drinking that many units but one or two small glasses most nights. Dry since November and feel so much healthier. Sleeping better. Better skin. Anxiety levels much lower. Obviously saving money. Takes a while to adjust though.

Ilovethatbear · 05/01/2025 19:19

Read Alcohol Explained by William Porter. You won’t want to drink the vile stuff again.

pandaface680 · 05/01/2025 19:20

Thanks for that @Putthekettleon73

I'm on day 5 which is the longest I've gone without a drink for ages and not seeing many benefits yet but equally not climbing the walls either. I hadn't considered a liver function test but I suppose it's quite scary thinking of damage that may already have occurred.

OP posts:
Pamosonic · 05/01/2025 19:21

If you can last the month without you know can perhaps put a new programme in place to reduce your intake going forward. Sounds like deep down you might think you have a problem though.

Luddite26 · 05/01/2025 19:23

Sir Anthony Hopkins wrote a very kind message for anyone struggling with alcohol. I think it's 50 years since he gave it up. It's worth a read if you Google it.

KnewYearKnewMe · 05/01/2025 19:24

Hi OP,

It's a great thing to think about your relationship with alcohol whilst doing Dry Jan.

Many people just white-knuckle it through the month until they can crack open the wine on 1st Feb to celebrate.

I'm in my 50s. I was drinking like your description until last year, when I finally decided it just wasn't doing me any favours,

I'm now just under a year without a drink at all. I'm so delighted and 100% happier and healthier.

If you haven't read Alcohol Explained, it's a good explanation of why alcohol is so prevalent,

amzn.eu/d/a1lJFpt

Look forward to reading about your experience.

tweddler · 05/01/2025 19:26

A bit of a tangent, but this jumped out at me about your university days: "I often wonder what more I could have achieved"

That seems unusual to me - why do you think this plays on your mind so much?

PS. I didn't stop drinking completely, but I've drunk maybe 20 units in total in the last 18 months. Improved sleep, improved focus, improved mood - definitely worth it.

kiops · 05/01/2025 19:29

have you read any quit lit on this? I'm also cutting/stopping altogether and found the sober diaries and the unexpected joy of being sober very motivating, helped me to
keep going.

WidgetDigit2022 · 05/01/2025 19:30

Yes I think you are a problem drinker and will feel much better if you cut it out. Health wise, emotionally and financially.

Well done forming dry January and best of luck for continuing it!

Putthekettleon73 · 05/01/2025 19:32

pandaface680 · 05/01/2025 19:20

Thanks for that @Putthekettleon73

I'm on day 5 which is the longest I've gone without a drink for ages and not seeing many benefits yet but equally not climbing the walls either. I hadn't considered a liver function test but I suppose it's quite scary thinking of damage that may already have occurred.

I think your liver can heal and will. I binged in my teens and twenties too. Husband drank "moderately" like me but his dad and mum are proper alcoholics so I'm proud and really relieved he's stopped with me. Well done for doing 5 days. That's great x

lettucedge · 05/01/2025 19:33

I admire your self reflection op and wish I had your will power, I’ll be trying dry January in the next few days.

pandaface680 · 05/01/2025 19:53

Thank you for the replies. It's a really tricky one for me because logically I understand it's doing me no favours. I've read quit lit such as the joy of being sober and also a book by Claire Pooley which I don't remember the name of.

I suppose life just feels a bit flat without it. I don't need it and I understand it's probably not good for me but equally life isn't quite the same without a glass of wine with Sunday lunch and a G&T on a Saturday evening.

I'm not hankering for the 1st of feb so I can immediately go back to what I was doing before, I'm more hoping that this reset will help me to lower my drinking drastically and keep it to weekends only again.

OP posts:
Sillyauldthing · 05/01/2025 19:54

We only drink with a meal on a Saturday night or Sunday lunch ( DH likes nice wine too) ( or at a the odd special event like a party or wedding.) Could you try that? Only drink with a nice meal once or twice a week max ? I like you grew up seeing people drinking and I think it made me averse to it I consider myself very fortunate that I can take it or leave it . I ‘m a nightmare for the chocolate though 😉 Good luck OP ,well done for doing dry january.

XChrome · 05/01/2025 20:09

By definition, you have a drinking problem if you are concerned about your drinking or if other people in your life are. Your intake sounds like it has been well beyond a healthy limit, so that is also definitive of a drinking problem.
Nobody likes facing that, but it must be faced if you want to overcome it. One dry month is not going to fix it. Lots of people can be dry for a month but are still problem drinkers, so they go back to the way they were before. Your attitude about it, that life is flat and dull without alcohol, is also indicative of a problem. People with a healthy attitude about alcohol don't feel that way about it. They use it to enhance the pleasure of a meal or social event, not to escape from the dreariness of life. If life is truly dull without drinking, your life needs fixing. Sorry to have to tell you that, but you did ask.

pandaface680 · 05/01/2025 20:14

@XChrome all valid comments and I appreciate your input. Life is pretty dull for me if I'm honest. I have young dc and a teen too so I'm pulled in lots of different directions with no support or help (other than dh). I work, do chores, do stuff with the kids and suppose sitting down with a drink has been my time to switch off and relax.

OP posts:
TangerinePlate · 05/01/2025 20:17

@pandaface680 great that you realised the extent of drinking.

You need to be booze free for a while longer to actually notice the benefits.

I haven’t drunk for 2 months (relented at Hogmanay) and really noticed the difference. My skin looks better, I don’t have brain fog,much more energy,less anxiety(alcohol is depressant) and I sleep much better(unless fecking cat wakes me up).

My weekly alcohol consumption would be a bottle of white wine at the weekend consumed in 2 evenings.

I honestly didn’t realise how quickly it becomes a habit and how it creeps up (my consumption was twice as much in the pandemic).

Happy to go dry again for a while 🙂

XChrome · 05/01/2025 20:18

pandaface680 · 05/01/2025 20:14

@XChrome all valid comments and I appreciate your input. Life is pretty dull for me if I'm honest. I have young dc and a teen too so I'm pulled in lots of different directions with no support or help (other than dh). I work, do chores, do stuff with the kids and suppose sitting down with a drink has been my time to switch off and relax.

I hear you. You sound overwhelmed. Maybe DH needs to step up to the plate more and take some of the pressure off you.

pandaface680 · 05/01/2025 20:27

@XChrome Dh is great but there's a lot of work for only 2 of us. And without the option to go out together I think we've both fallen into the habit of drinking together at home as our wind down time. He's doing dry January too so we are supporting each other with it.

I do actually look back and cringe a bit at the volume I've been putting away over the past few months.

OP posts:
Tapsthemic · 05/01/2025 20:47

Hi OP, this definitely resonates with me.

I loved the feeling of being tipsy, but I realised, after doing a lot of research, that I was self-medicating (stressful job, mundane home life) so a glass of wine was my “me time”.

I decided to quit altogether because I found I was giving too much headspace to moderating. I also didn’t really have an off switch if I was truly having fun with friends. It sounds like you don’t have that issue, so moderating could totally work for you.

The good news is there are so many brilliant AF options now. What has massively helped me was having a good AF drink on hand at the end of each day. An ice cold AF beer, Three Spirit or Mother Root with tonic, in a fancy glass with a garnish.

I also loved the Reframe app - it helped me to understand what I was using alcohol for, and gave me great coping strategies. There are two modes: one for moderation and one for quitting. It’s not cheap, but I always recommend it to anyone who is looking to reset.

Enjoy this period of testing new things and getting to know yourself (who you are now) even better than you did before xx

Beattie2 · 05/01/2025 20:50

Injectionstoslim · 05/01/2025 19:11

I’ve always wondered who came up with this and how they got to those numbers.

XChrome · 05/01/2025 21:01

Beattie2 · 05/01/2025 20:50

I’ve always wondered who came up with this and how they got to those numbers.

It comes from public health data and actuarial data. The risk of adverse health effects and accidental death/injury
becomes greater above that level of intake, though no level is completely safe. It's inherently toxic and impacts judgement, so the more you ingest the greater the risk.

TheHighPriestess1 · 05/01/2025 21:06

A problem drinker for 20 years, determined to change that this year, I say it every year, however I didn’t realise some of the health problems I’ve experienced lately is alcohol related. Breathlessness I just assumed that was my asthma aches and pains particularly when walking I just assumed it was because I was overweight. 5 days in and I feel less breathless and pain already.

WobblyBoots · 05/01/2025 21:15

Apart from having kids at slightly different ages, I could have written your OP. My early life up to having kids in my mid-30s was completely dominated by alcohol. Having kids was a real game changer for me as being pregnant and breastfeeding x3 gave me a good few years of no or really limited alcohol. In that time my mental health was so much better.

But since my last baby, turning 40 a few years ago, having a bit of a mid life crisis the booze has really started to creep up again. No mad nights out but a a few drinks 3-4 nights a week which adds up to loads.

For the first time I'm doing dry January and honestly feel better already. Had really good sleeps the last few nights. I'm hoping a beak resets me a bit. I'd like to just not drink at home and only when out (which is pretty rare due to kids!).

Goood luck OP. Keep looking forward and try not to beat yourself up about past drinking.