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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Alcohol and me

31 replies

pandaface680 · 05/01/2025 19:06

Currently taking part in dry January (been active on a few of the threads here) and it's made me think about my relationship with alcohol over the years. Writing this down more for myself, it will probably be a long, boring, self indulgent thread for anyone else reading it but if anyone has any comments or would like to share experiences it would be great.

Started drinking about age 13 in parks with friends because that's just what we did then, mostly cheap nasty cider. Had grown up with parents who took me to the pub and drank heavily at home so it didn't seem abnormal to me and I learnt pretty quickly that booze lowered my inhibitions and got rid of that horrible self conscious teenage anxiety meaning I could say or do what I liked for that period of time. It was great.

Drank heavily throughout my student years especially at university and while I graduated with a good degree I often wonder what more I could have achieved had I not been permanently pissed or hungover.

Had dc in my twenties so settled down a bit but still managed the odd night out when I could and that was classic binge drinking territory. Saw it as an escape and something I deserved once in a while but often took it too far and had the familiar hangxiety and regrets the next day. Calmed down a lot in my thirties and drinking was only at home at the weekends. Then Covid hit and like many people the lack of routine and work meant my drinking went right up to a bottle of wine several nights a week and sometimes gin on top when I became too tolerant of wine on its own.

When we went back to work I scaled it back again but in early 2024 I condensed my hours so instead of working short days mon-fri I did longer days mon-wed. So when everyone else was in the middle of the working week I'd be getting that Friday feeling and having a drink Wednesday night through to the weekend. Still stayed dry on work nights though.

Dh recently became interested in wine and started getting us nice stuff to have with Sunday lunch so although I wasn't drinking at night or waking up hungover on Monday, one of my 'dry days' was no longer so. Then towards the end of 2024 work got stressful and I started having the odd drink on a Tuesday too meaning that my only sober night of the week was a Monday.

With the volume and frequency of my drinking I was averaging about 30 units a week, sometimes more. So I wanted to do dry January to reset my habits because I know I just can't carry on like that for my health.

I'm not a problem drinker. I can have one and stop. I don't get drunk or cause problems for myself or others. I rarely even go out. But I like the way alcohol makes me feel and I don't think I can see a time where I will give it up forever. I do hope this period of abstinence will help me get back to weekend only drinking though.

The fact I've sat and typed this out probably shows I'm giving it way too much headspace and that in itself could be seen as a problem. But I suppose all this dry January stuff has been on my mind and discussing it on here and hearing other peoples stories and struggles has prompted me to think about my own.

Do I sound like a problem drinker? What are other peoples habits and goals? Would love to hear stories.

OP posts:
SmallGreenBabies · 05/01/2025 21:24

Hi OP, your story resonates with me. I am shy and love that 1-2 drink feeling and confidence. I use wine to decompress after work. It angers me how much society and the media glorifies drinking. It also baffles me that the NHS recommends up to 14 units over 3 days. I know it's not the intention but I feel like that amount is ok then! Lots of people I know have stopped or cut right down but I can't imagine ever quitting either.

AuraBora · 05/01/2025 21:29

Hi @pandaface680
Very similar to you and almost identical to @Wobblyboots.
It's good you are reflecting on it I agree with previous PP that yes you probably do have a problem with drink.
You need only read some of the Dry Jan and similar threads here to see how drink is a problem for so many people, even if we wouldn't classify ourselves as alcoholics by the usual stereotypes that word conjures up.
I am starting with Dry Jan this year but I feel a lot stronger and more positive about a permanent change in my relationship with alcohol than I have ever before.
Wishing you good luck. There are quite a fee really supportive threads on here at the moment.

AuraBora · 05/01/2025 21:31

Oh sorry just seen you said you're active on some of the current threads so ignore that last comment in my post!

Bobbybobbins · 05/01/2025 21:37

Like you I finish work on Wednesdays and for a whileI was drinking 4 nights a week and my DH was too. We have had to work together and work hard to both reduce to two nights a week. This has made a big difference to how I feel over the four days off. I am doing dry January too as drinking crept up over Christmas and definitely affects quality of my sleep.

BBBusterkeys · 05/01/2025 21:51

I was listening to a podcast last night about stopping drinking. One quote that stood out to me that I think applies to your situation was “if you’re questioning whether you have a problem with alcohol then you probably have a problem with alcohol”.

I am doing dry January. Last time I did a dry month was in February 2020 and only one month didn’t feel like enough of a challenge so I decided to do 3 months. The timing of that could not have been better. While everyone else was diving straight into the bottle I was abstaining. I think this year I will see how I feel at the end of January and extend it to 3 months again or maybe longer. I want to really pay attention to how I feel, particularly around anxiety and mood.

TangerinePlate · 06/01/2025 10:16

@SmallGreenBabies the limit NHS recommends is exactly what I used to drink in pandemic.
It’s roughly about 1.5 bottle of wine at 12%abv

I do agree with @BBBusterkeys and the quote mentioned. I don’t understand how I didn’t think I had a problem with alcohol but I had this niggling feeling that I actually had. It bothered me greatly.

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