I'm 50, own a company that is doing well, have a brilliant marriage and three great kids. From the outside, it looks like I have it all figured out and have my shit together, but over the past couple of years, I've been struggling with feeling completely overwhelmed, with the smallest of things leaving me feeling completely paralysed.
I was late diagnosed with ADHD after researching it for my children and when menopause or perimenopause hit, my mental health fell apart. I've gone from being upbeat, positive and a 'let's go!' kind of person to someone who feels a mix of dread and fear most days and I have zero oomph. I'm so lethargic, I feel like Eyeore all the time.
At work, I'm really struggling with my executive function and in my role, I have to juggle a lot of balls but I'm constantly rescuing thing just before they drop as I'm not in control. My work is demanding and pretty relentless and honestly, I'm not sure I'm still up to it even though I listen to myself in meetings and am reassured that I still know what I'm doing - I just can't follow through. The pace of work doesn't allow me to coast or take a breather, and if I did, it would cause issues right across the company, for my colleagues and for the people who pay for our expertise. I constantly feel like I'm running to catch up and am never in control, which means I start every day feeling behind and stressed, but when asked, I'd say I love what I do. And I do.
At home it's much the same. Daily tasks leave me feeling defeated, such as a pile of laundry, a dishwasher than needs emptying or dinner to be made. I buy ingredients to make a cake and just can't face doing it. I make big plans and get excited about them, but then.... nothing. My husband is amazing and has definitely picked up the majority of the load at home as most evenings, I'm so tired I can barely function. I know this isn't fair.
I'm medicated for ADHD which has had a huge impact, but it's not a magic bullet. I'm on HRT which has helped put my mental health on more of an even keel, but still, I feel like life is just running away with me and I'm struggling to keep up.
I've tried to help myself - I have countless planners, notebooks and diaries to help me plan more effectively, but I don't use them properly. I order vitamins to help brain function and reduce fatigue but forget to take them. I go to bed early to get more sleep but wake countless times in the night, so wake up tired. I've lost weight (yay), improved my diet, upped my hydration and joined a gym (though in typical style, I've not been yet), and I'm determined to 'fix' myself. I'm also on anti-depressants which I'm scared to come off.
For those of you who are busy with work, family, life... how are you making life easier for yourself? What do you do to help yourself and does it work? Am I missing any tricks to simplify life?
I have a cleaner every few weeks, we order meal kits, my husband is brilliant, and we're getting the kids to do more, but how can I change things?
Does anyone else feel this way?